Brazil Nuts!!!

So, they are still refusing to say that London was too fat to stay. Instead it's all being contributed to "her beauty wasn't translating to film", as opposed to Aminat...

At first I was extra annoyed w/ Teyona b/c she was claiming that people were starting to hate on her...paranoid! Oh, wait, Fo is - b/c she's retarded. So, I guess I'm just the usual amount of annoyed w/ Teyona now.

Welcome to Sao Paulo, Brazil! Shitty city, massive crime rate, loads of smog and human waste. Also, Fashion Capital of South America! And the location of a treasure hunt for the girls. They are charged w/ finding the favorite flower of the real "Girl from Iponiema." Everyone splits up into teams (Celia and Allison, Teyona and Amiant, Natalie and Fo) and races to the location! Turns out the flower in question is a Bird of Paradise, which is kinda cool. Once they have hold of the flower, they have to go to a location and find the actual girl the song was based on. I figured that just meant they would get to see a statue or something - but no! There she was! Dancing rythmlessly and speaking terrible English.

Let me just mention two things: EVERYONE seems to think that Teyona is competition, but I don't understand why. And Natalie is on my last fucking nerve; she spent the ENTIRE episode bitching and complaining about every god damned thing.

Fo and Natalie are the first to arrive, followed by Teyona and Aminat, and lastly Celia and Allison. The winning girls are handed the keys to their new Penthouse and everyone goes to check it out. It's pretty cool; I guess I'm conditioned to expect a house covered in odd looking decor and pictures of Tyra...

Later on the girls are introduced to Capoiera by a guy that says his name and it comes out sounding like "Eddie Murphy." According to Eddie, Capoiera can help the models create drama, which none of them need help w/ in real life. Girls are paired off to "spar." Natalie sucked ass, naturally. Celia was doing a great job w/ Aminat, and then endeared herself to me forever by "accidentally" kicking her in the head. Not very hard mind you, but I felt it. 

The best part was when Aminat said that it's OK the first time, but she's going to break some legs if it happens again. Why would Celia do it again? Who the fuck does Aminat think she's dealing w/, Chuck Norse?!?

Anyway, just remember that if you ever meet Aminat, you can kick her in the head and it's OK - but only once.

Photo Challenge: Fashionable Fighting

The winner gets 50% more frames - taken from another girl.

All the girls have to do is remember some of the moves they learned 5 minutes ago and take pictures doing just that.

• Teyona forgot she was at a photo shoot and just lumbered around for a few minutes
• Allison did the exact opposite and banged out a great shoot
• Celia had some dynamic shots but managed to BLOCK HER FACE most of the time
• Fo did fine but forgot her face
• Natalie looked dumb - the J's were nicer and said "clumsy"
• Aminat did whatever...when is this girl leaving?

Fo wins! Wait, what? How did that happen when the J's pointed out that she looked like a pug?!? I mean, pugs are super cute (no doubt) but hardly model-esqe. Anyway. She manages to act like a fool by taking her 50% from Teyona, claiming revenge for last week. But just to annoy me even further, she throws in that "Teyona is strong competition." 

Later on Teyona instigates some shit by confronting Fo. Teyona hardly made sense but Fo made even less when she claimed that she looked embarrassed in front of everyone last week. Uh...no one cares about you!

Photo Shoot: Carmen Miranda

The girls get to pose in a shitty neighborhood, while trying to channel Carmen Miranda. Sort of.

• Celia seemed to be holding back a little w/ everything, especially the face
• Allison looked so good and came off as adorable
• Natalie just sat there, like she always does, and was worried about all the poor people around her. Not, like, their well-being, but more so them touching her
• Aminat still looks confused and boring
• Teyona gave some great smiles
• Fo came across as very Carmen Miranda/drag queen. But I felt bad for her b/c Mr. J was all over the place w/ his "directing" and she just got more and more confused...

Later on we learn that while Natalie isn't worried about panel, Aminat is. Foreshadowing!

