Ghost Hunters - Season 7, Episode 705

"Hotel Haunts Unleashed" - Rapid City, SD
Hotel Alex Johnson

I am really pushing today. This week I started a new job and it's taken it's toll on me; sitting at a desk may not seem like the most physically challenging work ever, but it's draining. And when you take into consideration that the work I do is repetitive (I'm not complaining - Jesus, it feels great to have a job that handles the bills!), it makes life a little less joyful. But, whatever! On with the show!


Even though the new opening credits are fancy and fun and goofy, I still miss the old credits. We got to see who was on the team at the moment and the graphics were just so piss poor. I especially miss them now that there seems to be a new addition to the team! And I'm not talking about Adam. Though, I would totally rub his belly and give him treats.

The team is ready and waiting in the TAPS headquarters parking lot. Jason and Grant approach with an adorable, scruffy doggie. This is Maddy and she belongs to Jason. Everyone seems to know her already and Steve bends over to pet her. She seems a little freaked out by the whole thing. Jason explains that they have spent eight weeks training her to help on investigations. OH I GET IT!! "UNLEASHED"! LIKE, THE DOG IS OFF IT'S LEASH!
Sounds like a good idea though; she can tell if there are other animals in the area and can pick up on high magnetic fields. Helpful!

Driving into South Dakota, we get to see some awesome looking scenery and Mt. Rushmore. Jason and Grant chat about the place they are investigating, mentioning that they will be spending the night there. I like it when they do that - usually they get some good stuff at night. Amy? Would you like to tell us about the hotel? We've got apparitions of two children (yuck), knocking sounds, doors opening and closing, and Room 812. The story here: a bride, who was staying in that room, threw herself out the window (yikes!) on her wedding night (how shitty do you think that made the husband feel? even Jason makes a face like "the fuck did you say?"). There are reports of very aggressive-type hauntings in there, including being bitten and shoved! Dave is intrigued. Even the hotel manager has had experiences. To lighten the mood, Grant asks if the hotel accepts dogs. Everyone laughs. They fucking better.
The Hotel Alex Johnson! Manager Sam explains that Mr. Johnson built the hotel to commemorate the Native American and Bavarian cultures in the area. Bavarian, you say? Oh, I see. Outside, there's a Bavarian chalet thing going on and inside are a bunch of Indian artifacts. Alright. The place is pretty gorgeous.
Starting in the Lobby, we hear about the ghost of an elderly gentleman walking around. Freaked a few guests out. In the Basement there are voices of people saying "Let me out! Let me out!" and the sound of knocking on the basement door. And in the Laundry Room (which is in the basement), employees report the sounds of people moving around, talking ,etc. Basically going about their business.
Up to Room 304. It's beautiful! Sam lived in the room for about a month when he first arrived, so it has a special (super creepy) place in his heart. As he was laying in bed, asleep, he felt someone get into bed with him and lean on him. He actually felt the bed shift. Fuck. That. Noise. Then the sensation just kind of went away.
The Roof! It's under construction. Some of the men working up there have felt "something" putting pressure on them - like they were being squeezed and a chair was thrown. That's nice. In the crawl space between the 9th and 10th floors is some freaking shit, including growling. GROWLING.
Back down, to Room 802. Not as nice but still lovely. Lots of voices, objects moving, the usual. Though some folks claim to hear the ironing board opening and closing in the closet. There are hotels that still have ironing boards?! A painter that was working in the closets (in that room) claimed to have been touched several times.
And, finally, Room 812. It's not as luxurious as I thought it was going to be, since a bride was spending her wedding night there, and all. But it's not so bad! No reason to throw yourself out of a window. WHOA WHOA WHOA. Sam saying the story is: she either committed suicide by flinging herself from the window or she was murdered by being thrown. VERY DIFFERENT, YOU GUYS. This is where all the biting goes on. And some guests have complained about housekeeping waking them up in the middle of the night by entering the room. When describing the culprit, they always say "dressed in white." Dude. Housekeeping wears black. No. Thank you. Even Sam looks uncomfortable. And some guy claimed "Help Me" was written on the bathroom window after he took a shower.

