Friday, March 27, 2009

ANTM #5 - Slumber Party!

Let me start things off by doing some math/consperiacy theory-stuff:
I always write down who is in the bottom three or so whenever I watch ANTM, just in case there is something interesting there. Turns out there kind of is! 
Nijah was in the "crappy group" twice, before getting eliminated.
So, I looked over my notes and started grouping the girls together by how many times they had been in the Negative - here's what I found:
  • Natalie, Allison and Teyona could all go home - they have been steadily doing worse.
  • Sandra, Thalia and Aminat have been in the Negative two times - but they have all gone from Zero to Hero.
  • Fo and Kortnie jumped from a steady diet of crap to Positve - we might need to keep an eye on them.
  • London and Celia have been very consistant - Celia has been in the Top bracket more but London has never crashed and burned.
What does this mean? Natalie is going home? Sandra could win? I'm sad to say that I'm not sure. The judges love to flip-flop and contradict themselves and the producers just really like to fuck w/ us. It's up in the air. But I think it's a good guide to keep in mind...

As usual, we come home w/ the girls and check out the "winner's" photo. I'm actually glad that Sandra was called first; it gave her the shot of confidance that she needed to become a raging CRAZY person again. She tells us in a one-on-one that she "looks hot" in the photo. She also thinks that this means she is the best now - b/c having her picture on the wall means that she is the best.
I actually agree w/ that and I think that Allison and Teyona would agree too, since they have also been called first and have had their picture on the wall and, therefor, been the best. Go fuck yourself Sandra.

On the brighter side: the girls still hate Sandra!!!! YEAY!!!

And then Tocara shows up...

Tocara is skinny now? I guess big girls aren't all that awesome after all...But she brings gifts, so that's cool. After changing into their P.J.'s the girls sit around and listed to T2 talk about how personality counts. I think that T2 should have explained that being an asshole or a burn victem is not "personality." The girls seemed to be pretty satisfied w/ the conversation, to the point where Aminat said that she's "loud" but it's OK to be loud. Nope. It's not.

Here's something we didn't know (b/c no one gives a shit): Kortnie is a joker! She the class clown of the group. Huh. Well, even though I don't believe it (b/c I haven't seen it), it does make sense. Speaking from personal experiance: the fatties always make the jokes. It's a defence mechanisim to deflect attention from being fat. The problem is that Kortnie isn't really fat at all; if she had been much bigger at one point in her life and then lost weight, this would make sense. But for now I'm just going to say that she's an Idiot.

Sandra adds her 2cents in by saying she doesn't think this is a comedy show. Sandra must not have much of a sense of humor or, at least, has never watched the show. And it's interesting to note that she has been talking a lot more shit...during one-on-ones. Is she afraid to act like a shithead in front of the other girls?
They aren't afraid to act like that in front of her: some people thought that Fo should have "won." And they said so out-loud. I agree w/ them; Fo or Aminat. But what I am wondering is why they finally decided to "talk back"?

Challenge: Pose w/ Music
We are introduced to a former model-turned-DJ called Sky Nellor - she kinda looks like Tori Amos. Then Benny tells the girls they will be paired off to compete against each other; Tori/Sky will play some tunes and the girls will have to pose according to the style of music. Benny stresses that it's important the girls "pay attention to what you listen to." This ought to be fun!

Sandra had no fucking idea what she was doing. I think Benny even used the phrase "deer in headlights." Even if you have never heard rock music, you can get some idea of what's going on by...LISTENING TO THE MUSIC.
London on the other hand did very well. Question: is she still into Jesus or do you think she's moved on?

Allison was also pretty lost...
Natalie as usual kinda just stood there and looked like Whatever.

Both Fo and Teyona were pretty lame. But I can't blame them since country music sucks.

I have no idea what kind of music they had to pose to.
Celia, however, did a great job.
Kortnie, on the other hand, just fucked around for a few seconds and was scolded by Benny for not taking this seriously.

Aminat did a great job posing. Her outfit was slammin' and she understood the music.
Thalia, of course, looked like a fucking hippo trying to do ballet.

I think we should add Allison to the list of Annoying People. 

Challenge: Pose-Off!
Benny's explanation was so conveluted and insane that I had no idea what the girls were going to have to do. Which got me all excited b/c I figured they wouldn't know either and freak out. But it turns out that this was the easiest thing on the face of the earth. The girls are split into two groups; the first group goes out on stage one at a time and poses to the music; when they are done, the second group goes out and does the same thing. While each individual girl is on stage, Benny will call out "POSE!" and the girl has to pose. They will be juged by the audiance, which seemed to consist primarily of flaming drag queens not is costume. I wish I could have been there.
*Benny conveniently came up w/ the grading system of being either Good or Sour. Thanks!
Group 1
Allison - I thought she was OK/Sour
Teyona - I thought she was Good/Good
Kortnie - I have no fucking idea what she was doing up there/SOUR
Sandra - I thought she was total Crap/Sour (and she looked like a drag queen)
Group 2
Aminat - I thought she did OK/Sour
London - I thought she did Ok/Sour
Thalia - I though she did OK/SOUR (the audiance HATED her and I though she was gonna cry!)
Natalie - I thought she was Whatever/Good (I really do hate this girl)
Fo - I though she did OK/Good

It came down to Natalie (WTF?) and Celia. Though not the quintesential Death Match, it was pretty awesome to see Celia out pose Natalie to death. The audiance agreed and Celia FINALLY WON SOMETHING.

Back at the house and guess what: Thalia wants to go home again! Big surprise...this time she tells Allison, who turns around and tells Celia. It's the same story w/ Thalia: she gets a little crticizim and she starts crying and wishes she could go home, then she does a good job at her photo shoot and she's all about kicking ass and taking names. It's getting boring and, like Celia said, there are girls here that want this more than her and are not thrown by a few bitchy comments. Celia is practical about it and voices her opinion to the other girls that Thalia should leave the competition and let the girls who want this more, have a better chance.
That right there was a mistake: talking to the OTHER girls. Celia should have had everyone sit down for a meeting and told Thalia to her face. This way, Thalia can at least a.) explain herself b.) break down and cry and get even more freaked out about the competition and get eliminated b/c of it or c.) actually make the decision to leave.  That would have been a lot cleaner.