Panel

• Aminat (looks great!): the photo is OK but her face is whatever. The judges point out that she's been giving the same "Black Girl Model Pose" since day one.
• Natalie (looks terrible!): her photo is bland and the judges note that while the pose is pretty good, it's lacking sparkle. Also, SHE TRIED TO THROW MR. J UNDER THE BUS!!! Tyra was having none of that.
• Celia (spunky!): eh...not amazing. I agree that it is her weakest shot, but nothing worthy of getting kicked out for.
• Allison (adorable): GREAT FACE! Everyone notes that she looks Alive - best photo yet.
• Fo (casual but bright): it's agreed that she does look like Carmen Miranda but it's just cute and not fashionable.
• Teyona (ugh...): it was just OK for me, though I still loved all her smiles. The judges pointed out that the photo was an editorial version of Carmen Miranda.

Positive

Allison - has totally redeemed herself

Teyona - very model-esqe (whatever)

Negative

Fo - too much of an actor

Celia - not fresh

Aminat - a one-trick pony

Natalie - mo energy/boring

Thunderdome Battle! Deathmatch!

Aminat vs. Natalie

According to Tyra, Natalie is the prettiest girl/obvious model in the competition. Natalie loved to hear that. But she is also uninspiring. I imagine Natalie wasn't as pleased w/ that observation.

Aminat has the best body (which is probably true) but thinks she's doing more than she really is. Which is definitely true.

Going Home: Natalie - all she learned was that "you need to have thicker skin." But she did wonder why she was the one to go home when there were worse pictures than her's. I'll tell you why: YOU TRIED TO THROW MR. J UNDER THE BUS. How did she think that was going to play out?

My question was: couldn't we send them both home? Aminat absolutely drags down the competition.

Next Week: "Go Sees"! Sexy photo shoot! When are they going to get waxed?

ANTM #8 - Big Girls Don't Cry

During the recap we were treated to another clip of Thalia being sent home. I will NEVER get tired of that. Question: why do they do the Cover Girl commercial when there are still a fair amount of girls left in the competition? Most of them can't speak to save their lives, but w/ the stronger competitors at least there's a better chance on only one person failing miserably - instead of almost everyone.

I was kinda pissed that Celia and her picture (displayed as "digital art") didn't get much screen time, but it was delightful to see Celia tell Allison to "work harder" at gaining more versatility. I think that Celia is totally sick of having Allison hang onto her all the god damned time.

Across the house, Aminat and Teyona were commenting on how crappy the Cover Girl commercial experience was. That is correct, b/c it was crappy for everyone ladies.

Finally!!! Celia brings up London's street preaching and how she goes about doing it. I kinda don't think Celia really cared, maybe she was just bored. But I give London the credit she deserves for not being an asshole like Robin was in the first cycle. And it was nice to hear that London actually was still into God and Jesus - like I said before: "Maybe they broke up."

Later on, the girls get whisked away to their challenge. They are greeted by Mr. J, who explains what a "Creative Director" does. Hey, thanks for that! As if the words "creative" and "director" weren't already self-explanatory. But he needs to justify his presence, b/c he loves to hear himself talk - and I kinda do too, sometimes.

Seventeen Magazine editor Anne Shoket popped up to help out, explaining that the girls would be modeling South Pole, Jr. clothing, w/ "street-style w/ edge." 

Challenge: Creative Director for a day

Every girl gets to be the creative director for another girl's shoot. They will chose the clothing, design the hair and make-up, and direct the model w/ the help of the photographer. This should be fun.