Time to set up the equipment!

Jason, Grant and Maddy start things off, heading up to the 10th floor. Starting off, everyone is really relaxed - including the doggie. Until Jason heads into the back part of the room. She makes it to the doorway and then stops - Grant check for EMFs and sure enough, they are very high. Down in the basement, there's craaaaazy EMFs and Maddy is having none of that. Grant cannot stop saying "That's awesome!" It gets awesomer when "something" moves.
COMMERCIALS!
(Sears and Craftsman suggest gathering a video camera, a flash light, and some courage and you too can become an investigator!)
They give chase and Grant elaborates that what they heard was someone "grabbing a box and sliding it across the floor." Maddy hears something, too. Good girl!! Jason's K2 Meter starts up and they hear even more noises. I thought I heard something, too, but it's hard to tell. Alas, the second noise was just some machine kicking on. But Maddy doesn't react to that, she's pretty much ignoring the normal noises and focusing on anything paranormal.

The Steve and Dave Show! They're on the 10th Floor now and decide to test the moving chair. Well, to be fair guys - the chair was thrown, not just "moved." Anyway, they do the flour test. You might remember that from Paranormal Activity, except they used baby powder. Flour goes on the floor and chair is, carefully, placed on the flour. If the chair moves at all, the movement will be tracked in the flour. They also set a camera up on it. They also use some fancy-pants thing that reads whatever. I have no idea. Anyway, time to do some EVPs. Steve asks that the ghost move the chair and if it does, they will get the heck out of Dodge.
Dave goes into the crawl space, where the growling is heard. Steve says "Good luck." Awwww. It's just a shitty, shitty space. Even during the day it's got to suck. Dave asks that the ghost make a knocking sound "like this" and then, after a beat, something makes a knocking sound. Fuuuu ... It's not Steve. Just get the fuck out of there Dave. He thanks the ghost and asks for another knock - he gets it. He asks again but gets nothing. And then leaves. THANK YOU.

Amy and Adam head into 812, where the bride died. She starts in with writing on the window. And, no duh, it's super easy to debunk. Just take your finger and "write" on the window. Then, when someone takes a shower and the window fogs up, the message "appears." Jason and Grant (or maybe Steve and Dave) figured out the same thing and left a little note for Amy: "Hello, Amy. You are fired." Adam reads it cheerfully. And I laugh and laugh. She calls them bastards and Adam points out that "great minds think alike." Then they high five. Calm down, you nerds.

Back to Jason and Grant. And Maddy! Back to the fucking 10th floor. Oh, wait. No Maddy. Lame. Instead, they bring the thermal imaging camera. Both of them head into the creepy crawl space. Grant asks if "you're going to growl" and they hear a bang. Jason says he hears someone walking. Grant can't find any animals. But they both pick out all the heating pipes (being plumbers and all), which can make a growling-like noise. They're going to have to test it out. Then they catch movement on the thermal camera!
COMMERCIALS!
It's a figure on the wall. Looks like a fat man. Grant thinks it's a reflection of a crew member but the camera pans back and he's gone. SPOOKY.

Room 304 with Amy and Adam. This is Sam's old room! Adam thinks this is cool. They test it all out; Amy lays on the bed and Adam sits down to lean on her. She can clearly feel it. While he checks the springy-ness of the mattress, Amy reports that twice now she's felt someone touch the top of her head. He checks for bugs and whatnot - there are none. They both get on the bed and start asking questions and Adam gets touched as well. The EMFs are fairly steady, except for the bed area where they were laying. No thanks.

In the Ballroom with Steve and Dave, investigating voices. They use the nutty laser thing that I still don't understand. Then some ... thing ... happens? I have no idea.
COMMERCIALS!
I think Dave thinks he sees an orb but the camera's viewfinder is just too small to tell, for sure. They ask for a really loud banging sound and I hear some pretty distinct knocks. So do the boys. Not sure where they came from or what caused them.