Photo Shoot: Ellis Island
Today's theme is Immigrants Coming Through Ellis Island. Kinda cool. They will be shot w/ and old fashioned still camera and be paired w/ Benny Ninja as their "husband" and a bunch of randon kids.
  • Sandra - was very stiff/boring and turned out to be the biggest dissapointment of the day.
  • Fo - I thought looked lovely.
  • London - totally got into character, thinking she was Kate Winslet from "Titanic."
  • Natalie - had some good poses but, again, her face seemed to fall flat for me.
  • Teyona - was just OK, for me but Mr. J seemed to like her.
  • Kortnie - dead eyes! And she seemed to struggle w/ everything around her.
  • Thalia - looked like a gypsy! She also did very well and Mr. J noted that she seems to be growing in the competition.
  • Celia - I thought she did very well and kept it strong but Mr. J just gave her a "good."
  • Aminat - seemed to bring it to set but Mr. J pointed out that she works her body really well and then forgets her face - which is true.
  • Allison - seemed to to well and got a soild review from Mr. J.
Sandra says she is nervous about Pannel w/c she knows she didn't have a good shoot. But then goes on to say that she won't be going home. Make up your fucking mind.

Guess what? Thalia wants to stay in the competition now. FUCK. She is annoying. And this would have been the perfect time to call her on it; she's still high from a great shoot, so she will be coherant but the massive amounts of negativity would shake her up pretty badly. Oh well...

Sandra REEEEAAAALLLLY loves those fucking red shoes. And Benny is the guest judge.
  • Teyona - the photo turned out very nicely and the judges complimented her on how authentic she looked. 
  • London - this photo was only OK. The big problem is that she was looking away from the camera while all the extras were staring straight ahead; also, her pose was odd.
  • Sandra - just as she suspected (and we all knew) this photo was not good. She was stiff and looked away from the camera. Nigel noted that she's been giving them profiles lately and this is true.
  • Allison - the photo was pretty good and someone even through out the word "editorial."
  • Aminat - she finally found a synergy of good face and good pose and was complimented for it.
  • Fo - this photo was only OK and she was also looking away from the camera.
  • Natalie - I was pretty Whatever about this photo and it seemed the judges felt the same.
  • Kortnie - BARF. She had the ultimate zombie face - and I HATE zombies.
  • Thalia - it was a good photo and the judges LOVED it. But I think that Thalia has become an Asshole in all this - her reaction to the judges praise was ZERO and when they told her to bring more personality to the pannel, she just stood there.
  • Celia - unfortunatly, this was not a good photo. The pose was so/so and she seemed to be dialing it in. Sorry, Celia!

Sandra - they said the "P Word"...Pretty


Deathmatch! Thunderdome Battle!
Kortnie vs. Sandra
At this point it's nice to see that the judges have split the Negative/Positive groups down the middle. It sucks when one group is lop-sided. Here is where I get to put my theory to practice; Sandra just got the Kiss of Death w/ the word Pretty. But Kortnie made a crazy jump from the Negtive to the Positive in one leap, w/out having proven that she could actually model. This is a good Bottom 2.
Going Home: Kortnie (after all, she doesn't bring anything to the show)

Celia decides that it's her job to voice the opinion of the group and tell Tyra that Thalia is a whiny bitch. In a way that's kinda awesome - she's ballsy enough to talk shit about a girl right in front of Tyra right after said girl was called first at pannel. But it was a stupid decision. As much as I like Celia, I have to agree w/ Tyra that it was unfair of Celia to bring it up. Now Tyra's logic is that since Thalia didn't say it, it's unfair - but that's stupid b/c Thalia isn't about to ruin her chance at winning (when she wants to win). Poor Celia has to skulk off the stage and stand there like a jackass while Kortnie got a pep-talk from Tyra.

Celia thinks she will be sent home for her actions
Thalia claims she's been humliated by all this
Aminat and Natalie argue
Everyone starts yelling at each other

Friday, March 20, 2009

ANMT #4 - Charm School

I'd like to know when they take the photo/video of the girls in the crazy outfits for the opening credits. They all look really good and actually seem like models at this point. Could it be b/c we can barely see their faces and they all have (basically) the same wig? Either way, this is something that is burning a hole in my brain.

Alright! Way to go Teyona! 
When the girls come back to their apartment, Teyon "high-fives" her photo and shows just how practial she is: in a one-on-one she says that it would be sad to see one of her friends go...but, oh well! I like that attitude, it's bitchy but not crazy. Since she didn't say it in front of the other girls it makes me think that she's a lot smarter than say, Sandra or Natalie (we'll get to that in a few!). 

There are a few girls in the house that are worried they might not be sticking around - and w/ good reason. Nijah is dissapointed that the judges don't see her personality; which is silly since she doesn't have one. And Thalia is still freaking out/being annoying. Her voice is annoying too, no? But her greatest revelation is that she has no model training - GASP! Could have fooled me. And now she's really leaving herself open to getting shit on by the judges or torn to shreds by the girls.
Guess who else is annoying? Natalie! Yeah, remember her? Me neither, but I will now. Turns out she has had previous modeling experiance (even having had an agency at one point) and thinks she's the shiz-nit. In fact ,she's so awesome that she takes time to "teach" some of the other girls how to walk. I loved that while she was prancing around on the house's runway NO ONE was paying attention.
Well, except for Allison. So if she goes home b/c Natalie taught her a shitty walk I will have no sympathy for her. When she admited to over-thinking her walk I was really disappointed. Allison is supposed to be the crazy one! There should be no thinking involved in anything she does! I want her to be this free-floating energy that haunts the other girls in the house. Not some broke-down bitch w/ walking issues.

Challenge 1: Walking
The girls roll up to the Haunted Mansion for their next challenge. Inside they are greeted by Ms.J, channeling Elizabeth Taylor, who tells them that they are going to work on their walks today and learn some runway ettiqute. He sends them off to get changed, for whatever reason. At least they didn't give them 3 minutes to change. Turns out the outfits set out for them have been provided by Martha Stewart Inc. Sweet.
Ms. J shows the girls a proper elegant walk. Let me just say: fuck, Ms. J can walk.