• Natalie --> Teyona (Natalie thought she was "visionary", while I thought she was "aight." And you better believe that Mr. J wasn't buying it.)
• Allison --> Aminat (The surprise here is that Allison was more assertive and interesting than she's ever been in the competition. Mr. J noticed this too, also complimenting her on Aminat's look.)
• Fo --> London (There was some bitchy-ness about London having gained weight, making it hard to find the right clothes for her. I was not amused. Mr. J thought the whole thing looked like a Holiday Gap add.)
• Aminat --> Natalie (This was, by far, the most entertaining segment. All the girls get 1 hour to prep their model. Aminat wasted ALL OF HER TIME. When Mr. J points this out, instead of owning it and apologizing, she cops an attitude! And then she throws the hair/make-up people under the bus by claiming they were taking too long. Mr. J was having none of that, pointing out that when they have shoots the girls are sent to hair/make-up first while the clothing is being chosen for them. Aminat just had Natalie chillin' in a chair while she wandered around looking at clothes. She is clearly an Asshole.)
• Teyona --> Celia (It was interesting to see Teyona in action; she had a clear idea, executed it well and behaved like a normal person. Mr. J loved the shoot and was happy to hear that Teyona did all the styling herself.)
• London --> Allison (Poor girls! London was worried about getting Allison to look "Street" and I'm sure Allison was freaking out as well. She ended up putting an outfit together that looked EXACTLY like something she had worn before make-overs. Even going so far as to slap a headband on Allison. Mr. J was not impressed.)
• Celia --> Fo (This is Celia's strength: styling. She did a great job. While the shoot looked great, Mr. J pointed out that Celia chose a photo where Fo's feet were cut out of the picture. While that's the photographer's fault for shooting it, I'm sure there was something better she could have chosen.)

Winner: Teyona! She will get to do a photo spread in 17 Magazine and is allowed to pick two girls to go w/ her. She choses Celia and Aminat.

I love that Fo gets pissy over this. Teyona said very clearly that she chose Celia b/c she couldn't have won it w/out her. But that sort of logic doesn't fly w/ Fo I guess.

Mr. J sneeks into the house at 5:30am to wake up the girls. Fuck that. If I saw his frosted tips in my face at 5:30 in the god damned morning I would have instinctively punched him. But at least he brought hair and make-up w/ him so the girls could get ready.

The surprise for the day comes when R&B sensation Ciara shows up at the house. I don't know anything about this girl but she is very attractive and seems pretty nice. I loved her even more when Aminat attacked her w/ a hug and her body language clearly said: "Get the FUCK away from me!"

Photo Shoot: Stalking Ciara

• Celia: looking pretty fierce!
• London: prayed for help but didn't seem to get any. (Mr. J pulls her aside to talk about her weight gain and tells her he's concerned about her health.)
• Teyona: rockin' it!
• Natalie (of the crazy hair!): still dead in the face but when she was instructed to start snarling, she began to do better.
• Fo: looked great and gave a lot of variety in the face.
• Allison: came across as kinda awkward but when Mr. J chastised her for it, her anger got her into a really good groove!
• Aminat: FUCKING RETARDED. There was a moment that she actually turned her back to the camera and a photo was snapped. I feel like Mr. J was done w/ her.

Later on the clearly worst of the bunch talked about their photo shoots. Aminat asked Fo about her shoot and Fo straight up told her that she did a great job; Aminat was forced to admit that her's was not so awesome. On the other side of the house: Natalie asks about London's shoot and she said it was bad and Mr. J called her fat. Then London questions why God put her there. The answer is easy: God didn't do any of this, you did. You auditioned for the competition and ate too much breakfast cereal.

Panel

Before we even get to the carnage, a young man in a Speedo walks in carrying a box full of nuts up to Tyra. He's speaking Portuguese and, supposedly, Tyra can understand him pretty well. Turns out (duh) he's from Brazil! And that's where the girls are goin! Except the one that gets eliminated tonight!

• Natalie - Great face and even over-shadows Ciara (judges liked)
• Aminat - Looks absolutely clueless (judges did not like)
• Celia - Fierce and exclaims "I like it!" (judges state that it's "not classic" but loved it)
• Teyona - Good face but odd pose (judges liked)
• London - Weird looking - still channeling Norma Desmond (judges did not like)
• Fo - (looked adorable at panel!) Gave a great picture (judges liked)
• Allison - Fierce! For once! Though the body was only so/so (judged loved it)

Allison happened to complement the photographer by saying that he was her favorite to work w/. Then Nigel proved that he's a bigger bitch than we had originally thought by complaining. Tyra made it worse b/c she had to out-bitch Nigel. And then we all felt sorry for Allison.

