Wednesday, February 10, 2010

WTF is this shit?

ANTM (America's Next Top Model, for all you losers that don't know) is coming back March 10, with an extended premiere. And while the official CW website has nary a photo of the new crop, the Internets are abuzz with gossip. Kinda. I think everyone is just complaining about the photos that have been released and how awful they look. I'm all for crazy-kooky 80's kitch...but this?

Let's meet these bitches:

Name: Gabrielle
<span class=
She's 18 years old and looks like a dead hooker in this picture/makeup/hair. Does it have to be so obvious how much Tyra hates these girls?

Name: Krista

<span class=
First things first: why is there always some low-rent knock off version of Iman or Grace Jones on this show? Obviously Tyra isn't about to have a Naomi look-a-like (don't go there) but why the same old, same old? Now: this bitch is 26. TWENTY SIX!!

Name: Brenda
<span class=
I am a sucker for redheads, so even though I think this thing is just a boring Majorie wannabe, I'm going to root for her. Plus, I can't tell if she's a bitch or just an idiot.

Name: Simone
<span class=
Now there is a bitch. She could be attractive but that dumbass hair is just too much. Let's hope this is before make overs - er, Ty-overs. (She's 19, whatever.)

Name: Raina
<span class=
Look. Sometimes I can't come up with snarky comments. I just can't. This is one of those times. Because this chick is nasty and I don't want to share a can of soda with her - even if I do get Mono and loose 20lbs. - it just wouldn't be worth it. Find some fucking Purell.

Name: Alexandra
<span class=
I like her because she is clearly a throwback to the early 80's. She has her own soft focus, just like how some girls make their own wind. Now, I'm sure she's a moron and, heck, maybe she's a bitch too but I'm going to root for her.

Name: Anslee
<span class=
Anslee? ANSLEE?! Maybe that's why she's making that face...

Name: Angelea
<span class=
Imma call this one: Stripper. But I also have to caution that I am so fucking jealous of her hair.

Name: Naduah
<span class=
I would like to begin by formally apologizing to Raina - even though I still think she's super funky in a bad way - because Naduah (really? Go fuck yourself with that) is FUGLY. God. Damn.

Name: Ren
<span class=
She just looks like a bitch, huh? But I love her. Mostly because I am going to assume that she was named after my favorite Chiuhuaha.

Name: Alasia
<span class=
Sigh...Another low-rent Ghetto Bitch. She'll be gone by episode 5. Better hair than Gabrielle though.

Name: Jessica
<span class=
Oh, for fuck's sake...

Name: Tatianna
<span class=
Now, I can't tell if she's making that face on purpose (like she thinks it sexy) or if it's all just a big jumbled together mess that will be eliminated first.

There you go kids - the newest crop of girls! They will be heading to Auckland for the finale because ANTM has gone to every corner of the earth. Oh, no they haven't. Whatever.
Copyright 2009 Dizzy Potato. Powered by Blogger
Blogger Templates created by Deluxe Templates
Wordpress by Wpthemescreator