  • Celia - decient walk but kinda wiggles. Also, she was pretty slow.
  • Aminat - OK but was a little sharp. Felt like getting a papercut to watch her.
  • Fo - "wind-up toy!" was Ms. J's assesment. I couldn't agree more.
  • Nijah - an angry face? I didn't see an angry face. In fact I didn't see a damn thing on her face. And she's sloppy.
  • Kortnie - kinda walks like a truck driver, y/y?
  • Sandra - I still kind of hate her, even though we haven't heard much from her. The walk was bad too: all should-wiggle, angry face and hands in her pockets. Ms. J made fun of her which is always great.
  • Thalia - good lord that girl has a timid walk!
  • London - whatever...
  • Teyona - whatever...
  • Allison - AHHHH!!! Good face though. And Ms. J thinks she has potential; I think he likes her.
  • Natalie - I love that the producers show her last, like she's what we've all been waiting for. Ms. J liked her, but I've already decided that she sucks. Her walk was pretty solid but her face looked like shit and she was so fucking slow.
To help school the girls on runway ettiqute, Ms. J brings out Bianca and Chantal from cycle 10. I love that the producers thought that Bianca was a good mentor for anything requiering ettiqute or proper behaviour or anything resembling correct social interaction w/ other people. Seriously, she's a sociopath. BUT she can walk. And so could Chantal. It's nice to know that. It's also nice to know that they still look good. But I often wonder if it feels weird for previous contestants to come back to the show? Do they feel like Matthew Mc Connehay in "Dazed and Confused"?

Truth or Dare?
And no one made out?
Fuck that's lame.
But it was pretty awesome to watch Nijah do the "Carlton Dance." And it was also awesome to see the producers give us whiplash. Now Natalie is the House Bitch? I'm confused. Was Aminat's verbal smack-down enough to flatten Sandra? I thought it would take a lot more than that... Actually, this is really annoying. I thought we were getting a "slider" w/ Natalie. Like Mc Key - you know, doesn't say much and just slides on into the final 4 where you're like: "wait, how did she get here?" But she doesn't win b/c she's totally fucking lame.

Anyway, here's what went down: during a rousing game of Truth or Dare, Natalie is asked "who had the worst picture last week, besides Jessica?" She decides that she is going to answer honestly - as opposed to lying? Her "brutaly honest" answer is Thalia. Which, according to my notes from last week isn't as true as it could be. There were a total of 7 girls that the judges were totally underwhelmed by and Thalia was hardly the worst.
So why chose her? Sure, she's annoying but she's hardly been an issue in the house, like, say... Sandra! I would have said Sandra, just to see what happens. But Natalie thought the best idea was to pick on the girl w/ a physical flaw that everybody seems to genuinely like. That's pretty disgusting, Natalie - and calculated. But since I'm not sure where, exactly, she's going w/ this I'm still going to say that Sandra is CRAZY but Natalie is an ASSHOLE.

Thalia, of course, couldn't keep her shit together and cried (me rolling my eyes). Now Thalia doesn't have any respect for Natalie and has decided that she won't play her games "anymore." Were there games before this? Oh, maybe she means Truth or Dare. Yeah, don't play that game anymore Thalia.
Meanwhile, Allison is no longer fun and just needs to chill the fuck out.

Challenge 2: Runway w/ bags
The girls are introduced to identifiable fashion designer Jill Stuart. They will be doing some runway w/ her clothes and (for whatever reason) shopping bags in their hands. But they also have to be nice to the other girls. This is going to be a lot of fun.
Natalie starts talking shit in a one-on-one, saying the girls are going to do badly b/c they are practicing. This is true: you should never practice anything that you want to be good at. On the flip-side we have Allison and Thalia freaking themselves out, so that's cool.
Oh yeah, when Jill tells the girls they all look lovely, London mouths "Thank you" in the creepiest way possible. I think I'm in love!

  • Celia - opens the show looking like a fucking angel!
  • Natalie - looks as though she is sleep walking until she decides to channel the Aswirl Twins mid catwalk. Again, don't practice anything that you want to be good at. Also, Karma will butt-fuck you when you act like an asshole.
  • Thalia - is doing a little better but still looks pretty nervous and weak.
  • London - was so into the music as she was walking that...uh, it looked like she was walking.
  • Kortnie - whatever...
  • Nijah - also whatever...she's still sloppy though. And why did she hold all the bags in one hand?
  • Aminat - didn't get much camera time on the catwalk, so I'm just going to say: OK
  • Sandra - whatever...and why did she hike the bags up to her waist when she posed?
  • Teyona - looked a little stiff but did OK
  • Fo - she's got a fun, sexy little walk! I really liked it and could tell that she worked on it.
  • Allison - thought she was going to have a panic attack. Unfortunatly this did not happen. Instead she came bursting onto the catwalk in "Princess Jasmine goes to a funeral" and quickly made her way through the walk. But she was a little better and gave good face.
Jill narrows it down to Celia and Natalie.
Winner: Natalie. Which is bullshit and has only led to inflating her ego. Also, I think she's a Terminator. I never see much emotion on her face, so I have to assume that she's a sentient killing machine sent here from the future. If that's the case, then I kinda like her a little more. 

Later on we find out, again, that Thalia is really annoying as she sits on the phone crying to her sister about how she wants to go home. "You wanna go home? OK, then go home." But she ends up feeling a lot better after her magical sister gives her the greatest pep-talk that we will never hear, so that's cool.

Commercial Break
Mc Key is very boring and has little to no personality.

Phot Shoot: Characters on a bus by NY landmarks
So what's up w/ Mr. Jay's hat? Kinda makes him look like a Lego man.

We have another group photo situation. I wonder why they have been so gung-ho over these? It's not that I don't like them (they are visually interesting) but it seems like a good way to cripple the girls. Oh, I guess I just answered my own question. Anyway, the idea is to portray stereotypical people in famous NY areas. I'll by that.