Positive

Teyona - consistent

Fo - loved her

Natalie - still sucks in person

Celia - worried she more stylist than model

Negative

Allison - could do better

Aminat - might be better for runway

London - could do better, needs to lose weight

Thunderdome Battle! Deathmatch!

London vs. Aminat

According to Tyra, Aminat is gorgeous and perfect but doesn't translate that to the camera and may be better suited for runway. London is also amazing to look at, even having eyes that naturally smile, but just isn't good in pictures. Here Tyra chooses to use the word "celluloid" instead of just "film." It's funny how celluloid is similar in sound to "cellulite." It's also funny that London's photos have actually been strong the entire time and she's never had much trouble getting that on film, while Aminat is a fucking mess. 

Going Home: London

I saw that coming. It's only a little sad. I don't care much about London, so I wasn't emotionally involved in her "journey" but it was clear that Aminat is clueless and might go home next week. She's also a pretty big asshole; she cheered for herself when she was called to stay on the show - right in front of London.

But London is OK w/ everything and she's not even mad at God for being eliminated! I love how passive-aggressive Christian people are. London doesn't want to take responsibility for anything she does, she assumes that God is in charge of her every waking moment. HE is the one that put her on this show, HE is the one that made her get chubby, HE is the one that eliminated her. But it's cool, she's not angry w/ him...

NEXT WEEK: Capoera! And maybe Fo does bad?!?!

ANTM #7 - Sweet Release...

I love that in the recap of last week's episode they are STILL talking about Celia/Thalia...maybe one of them will kill the other tonight?!?

All the girls seem to be kind of "buddy-buddy" tonight; they sit around talking about how they actually want to do a Cover Girl commercial (foreshadowing!) and then have a lovely dinner. It's pretty clear there are still "sides" though; Celia, Natalie and Allison seem to keep together more than mingling w/ the other girls. 

But it's also pretty clear that Natalie is still an Asshole. After dinner Teyona and Aminat ask that everyone clear away their own plates (a reasonable request) but Natalie thinks it's better that she just sit on her ass and let everyone do the washing up. Aminat's logical reaction is to call her a "bitch", which isn't necessarily true - however, "arrogant" is and she does call her that.

Instead of taking that as a sign that maybe she is kinda worthless in every way, Natalie complains to Fo, who pretty much seems like she doesn't care. The BEST part though is when Natalie explains why she didn't get off her ass and help: she's from a "better/wealthier" community and isn't used to cleaning up. 

Oh. OK. That's cool then.

Exercise: Acting w/ a partner

The premise is basic - the girls are given a line by Paulina and are instructed to say the line w/ a certain emotion. Surprise, surprise when half of them couldn't even manage that...

Celia/Aminat: "I've never said that to anyone"

A: bossy C: pitifully (Celia was better/Aminat came across as threatening)

Teyona/Natalie: "I've never said that to anyone"

T: shockingly N: threatening (Teyona was hardly shocking/Natalie was pretty good)

London/Fo: "You've got to be kidding me"

L: pitifully F: threateningly (both girls were pretty good!/Fo be crazy!)

Allison/Thalia: "You need to get out of here"

A: arrogant Th: ecstatically (Thalia is just nasty, can I say that enough?/Allison...whatever)

Let me just interject here:

It's kind of annoying that the producers keep paring Celia and Aminat up, hoping for something to happen. As ghetto as Aminat can get, she not dumb enough to start shit in front of a judge.

Same goes for throwing Teyona and Natalie together. And notice that there's a lot of black/white pairing going on too?

I think (officially) London and Fo might make it to the Top 4. Both have been flying pretty low under the radar and have been either consistent (London) or getting much better (Fo). 

Paulina called Allison and Thalia the "mild mannered" girls. This must be code for "neither of these girls is going to win, let alone break the Top 4." So that's kinda sad. Also, Thalia is an Asshole too.

After the exercise, the girls are charged w/ learning a script about a "has-been model" that is running late for a fitting. Paulina announces that they are going to be acting with......CLAY AIKEN!!!! Who gives a shit? And I give even less of a shit that Clay and Tyra are supposedly "close personal friends." The only way I could marginally care is if they hung out and did karoke to "Ebony and Ivory."