  • Wall Street/Power Bitch: Fo and Aminat
I loved that Fo comes up w/ the "power bitch" term and then Aminat quickly vetos that by saying "there are not going to be any bitches here." It's a slightly more positive spin, yes? And the best part? They were both really awesome and hilarious.
  • SoHo/Artist and Muse: Kortnie and Nijah
I didn't really get this idea. I've been to SoHo and while there are a few art galleries still around, I ended up seeing a lot more boutiques and stores than anything else. Also, the idea of an artist and her muse was kind of silly. Plus, both girls just sort of stood there.
  • Upper East Side/Nannies: Celia and Sandra
This is a cute idea since that one book about the girl who was a nanny in NY was made into a movie...that nobody saw. But it's relevant since there are people that actually do have nannies instead of caring for their own children. But if we wanted to be even closer to the truth, the girls in this shoot should have been Hispanic in some way. Anyway, I though both girls looked lovely. I am sad to see that Sandra has basically been nutered at this point, though.
  • 5th Ave./Socialites: London and Allison
Perfect way to incorperate another CW show into the marketing. I'll bet you $5 that Tyra references "Gossip Girl" during pannel - oops! Mr. Jay just did!. Of course, you could hardly tell where they were since they parked the bus in front of a random store as opposed to, say, Tiffany's. The girls looked pretty good. Allison fell sort of flat but London was giving the crazy like nobodies business.
  • Times Square/Tourists: Thalia, Teyona, Natalie
I love that they decided to give Times Square a shout out. That's really a terrible place to be; there are about 1,000 people there at any given time and you can barely walk through the crowds. The girls had on wardrobe rejects from "The Warriors" and were told to flounce around like tourists. Thalia, instead, decided to model and really brought good energy. Teyona prefered to eat a pretzle while they were taking pictures; when Mr. Jay told her to get rid of it, she spit it over the side onto the street! Loved it. And Natalie prefered to continue acting like an asshole. She basically just stood there and made the most catalouge-like faces ever and PRETENDED to hold a camera, when there was one right in front of her.

Later, back at the house, London reminded us that she's annoying by going on and on about who is going home this time. "Who's going home? It's interesting!" Well, yeah, of course it is. If it wasn't no one would watch the show. But you don't have to mince about like a fucking Bond villian when you talk about it. On top of that, everyone keeps saying that it's going to be a huge surprise to see who goes home. Jesus! Who's going home? Is it Tyra?

*during the commercial we were told that Bianca is still working. Sweet.

Hey! What's up Tyra? Good hair!
So the guest judge is Jill Stuart, which is sad b/c I thought we would get some more Nole. And I think I kind of hate Jill Stuart. Oh well. The girls are brought forward in their group/pair and evaluated.
  • SoHo: according to the judges it doesn't look like SoHo.
Neither of the girls did very well in this photo. Kortnie actually looks a little retarded and Nijah looks like she's really tired. Tyra thinks it's b/c Nijah looks like she's exhaling and Kortnie looks like she's inhaling. I think it's b/c they both suck.
  • Wall Street: looks awesome though.
Everyone was in agreement that both girls looked great and that the photo was awesome. Fo in particular was looking FIERCE, so it's a good thing that they kept her around! Aminat decided to actually do some modeling this time around and ended up doing a great job. Best photo of her's indeed!
  • Upper East Side: also looks good but I thought it was pretty dark.
The judges thought this was the best shot out of them all. It's pretty editorial, so I guess I could see that. They were all over Sandra, saying it was the best photo out of the bunch. Celia got props but was told that she wasn't as believable as Sandra was. All I could do was look at Sandra's ashy knees and wonder why she lied to Ms. J and said that she had just oiled them up? Oh, and yeah: I hate Jill Stuart b/c she clearly hates Celia.
  • Times Square: a pretty good picture.
Another well recived photo. Thalia was the break-out star of the bunch. Teyona didn't get much feed-back even though she had a pretty hagard photo. Natalie however got a thourough reaming from Nigel about how NOT believable she looked and just how fake it was. Thank you.
  • 5th Ave.: was just OK, nothing to write home about.
The judges were just whatever about the photo. But Tyra did me proud and namecalled "Gossip Girl" as an example for the photo shoot. What was really disappointing was that Allison really did fall flat in the photo. I think everyone was a little surprised by that. But, luckily, London brought something. She brought Crazy! The girl honestly looked like Norma Desmond before the pannel. But her photo was slammin'.

Negative Positive
Nijah - all she's got is her pretty Kortnie - she has potential
Natalie - boring across the board Aminat - finally starting to model
Teyona - just a bad picture but she can do better  Fo - from weak to strong
Allison - another bad picture  Sandra - the best picture
Celia - not their favorite picture but she rocks
Thalia - best shot she has ever done
London - also best shot she's ever done

Deathmatch! Thunderdome!
Nijah vs. Allison
I thought this was a silly pairing. They aren't going to send Allison home! If they had thrown Natalie in there or Teyona, that would have been more interesting. But it wouldn't have made sense since neither of those girls is going home anytime soon. So sorry Nijah; she must have known right away. Anywah, Tyra tells Allison that she's got a special look but the picture didn't and Nijah was just pretty. Looks like pretty is the new Kiss of Death this season!

Going Home: Nijah

Next Week: Drag Queens? Celia takes charge?

Thursday, March 19, 2009

ANTM# 3 - Makeovers!

Opening Credits
Can we take a second to aknowledge how fabulous Tyra's boobs are?

The girls all look like Daryl Hanna in "Blade Runner." Which makes perfect sense when you consider that Top Model will be required viewing in America's dystopian future. And Allison gets the last spot, which also seems to be the longest. What are the numbers on that? Does it mean anything in the history of ANTM? I need to investigate...

OK, so we see the girls come back home and there's Allison's photo displayed in the house. She seems kinda embarrassed about it, which is adorable. But Fo is having none of that; she can't seem to understand why she wasn't called first - I mean, she "loved her photo!" Duh, someone has to...

Anyway, Aminat and Sandra have a heart-to-heart in the kitchen, in front of every person in the house. And by heart-to-heart, I mean that Aminat verbally pissed on Sandra. After telling her that "the wrong person went home" (in regards to Izzy, which is not true actually), Sandra doesn't really have much to say. In fact, all we hear is "well, if that's the way you feel..." ZOOM, ZOOM, ZOOM! After all that, she mumbles "bitch" under her breath, away from Aminat, while walking away from the cameras. Uh, OK...
Later, the girls are escorted in a pink and purple plaid limo (Holy Shit!) to Bergdorff Goodman's for - yup! Makeovers! But before any of that can happen Tyra interupts a conversation the "J's" were having (I wonder what those two were talking about?). In a stupid "spy mission" theme, "T" tells them that the girls wll be getting makeovers today - NO MATTER WHAT. In fact, the "J's" have been told to "chop, slice, and dice" if they have to. How do you dice someone's hair? Also, she calls the makeovers "Fatalian." WTF?