Challenge: Acting w/ Clay!

• London did a great job and has some natural talent on stage.
  
• Aminat was better than I thought she was going to be.
  
• Natalie is basically Stanky at everything she does.
  
• Teyona, once again, managed to make an impression that could only be measured w/ a (-).
  
• Allison was also pretty "eh."
  
• Fo came across as a major Drag Queen, which was super fun to watch.
  
• Thalia can't even act like a human being, let alone a "has been model."
  
• Celai also did the Drag Queen but was hilarious and perfectly over-the-top.
  

Winner: London! Good for her, she's been kind of in the middle lately. She won $5,000 in jeans and some other clothes from some fashion place that I've never heard of.

It was a shot-lived victory when she got home though: turns out London has been struggling w/ her weight lately (she's already pear-shaped) and seeing all the better proportioned girls sliding into HER jeans couldn't have helped.

Photo Shoot: Cover Girl commercial

So, their wish came true! HA! Oh, and they get to hang out w/ MyKey (how the fuck do you spell that?), the only Top Model to have no personality whatsoever. Hmmm...maybe Teyona has a chance.

This commercial is a little different, following in this cycles favorite "let's fuck w/ them" theme of groups. There are two groups that will be filmed. Each girl will get a chance to say all the lines, while the other girls get to try to out-shine her in the background.

Group One:

Celia was OK, she tends to come off a little "odd" in front of the camera.

Teyona set the standard for Retarded by staring at the Teleprompter through her entire performance.

Aminat managed to bring the Stank and look mad AND dead at the same time. Impressive.

Allison rushed through everything and didn't look at the camera either.

Group Two:

Natalie messed up right off the bat and just went on being "whatever."

Fo wasn't that good either.

London was OK but came off a little crazy - I think "door-to-door salesman" was said.

Thalia also messed up, who would have thought? FUCK, I seriously hate her. She had to be by far the worst and even Mr. J said she lacked "spirit/energy."

I really enjoyed how Thalia seemed to be stuck w/ the line "I like full coverage!" And I'm impressed that she didn't bitch about it. But then she started talking about how she still needs more confidence...sigh.

Panel:

I thought it was pretty odd that Clay Aiken was on panel. Sure, he read a few scenes w/ the girls but those were for the stage and were open to interpretation. Cover Girl commercials are super scripted and you are expected to perform in a very specific way...

• Celia: I liked her and thought she was pretty natural, editing in wonderful (though her hair looked super crazy)/judges liked her too, but Tyra (still butt hurt) said she looked old.
  
• Teyona: daaaamn! She looked like Vivica A. Fox!/the judges didn't care for her poses and movement and she squinted too much.
  
• Allison: came off kinda weird/they said she looked good but sounded bad and Trya said it was like getting "punishment" listening to her. She also got chastised for wearing the same thing twice.
  
• London: she came off badly, really odd/"slouchy", "sloppy" and "hardness" were used to describe her. Then, like a cherry on top, Paulina told her not to wear shorts again - ouch! But she did look pretty bad (and the extreme close-up didn't help).
  
• Natalie: yawn!/the judges didn't care for her either. They thought she was forgettable, too stiff and even got over-shadowed by London. I think someone even said she seemed fake!
  
• Fo: still came off rushed but it was better after editing/"sounded like you were chewing gum"!!
  
• Thalia: she was whatever - not terrible/while they said she has a good Cover Girl face, they didn't like her performance. She was too mean looking and tended to fade into the background. HA!
  

Commercial Break: Heather is still working!! And studying video game art!!

Negative

Allison

Fo

London

Aminat

Natalie

Positive

Celia

Teyona

Thalia

Called First: Celia!!!

Thunderdome Battle! Deathmatch!

Allison vs. Thalia (finally)

Tyra chastised Allison for not being versatile and having "one face." But she does come off as editorial, so that's cool. But I still hate that complaint: you can't change those eyes and they are going to be difficult to work around but that's what you heir her for - her look.