  • Jessica - "edgy." Basically she got a few inches cut and red highlights. And she looks the same.
  • Sandra - blonde. Supposed to be bright beautiful hair. I think she's disgusting no matter what.
  • Allison - long and blonde. Kinda like a mermaid! Sorta whatever for me. Though, it does bring better proprtions to her face.
  • Nijah - bigger weave! She does look better.
  • Fo - cuteness=bad/short=good. Kind of a Halle Berry look going on now. But she hates it and to punish Tyra she takes a retarded, dead-eyed photo. Way to show her, Fo!
  • Celia - short! At first she cries a little but after deciding that it's liberating, she's all for it. And I love the cut - it really brings out her bone structure.
  • Aminat - Naomi Campbell! She does look much better and even sasses Ms. J at one point. But I wonder if Tyra throws all these Naomi references as a way of therapy?
  • Kortnie - "Code Red." WTF? Tyra can't just say: "We are dying her hair red in hopes that it will off-set her abrassive tan"?
  • London - short/blonde/edgy! Love it. And so does she. The Jesus Freak is growing on me!
  • Natalie - Jesus Christ! What a huge fuss she makes. She totally flips her shit at the mere thought that she might be getting more than a trim. She ends up pissing off the gay hobbit that was supposed to cut her hair and showing Mr. Jay what an ungrateful whiny bitch she is. But it turned out that they were basically just fucking w/ her and she wan't going to get a makeover. Whatever...she needs a personality makeover.
  • Teyona - Jherri Curl! Uh...juciey hair, Tyra? Fuck, that sounds gross.
  • Thalia - lion's mane! This is a much better cut on her and she looks a lot younger too.
Fo, needing attention, starts to cry over her hair. Now, I kinda get some of this; when she starts complaining that Natalie didn't get anything done, I actually agreed that was kind of lame. But it's even lamer when Fo grasps for some excuse for what is a cry for attention. Just cut yourself already...
Jessica is getting on my nerves: "nothing can make me ugly!"
And Thalia shops at Wal-Mart. You don't say...

Challenge: Wal-Mart
Question: Do you think Cover Girl Hates that is has a contract w/ Wal-Mart? I think it hates that it has a contract w/ Wal-Mart. Anyway. No Wal-Marts in NY? Oh well, we will just pretend there are! They set up a lame wall display of Cover Girl products in some random store front on what looks like 5th Avenue. The girls are broken up into teams of 3 and are told they have to find some random woman on the street that they think is a Cover Girl. Then they have to bring her back to the "studio" to show them the make-up that suits them.
I'd like to point out that none of the women they brought back to the "studio" were of color. So, either the girls are racist or they are lazy and didn't want to figure out how to do make-up on a black woman.

Team 1 Team 2 Team 3 Team 4
Aminat  Kortnie Thalia Allison
Celia  Teyona Jessica Nijah
Sandra  Fo London Natalie

Team #1: did a good, solid job. But it was pointed out that Sandra said next to nothing during the entire challenge. I'm not having any of that - this bitch needs to step it up.
Team #2: totally sucked. They talked all over each other and were very confusing.
Team #3: complimented on their good make-up skills but were critisized for doing good make-up. Wait, what? Supposedly they spent too much time showing how the make-up worked instead of telling how the make-up worked. Wait, what?
Team #4: oh my god! The woman they chose seemed slightly retarded. They were complimented for treating their girl so well and making her feel great. But they got slammed for bringing the make-up from the wall to their station. Huh?!? Why even provide a station?

Winner: Team #1!
Jessica was having none of that - what's her problem? Maybe that they challenge judges made some bullshit up so they wouldn't get the win? I still hate her though.

At dinner: eating at an African restaurant could have been a great moment for Sandra to talk about her culture - but, instead, she decided to be an asshole. There's my girl. She just loves to alienate/drive people away! Starting off the evening, Sandra passive-agressivly calls out Aminat for having one drink. One god damed drink! Her claim is that models should be on their best behavior. After running her mouth like an idiot, she looks around w/ her Muppet grin for validation. She does not find any. Not even from London! But we do see that she seems to be affected by the other girls' open dislike.

Photo Shoot: Lighting/Self-Directing
First: how fucking creepy was Mr. Jay, just standing there in a dark alley? What is this, "Alice, Sweet Alice?"
This photo shoot is a big deal b/c Nigel is doing it and he's a judge - just in case you didn't know that - thank you Aminat. The basic idea is that three girls will pose in a rape wearhouse. One of them (at a time) will hold a pair of lights that look like dildos. I love group shots b/c it gives the judges a chance to talk shit on more girls at once.

Thalia is amazed by the outfits for the shoot - she didn't realize that there were so many outfits in leather! Not a lot of leather at Wal-Mart? She was also totally confused by everything going on around her. Imagine that.
Allison seemed to do pretty well.
Nijah basically just laid down, which would open up so many jokes about her sexual prowess, except that her eyes were so dead they would all be necrophilia jokes.
Jessica looked a little like a dude. Part of it was the make-up but most of it was that she is really annoying and stupid.
Aminat really bummed me out. I like her b/c she's kinda dumb, looks pretty decient and talks shit to Sandra. So, when Celia totally upstaged her as a background model I felt bad for her. But she seemes like a cool person since she didn't even talk shit on Celia for what was possibly and accident.
Celia does a great job when she is the main focus as well. And Mr. Jay clearly has a lesbian crush on her, pulling her aside to dole out little tips, while all the other girls flounder on their own.
Sandra is disgusting. Mr. Jay had to coach her through several shots but she didn't do a god damned thing.
Kortnie was so fucking lame and clueless about what she was doing. They are lights - hold them - take picture.
London tore that shit up! She must have heard my comment about "Blade Runner" b/c she was scaring me w/ her feirceness.
Teyona genuinely did a great job. She's so soft-spoken that sometimes I forget she's there! But she really made an impression on me and Mr. Jay. Teyona looks like what Grace Jones would have looked like had she been an attractive woman.
Fo, what a fucking Drama Queen! She steps in front of the camera and practically has a nervous break-down. It's still all about the hair, which is so lame. She keeps saying it's "hard" to work w/ short hair. Why? It's just hair! If Tyra had decided to give her a third arm, sewn onto her chest, then, yeah, that's a little hard to work w/.
Natalie is kinda whatever for me. Also, she's getting on my nerves. Looks-wise, she reminds me of Katarzyna (spelling?). Nigel seemed to like her but I'm not feeling it.

Have you noticed that they always cover the 17 Magazine w/the Top Model w/ whoever has recently graced the current cover? You know, I'm not interested in looking at Lauren Conrad.
So, Ms. J's gimick this cycle? Wearing a bowtie that get's bigger w/ every elimination. "Cool." But look! Noel is back! And what a huge bitch he is! Notice how Sandra wears the same god damned red shoes all the time? She looks like a nutcracker.

Fo: the issue of crying on set was brought up and she tried to play it off, saying that she actually liked the cut. But Tyra's keen sense of smell sniffed that shit out and called her on it!
Kortnie: dead eyes is what everyone seems to get from her. Kinda like the monolouge that Quint gives in "Jaws."
Nijah: this poor girl was lost from the start. She had no idea what anyone was talking about. I agree that her shirt looked like a nightgown - something Dorothy would have worn on "Golden Girls."
London: looked great in person and on photo. Her pose looked like something from Star Wars, but in a good way.
Allison: great photo. But, uh, isn't this girl supposed to be weird or something?
Sandra: the pannel basically panned her photo. Paulina said she wasn't projecting any light - which is a stupid thing to say since human beings can't do that. But I agree - Sandra is an agent of darkness, so no light projecting here.
Celia: HOLY SHIT. That photo was awesome.
Jessica: created a reality TV deja vu for me. When she primmed her hair I was immediatly brought back to the dark Tatiana del Toro days of American Idol. Luckily, the judges had the good sense to make fun of her for that. They also hated her photo b/c they aren't blind.
Thalia: in the photo she basically just stood there...and looked like an old hooker.
Natalie: what a fucking mess. Her hair, her shirt...ugh. The judges liked the photo but I thought she looked a tad palsey in the eye.
Teyona: her hair is really too funky BUT her photo was awesome.
Aminat: I think she's drowning.

When it came time for the judges to break it down:
Negative Positive
Fo  London
Kortnie  Allison
Nijah  Celia
Sandra  Natalie
Thalia  Teyona

Deathmatch! Thinderdome Battle!
Fo vs. Jessica

Tyra broke it down for both of them. Fo needs to cut the crying...on set. So, it's OK in the house? I hope so! Jessica is only pretty in person; her photos are nasty. I love that Jessica has started crying even before she's called forward w/ Fo, but she's got her hands jammed into her pockets. Of course Fo stays, she's a cry baby, while Jessica has nothing to bring to the table.
Nobody seems all that bummed that Jessica was leaving - sorry Jessie! Tyra tells her that it's not always about being pretty, blah, blah, blah. Jessica says she understands. But promptly forgets the second she leaves; during her voice-over good by she says that she should have stayed longer b/c she thinks she's prettier than all the other girls! You are Jessie, you are!

Next Week: Charm School

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

ANTM #1/#2 - Finals!

(First I would like to say: thank you, thank you, thank you for being so patient. I've been promising this for at least a week now - probably two! Sufice it to say that last week was not a good time for me and this blog, unfortunatly, took a back seat. But here I am - ready to go! I hope to have my final ANTM posts up on Fridays. Thanks again!)

Episode #1 - Semi Finals

Let me just say that I know I'm not the first one to point this out, but: it's always a wee bit anti-climactic when the producers show us the finalists BEFORE the premire. On the flip-side, we get to see how the strongest clawed their way to the Top 12. It's like watching evolution or some shit.

At first I thought that having the semi-finals in Las Vegas was pretty lame but then it occured to me that Tyra, in all her benevolent glory,  was bestowing a blessing on the girls that didn't make the final cut. Once they were dismissed, all they had to do was walk 3 1/2 minutes in any directon and find work as a waitress, dancer ("dancer") or sex worker. Easy like Sunday morning!
Now, since I've already talked about the girls that did make it, let me say a few words about the bitches that got cut:
  • Monique - ever wonder what Laura Prepon (That 70's Show "fame") would look like if she were a dude? And if said dude was auditioning for the mid-90's Mel Gibson flick "Consperacy Theory"?
  • Alex - the least appealing girl on earth. Jesus Christ! She looks like Aileen Wornos - the serial killer - but not the "Charlize Theron is going to get an Oscar for this shit" kind. No, she actually lookes like a lesbian serial killer.
  • NOTE: I don't think the producers made a bad choice on getting rid of these two. They were too nasty and trashy. If you're too trashy for ANTM, you need to handle that.
  • Kathyrine - pretty freaking adorable! But she was a big ol' crybaby. Also, how freaked out did Tyra look when she busted out her pen collection? She didn't ask to hold the pens b/c she was curious - she was scared that K. was gonna stab her w/them. But it was good that Tyra called her out for being gimmiky instead of just bringing her game.
  • Angelea - *sigh* I'm pretty sad about this one. On the one hand: she would have lost her edge way too early (Ebony!), on the other: she could have been so much fun! I loved that her life centered around a.) leaving Buffalo, NY (guess what? You did! Now you're in Las Vegas!) and b.) winning ANTM (w/ those nails and that hair? Her makeover would have been epic). But beyond that, Angelea wasn't bat-shit crazy enough. That's why Sandra got the best of her during the photo shoot. Also, playing the personal tragedy card so early? Not smart. The producers clearly didn't want her in the first place or they would have paired her w/ Isabella/Seizure Girl. Angelea's kid died from having a seizure (how fucking sad is that?!? Christ!) and Isabella still suffers from them. Match made in heaven? Guess not...
Challenges: Cloud Walk/Roman Profile
We are introduced to the girls at Las Vegas institution Caeser's Palace. After the jumbled mess of screaming and flailing limbs, the girls are ushered to some clothing racks loaded w/ what can only be described as left-over cocktail waitress uniforms the hotel/casino provided.
Ms. J gets her moment in by challenging the firls to walk on a runway BUT since they are all "godessess" they have to walk on clouds. What the fuck? Oh, wait - or pretend to...a fog machine pumped in some hazy crap that obscured the runway. I was hoping (as I'm sure the producers were) that someone would trip or fall off. Alas, we were all disappointed! I did love how everyone had an opinion on everyone's walk but everyone sucked.

The photo shoot was a nice idea: Profiles. It doesn't allow the girls to make assholes out of themselves on purpose but exposes the natural idiots who can't understand simple directions. I hardly remember the slide show of photos, which is fine. 
By the way, Kathyrine (Pen Lady) seems totally incapable of not crying. Which I find hilarious.

The first cut is made and the flood gates open. Whatever. When is Tyra showing up? Oh wait...
Enter Tyra! With fanfare that can only be described as GAY, and a reaction on par w/ 1960's Beatles hysteria or mid-80's Rick Springfield interest, Tyra finally graces us w/ her presance. Escorted by the regects of 300's casting director, Tyra calls herself the "Godess of Feirce" (or Cheeseburger). After blathering on about how she is looking for a succesor to her throne (yeah, right) Tyra tells us that it's another NY cycle! Yeay!