Thalia "has a great look for Cover Girl" but the judges weren't sure if she was comfortable being in front of the camera. DUH!!!! Mr. J as said it, Celia said it, THALIA SAID IT, and last week the judges even questioned it. And it's taken them this long to figure it out...

Going Home: THALIA get the FUCK out of here!

According to Thalia her biggest challenge was "myself." That's a god dammed understatement if I've ever heard one. But she came away from this fucking train wreck thinking that she was a great role model. 

NO, NO YOUR NOT. Scott McIntyre from American Idol is a role model because he has persevered and excelled despite his handicap (which he's had from birth, longer than Thalia). On the other hand we have Thalia who chose to go into a business that bases your value on looks alone, as opposed to any sort of talent. Whenever this became challenging she would whine about it and complain that it was too hard and that she didn't want to be there. When things were going well she flip-flopped like a bi-polar. 

NOT ROLE MODEL MATERIAL.

Next Week: The girls get direct each others shoot and there might be another argument!!

ANTM #6 - Bitches Gone Wild!

Eh, sort of...

Let's be honest: this season has been so/so. Basically, you can't top Jade, so why even try? Seems like the producers have realized this and tried to do their best. The problem is that after awhile, people start watching your show and they figure out how to play the game. You shouldn't be playing anything - that means you might actually be smart. And NOBODY is smart on this show. So it gets old b/c everything seems fake.

There have been genuine moments this season, though. I fully believe that Thalia is truly as annoying as she comes across. And, for sure, Sandra is that completely insane. But other than those two, I think that most of the girls are just faking it 'til they be making it...

When we see the girls again, they are coming back from panel. Poor Thalia, the joy she should be feeling from seeing her photo on the wall (as "digital art" - wtf?) is dashed after being abused by Celia. The girls go to their respective corners and Thalia whines to Aminat and Teyona about how hurt and angry she is. In a strange twist, Sandra decides to join Team Lame (guess that's not completely surprising) and hang out w/ the black girls in the house. I thought her and Celia were starting to get along?

It's super lame that most of these confrontations turn out to be Black vs. White. I understand that most of the girls on this show are somewhat ignorant and fall back on easy prejudices, but it's still kinda lazy. Especially in situations like this. Celia was the only one w/ the skills to put together a cohesive argument against Thalia, while the other chicks just sat there. But the rest of the white chicks get herded onto Team Suck b/c...uh, I dunno.

Aminat ignores the fact that this has nothing to do w/ her and starts instigating. Teyona in tow, Aminat swans down the stairs into the kitchen and gets up in Allison's face, yelling that she "picked a side." Natalie was having none of that and lashed back at Aminat. Why is Natalie getting involved now?!? The most damage that Team Lame's leader and right-hand bitch could do was stand on the staircase (have to make sure that you are above your opponent to look better/bigger/more important than them) and flail their arms while screaming a bunch of nonsense.

I loved that Aminat is so dumb that she couldn't manage another word other than "stupid" to describe Natalie. And while I won't disagree (fake camera!), you have to admit: that's like the pot calling the kettle black. I'm basically over everyone on the show now...Celia should have let nature take it's course and Thalia would have freaked herself out again and fallen so flat the judges would have no other choice but to send her home. On the other hand, I'm so fucking sick of listening to Thalia flip-flop, I want to stab my god damned ears.

The best part about all of this is that while Aminat and Teyona were making fools of themselves and Natalie and Allison were trying to become more sympathetic characters, Celia and Thalia were just standing on the landing watching. They didn't even participate!

MOVING ON!

Aminat reads the Tyra Mail and thinks it means they are going to be acting. Well, not so much. Turns out that Mr. J wants them to work on their facial expressions. His guest model/expert is Beth Stern (Mrs. Howard Stern). When we see her photos, we discover that "expert" is a term that Tyra and the producers take VERY lightly - SHE HAS THE SAME FUCKING FACE IN EVERY PHOTO.

Challenge - WTF?

The first part of this challenge allowed Mr. J to listen to his voice for a little while longer. He had the girls stand in front of mirrors and make faces similar to whatever feeling he called out. The nice thing is that they were all in the same room together, so they could practice their Evil Eye as well...