Now w/ a more manageable number of girls, another photo shoot is set, giving Mr. Jay more screen time than he deserves. The girls will be portraying godesses. Some I have actually heard of - others must be B.S. They didn't show everyone, so I could only comment on what flashed across the screen.
  • London - Godess of Justice/I'll buy that since she claims to be a Street Preacher (is that like a Street Figher?). Maybe she will rain justice down on all these sinners?
  • Fo - Godess of Madness/This could be fitting when you consider that the other contestant to make such a big deal about being "mixed race" was April. Her decent into madness was entertaining!
  • Aminat - Godess of Strength/This one is kind of ironic: all the judges said she was the strongest in the competition but she kinda fell flat when it came to the first official photo shoot.
  • Thalia - Godess of Prosperity/Hardly.
  • Allison - Godess of Honor/More like Godess of Nosebleeds.
  • Sandra - Godess of Success/Strangly enough, I think this girl symbolizes sucess perfectly. If you claw your way through whatever is in your way and alienate everyone surrounding you w/ your shitty attitude - you are assured a place on the top. Probably b/c no one wants to be around you, so there's no where else to go.
  • Isabella - Godess of Modesty/Here is another good match. Unfortunatly, it was also the Kiss of Death. Izzy is just too nice and modest to stick around.
  • Nijah - Godess of Friendlyness/First of all, there's no such thing. On top of that: I'm a little disapointed in myself b/c I can't say "yea" or "nea." This girl was so fuckign bland that I can't remember anything about her.
  • Natalie - Godess of How the Hell Should I Kknow?/Same as above. Times a million.
  • Kathyerine - Godess of Victory/Heh, I don't think so.
  • Angelea - Godess of Love/This is the only one that really nails it, huh? The producers were just fucking w/ her at this point, right?
OK, so the Angelea/Sandra smackdown was entertaining, no? It was at this point that we got to see which Alpha Female would eat the heart of the loser. Sorry Angelea. It's her fault, plain and simple. Sandra manipulated her into lashing out, which exploited Angelea's greatest weakness: she's too self-concious. Sandra is CRAZY and the other girls are basically garden-variety idiots, so Angelea is screwed. She ended up relying on her base instincts and got super Ghetto. Later on, through what can only be tears of self-loathing, she chastized herself for acting so badly - something she knew better than.
Like I said earlier, Angelea would have died on this show, so it's better that she was cut now. Mr. Jay (inflating his sense of self-worth) tattled on her to Tyra. THe look in Tyra's eyes upon hearing about a "girl fight" reminded me of Gerard Butler in 300, before he kicked that dude into the big-ass pit. While Mr. Jay was right (to Angelea: "whatever she said/did, doesn't matter, you shouldn't have reacted), it was shitty of him not to mention that Sandra was a part of the SNAFU.

Commercial Break: Cycle 13 goes to Liliput? Dude, when the FUCK are we going to get an Asian winner?

Episode #2 - New York
The girls wander around NY for a bit before heading over to the Empire State Building. Question: why do the producers  feel the need to showcase landmarks that EVERYONE has seen? It's cheesy. For whatever reason, Nigel hands the keys to the new house to Celia and tells her she gets to chose her bed, while the other girls (presumably) get to battle it out in fierce hand-to-hand combat for the remaining beds.
We learn a few things about the girls:
  • London loves stupid nylons and headbands.
  • Celia is excited about being the oldest girl - so am I!
  • London isn't just a Jesus Freak, but a push-over.
  • Sandra is fucking CRAZY (this will be repeated many times).
And here is where things get fun again. Sandra decides to pull the Alpha Female shit on Celia. THe Ancient One is having none of that. So, when faced w/ a far supirior opponant Sandra tries to roll her over and ignore the (arbitrary) house rule. When that doesn't work she uses the tried and true tactic that all empowered women use: she cries. And that is how you know she is insane. She cries b/c she doesn't get the bed she wants. Eventually, London rolled and gave up her bed b/c she's an idiot.
Instead of being greatful that one person in the house doesn't openly despise her (just on the inside - like Jesus would have wanted!), Sandra saw the moment of weakenss as a sign she was still Charles in Charge and continued to behave like a disgusting person. Sweet.

Challenges: Fashion Show/Playground Photo Shoot

Runway: Good Girls/Bad Girls
The girls are sent to a runway show where they are challenged to walk. Some girls are given clothes w/ the theme of "good girl", others "bad girl." Honestly, I couldn't tell the difference. 
  • Isabella was worried about having a siezure triggered by the strobe light. Unfortunatly, nothing happened.
  • Sandra eventually suffered a stroke mid-walk b/c she didn't even make it half way down the runway before stopping, spazing out/posing and going backstage. She then proceded to rate her walk an 8/9. Math! It's so relative, like time...
  • THalia had a shitty walk. Maybe it was b/c she was so butt-hurt about being covered up, while the other girls got to dress like whores.
  • Teyona, however, was Feirce!
  • I don't remember why I wrote this down, but: Ms. J is great.
Photo Shoot: Childhood Games
Before I say anything about the shoot...WTF was Mr. Jay wearing? Gay TRON?

OK, so we know it's all about Tyra, right? Cool. Just wanted to check. The theme of this shoot is Childhood Games from the playground. Tyra's concerned about lost childhood, especially girls. While I doubt that's B.S., I have trouble in finding the logic in having "sexy girls" dress up in child-like clothes and play antiquated games. Why not have them dress up and act like jobs little girls could aspire to? Teacher, Astronaut, President! THese are not just fantasies but actually possibilities!

THe farther into the episode we go, the more we learn:
  • Fo is a pre-school teacher; probably an advantage.
  • Thalia is not only annoying but awkward and cataloge.
  • Allison is kinda fun!
  • Jessica is so devoide of personality and talent that she copies the other girls.
  • Natalie is...wait, who's Natalie?
Tyra decided to dress like a fat school teacher - let the mayham comence!
  • Sandra: critisized for runway performance and lame picture. She dismisses the critisizem, not w/ Natasha's whimsical madness but w/ an air of entitelment resereved for Paris Hilton. Basically, she's still an asshole.
  • Aminat: it was at this point that that we discovered that all the hype about Aminta was...just hype.
  • Jessica: she's never been called ugly! And she's Puerto Rican! And...uh, that's it. But I still adore Ms. J for this: "you've never been called your face." Blank stare from Jessie.
  • Isabella: WTF?
  • THalia: suprise, suprise! Her picture was lame...but she's not going home anytime soon.
  • Natalie: her photo was whatever but the FUCKING HEADBAND! Someone else wore a headband to pannel and was sent home. I like to think that Jesus Freak was all like: "Here, you should wear one of my headbands, they are popular right now."
  • Everyone else did OK. For the most part this wasn't a spectacular shoot.
  • Paulina happened to look scary as fuck, though!
  • The judges decided that Jessica relize on her pretty too much, London is oddly proportioned (true), and THalia is under performing b/c she is insecure.
1st: Allison! Yeay, score one for the creepy chicks! Also, how awesome was it that she walked the wrong was after getting her name called?
2nd: Fo
3rd: Teyona
*photos were so WHATEVER that I seriously don't remember what they looked like.