• Allison - basically always looked sad. But that's her look, no? 
• Celia - did well enough, nothing amazing.
• Thalia - looks like a motherfucking crazy person.
• Fo - was kinda whatever for me.
• Sandra - managed to look like a vampire in every shot. But, thankfully, is still CRAZy.
• Natalie - I still can't get into her...

Thalia is still talking about how she has mad confidence now...barf.

Part 2: The girls stand behind huge photos of Tyra w/ her face cut out. Their challenge is to insert their face and make some expression that mirror the photo and Tyra's body language. Mr. J sort of half-assed mentioned that the girls needed to match their bodies to the photo, mostly meaning that if Tyra is tilting her head - so should they. But he didn't explain himself (as usual) and a lot of the girls ended up looking like retards... 

• Celia - didn't do very well. Her biggest problem was not matching her body position. But she didn't give very good face either. I think she was too psyched out - who's fault is that?!
• Fo - still kinda whatever...
• Sandra - I have no fucking idea what she was trying to do. And you could actually see her holding back; she should have done the vampire face again.
• Aminat - No. Just...no.
• Allison - still looking sad! I had hoped that she might rock the candy shop photo, but alas...
• Natalie - actually didn't do all that bad! But I have (yet another) bone to pick w/ Mr. J: he needs to stop telling Natalie that she's lacking confidence, b/c now she actually believes she is.
• Thalia - DISGUSTING.

Mr. J picks Natalie as the winner (bust I still think she's pretty obnoxious and lame) and she gets 50% more frames during the photo shoot.

Thalia and Celia!

I thought it was genuinely nice that the girls could sit down quietly, away from everyone else and talk. Celia starts things off by asking if Thalia is OK. Turns out she's disappointed and humiliated more than anything else. Which is understandable, but totally her fault. It's like she's never watched this show before. And you know that she was disappointed that Tyra learned she's whiny and embarrassed that the judges found out too. B/c just having all of the viewing audience knowing that is cool or whatever, but not the judges!

Anyway, Celia said that she hadn't meant to hurt her. I'm not sure if I believe this - Thalia is pretty annoying. But if that's the story she wants to stick to...whatever. Thalia made a (gasp!) great point when she said there were better ways that Celia could have gone about all that. I agreed (gasp!) and so did dear friend Dynasty Blackburn. Celia should have done a one-on-one w/ Thalia and asked her point blank what the fuck was up w/ her shit.

And while I also kind of agree w/ Thalia pointing out that her problems were/are none of Celia's business, it makes sense that Thalia shouldn't be there if she doesn't want it bad enough. Oh well, you could run in circles on this shit and never come up w/ a good answer! At the end, Celia really thought she was going home...

Photo Shoot - COLORS!

As abstract an idea this shoot was, it came down to: the girls got some colored powder blown willy-nilly on their faces and they had to emote the color. Most of these girls can't even spell, how are they going to "emote a color"? LOVE IT.

• Allison/Pink/Girly - I had trouble w/ this one. I honestly thought that she was holding back some. This should have been ideal for her.
• Aminat/Green/Earth - as nasty as she is...the girl looked LOVELY.
• Thalia/Lavender/Sexy - I didn't buy any of it, though she was getting marginally better as the shoot went on. Mr. J didn't like any of it and questioned why she always goes for sexy. I question that as well b/c she not sexy at all. And neither is lavender! 
• Teyona/Yellow/Happiness - I don't know...I don't get her, you know?
• Fo/Red/Fierce - and she was! That girl rocked the shit out of her shoot!
• London/Blue - I have no idea what she was trying to do bu I thought it looked pretty good.
• Natalie/Orange - again, no idea what she was trying for but it didn't matter b/c she gave the same fucking face every frame.
• Sandra/White/Angel - AHAHAHAHAHAAAHHAHAHH!!! Angel? Uh...no.
• Celia/Grey - I don't know what she was thinking but it worked. She never stated what she was going for but it looked AWESOME. And I love that the producers insisted the oldest girl get a color that is associated w/ old age...and makes her look like an old hag. But a fierce old hag!