Deathmatch! Thunderdome Battle!

Sandra vs. Isabella
This one was actually a good Bottom 2. Sandra is not only CRAZY as Fuck but she really does suck. Her insanity let's her think that walking half way down the runway is a homerun and that standing around during a photo shoot makes her the best of the bunch. But it also makes her perfect for the show. As long as she continues to abuse her roomates, there's always the possibility of drama. The stronger personalities will clash w/ her, of course, but eventually the quieter/timid girls will come out of their shells and freak out. I'm excited by the thought that London will just crack and piss on Sandra's bed.
Isabella on the other hand was just weak. Her personality was her disability. And her motives were confusing, at best. Cycle 4's Rebecca fainted durning pannel one time; she had a history of fainting spells but sincerely she didn't think it would affect her performance. Isabella was activly taking medication for an on-going medical problem. That's stupid. There are flash bulbs and loud music going on while you work, what did you think was going to happen? Unlike Thalia's shitty attitude, Isabella was too positive. She had long ago learned to live w/ this, while Thalia never will.
Going Home: Isabella.

NEXT WEEK : Makeovers!

Thursday, March 5, 2009

What Happens in Vegas...

...Should just Stay in Vegas.
But if it did, then we wouldn't get to watch this season of America's Next Top Model (ANTM)! And that would be a travesty. Because this season is shaping up to be AWESOME. Last cycle's winner McKeay (or whatever the fuck) was a total dud, and now that we know Whitney might have been planted in cycle 10, well...we need some old school shit- now.
Thankfully, these girls are bringing it.
I'd like to start by re-capping the final 12, talking about how my opinion has changed (or not).

Allison - I called her a "sock puppet" and I still think she looks like one. But in a good way. Instead of just being plain stooopid, she's turning out to be delightfuly oddball! While not on par w/, say, Jael or Brittany (from the Naima cycle, right?) she could be seriously entertaining. I especially loved when she said that she was fascinated w/ blood and got super excited about Trya having uber nose bleeds when she was a kid.
Aminat - My original opinion doesn't hold up now that I've seen more of her; she doesn't look at thing like Ambrial. What's bothering me is that the judges were cumming so hard for her when they flung her through the selection segment and now she's sort of not doing too well. But I like her attitude and I think she has some real potential.
Celia - So I just assumed that we had a lesbian on our hands. Maybe we still do but it hasn't been brought up yet, so that gives me hope that if she is, Jesus Freak girl will be all over that shit. But other than all that, I actually LOVE LOVE LOVE Celia. She's off looking (a little Michelle, no?) but strong and older, so she's got a solid personality. My favorite so far.
Fo - I was hoping that we had someone in the running for High Bitch here. But alas I was wrong. Maybe. Either way I'm kinda on the fence about her. Also, I screwed up and thought she was from Arizona, when she's from New Mexico. What I love most is her mixed racial background; half black, half Mexican. That's still not a familiar mix and she's lovely looking proof that we need more of it floating around in the world.
Isabella - I talked a fair amount of shit about her and it didn't even matter. Turns out the only personality she had was that she suffered from epileptic seizures. Then why do you want to be in an industry that shoves flash bulbs in your face? Idiot.
Jessica - Was and is a Hot Latina. That's about it. She's pretty boring and relies on her looks too much. Even Ms. J gave her some Stank about that...
Kortnie - Hated the spelling but ended up liking the girl. She happily discussed that she used to date some NASCAR guy but didn't want to be known for that. OK, why did you bring it up? But I'm still on her side simply because she's moderately plus-sized. Oh yeah, she also IS SO FUCKING TANNED.
London - I really wanted her to be the Crazy Bitch this cycle. Sort of! Turns out this thing is a Jesus Freak and preaches on the weekends. It's sad that we might not see her lez out, take off her clothes to swim in the bathtub w/ 6 other girls, or call someone a "cunt" but I suppose I can manage...
Natalie - I thought she was bored and boring. Guess what? Nailed it. We hardly saw her in the first episode which could mean that they are just saving her for later or they completely forgot she was even there.
Nijah - Another boring girl...WTF? Why are there so many boring chicks? She's better looking than the 4 girls left behind at the last selection but, so far, a total snooze.
Sandra - Thank GAWWWWWD she's here! Sandra, save the show! Don't worry she will. I kinda thought we'd be getting a white-washed bitch and I was half right. Bitch - yes. White-washed - nope. Turns out Sandra is from Kenya and decided that the whitest fucking place in America was as good as any to land. Even from the first cat fight I knew we had something special here. The bonus is that Sandra is completely off-her-rocker BAT SHIT CRAZY. 
Tahlia - Originally I just thought we had a Soccer Mom on our hands. Instead we have a walking tragedy that is so fucking annoying that it's gone a complete 180 and has made me care so little, I actually want to see her shunned, ridiculed and/or patronized by the stronger animals in the jungle. Yes, it's sad that you are a burn victim and it must be hard to get over it. But SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT. Isabella was all seizure and guess what? She went home. Where do you think you are going?
Teyona - I was waaaaay off base w/ the possible High Bitch placement but that's OK. While I'm a little whatever about her, Teyona seems to be a pretty cool, fun chick. I hardly remember anything about her photo but she has an attitude that could be beneficial to the show.

Since this has gone on long enough, I think it best that I wait on recapping the entire episode for tomorrow. I took notes (!) but they were pretty scattered since it was a 2 hour premiere and I didn't have an actual formula for what I wanted to do. So, instead of half-assing my first review I'd like to get my shit together and give you something better. Still no photos for the time being. I have to google my way through some instructions before I can get that going. Soon hopefully!
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