Back at the house Celia picks out her outfit for panel thinking that they are the clothes she will be buried in. Dear, you do know that when you are kicked off the show Tyra doesn't, like, kill you, right? And then Sandra yammers on about how awesome her shoot was. I don't think she was actually there, you know? Like, at shoots, she just drifts off to her special place. I think her special place looks like that scene in "Being John Malkavich" when every one at the restaurant has his head. Just a sea of Sandras...as far as the eye can see!

Panel:

FIRST OF ALL, TYRA NEEDS TO CHILL THE FUCK OUT ON NIGEL! THAT DUDE IS MARRIED OR GAY - EITHER WAY LADY! CHANGE YOUR PANTIES AND SIT YOUR ASS DOWN.

• Aminat - she looked pretty good. But I was a little confused about her looking like a "modern take on green." What does that mean.
• Natalie - again, she's just whatever for me. And Tyra wasn't feeling it either. But, according to Tyra, Natalie's face looks flat and she needs to find a way to get some bones in there. Correct me if I'm wrong but I think she already has bones in her face. If she didn't I'd be throwing up already.
• Thalia - they liked her well enough and someone even said the photo reminded them of Mona Lisa. Maybe. But as has been pointed out many times before, Thalia is much more interesting on film than she is in person. Every time there is panel, she looks and acts like a fucking wet rag. Nigel brings up last weeks "situation"and Thalia admits that she has questioned if she wants to be here. He says that's OK, b/c everyone does that (true) but she can't keep thinking like that. She needs to make a decision, soon. Honestly I don't think she really has.
• Celia - everyone still loves her b/c she understands fashion and looks great. Tyra said that she exuded "maturity and strength" w/ the grey. And the photographer wanted to keep shooting w/ her, always nice to hear!
• Teyona - everyone seemed to love the photo and deemed her a chameleon. Tyra went so far as to say that she looked like "hope" and should have been on an Obama poster. Not sure about that, but she looked pretty good.
• London - I like the photo but everyone thought she was lacking emotion in her eyes. This is probably true since the only emotion she knows is her love for Jesus Christ. Maybe. I don't know, she hasn't really said much about him lately. Do you think they broke up?
• Allison - I actually really liked it! Someone thought it was a very modern looking photo but it was pointed out, again, that Allison isn't showing much range...blah, blah, blah...
• Sandra - AHHHHH! WTF is that shit? No body liked it and Tyra apologized to the photographer saying that she chose a bad photo to show how poorly Sandra did w/ a full face instead of a profile. You know who else had that problem? Heather did. And you know what she did about it? Rocked the shit out of it. 
• Fo - HOT HOT HOT. Everyone loved it, as they should have.

Negative

Natalie

London

Allison

Sandra

Celia -BULLSHIT

Positive

Aminat

Thalia

Teyona

Fo

Fo gets called first which is well deserved.

Thunderdome! Deathmatch!

Sandra vs. Celia

Of course we know that Sandra should be here. She should have been here the first week and then gone home immediately. But she was entertaining, so all is forgiven. But Tyra's argument that her being a "one-look model" is pathetic. In that case, why not have Allison down there too? They didn't care much for Natlaie either. Both of those girls would have been a better replacement for Celia. Granted, Tyra had to make her point but it was lame to call her in the Bottom 2. Everyone loved her photo and complemented her outfit. Tyra says that she's not sure if she can work w/ Celia after she tattled on Thalia. Thankfully, she explained herself: basically, Tyra doesn't like it when people mess w/ her money. When she saw Celia open her mouth, she saw Celia mess w/ Thalia's "money." It reminded her of Naomi Campbell (not in those words, of course, but COME ON!) and that doesn't fly w/ Tyra.

Going home: Sandra (duh!)

Of course Sandra is mad about going home! She STILL thinks she's the best at everything and even has a better personality (!) - BYE! Get the fuck outta here!!!

I guess everything is right again in the world b/c next week's preview didn't say anything about drama in th house...

NEXT WEEK: Acting aaaannnddd CLAY AIKEN!!!!!