Jason and Grant are in 304. Again, sans Maddy. This is no good, guys. Jason talks about how freaked out guests are and why people don't want to stay there. Then, twice, he gets the sensation of something blowing on the back of his head. There are no vents and the few holes in the ceiling tiles don't have drafts. MYSTERY!

Back to Amy and Adam, in room 812, investigating this dead broad. Amy is going to investigate further this fucked up little tale, but for now, it's picture time! She busts out a camera and asks if she could take some photos of the lady in her wedding dress. This is a version of the IR camera, so it takes pictures in a different light spectrum? Fuck if I know. Anyway, there's some weird mist forming in the photos she's taking.
COMMERCIALS!
There's no actual shape to it but it is interesting that it starts to appear when she asks about the wedding dress. Adam wants her to stand beside him because he'd love to have his picture taken with her. Nothing.

Time to wrap it up. Which is great because I am falling asleep - not because it's boring but because I am wicked tired. Every one goes to their room - Adam is in 802 (where he was touched), Dave gets 304 and Amy gets 812, but I can't tell where Jason, Grant and Steve are staying. Sadly, we don't get to watch everyone sleeping - hopefully they find something in the evidence.

While the review everything, Dave comes across the "orb" in the ballroom but everyone agrees that it's dust. But wait! There's more! He's found a "deep voice" speaking while Amy and Adam are laying in bed getting touched on. I don't hear it, but what do I know. And ... that's it? Oh, they're just waiting for Jason and Grant. Amy shows off her photos. Grant doesn't think it's paranormal - citing the shape of the "mist" as being similar to the lens of the camera. So it's a reflection? I don't quite understand what he's getting at but, whatever. Steve digs into the thermal footage of the old fat man ghost. However, it might actually be a cameraman's reflection. Bummer. Adam presents footage of him sleeping and a female voice talking for a full 6 seconds. First of all, Adam sleeping is adorable. Second -
COMMERCIALS!
Time to present the evidence. Jason and Grant sit with Sam and start with Dave in the creepy crawl space. Sam seems pretty uncomfortable. He can't explain the sound. Moving on: 802 and 812. Back to Adam sleeping and the female voice that I think sounds like a bird. But everyone else thinks they hear footsteps, the door opening and someone mumbling. Jesus. Now, 304, Sam's favorite place. Jason recounts everyone's experiences - including his own. They play the voice and Sam thinks it sounds like grunting, the guys agree. He's surprised that they found anything, and when the guys ask why, he details that any time something would happen to him, he's explain it away. Grant surmises that Sam would have preferred they found nothing since he'd already "explained it away." Here's Grant's awesome response: "Oh, well. Sorry." And Sam's rebuttal of nervously wiping his brow. Everyone is so perfect this episode!
Grant brings up the limestone theory and points out that there's a shit ton of limestone in the area (some of the building is made with limestone). So, there ya go. They won't say the place is "officially haunted" but they do agree that there's some weird shit going on. Sam is happy because, even though the place is wicked creepy, it's all safe. So far.

On the ride home, Jason and Grant rave about Maddy. BUT WHERE IS SHE?! More mystery!
This was an awesome episode and I hope that Maddy makes another appearance, soon.

ANTM - Whatever ...

I forgot to record the episode (!) so it cut in about 3 minutes into the show. We probably didn't miss anything. To recap what happened previously: everyone is an asshole.

The girls come home to Alexandria's photo displayed as digital art. She's still a little surprised about the whole thing since she got called out for being a little bitch on set. I had to double-check this, but my short lived theory on Alexandria being even more bonkers was wrong. There was a girl who worried that the judges wouldn't understand her, which I thought meant that in her mind she thought she was awesome but in reality was a dick head. Turns out it was Dalya that had this concern. Well, she's got her own problems, so whatever.
Like any good psycho, she acknowledges that Tyra recognized an attitude in her and wants to correct that. Not because she realizes that she's an asshole but because she doesn't want to "come off that way." Ugh.
Some of the girls convene at the dinning room table to bitch about Alex's top photo. Kasia claims that "top models" don't have attitudes like that. OK, everybody, let's all google search Naomi Campbell! Ugh.
Now it's time to listen to Sarah bitch about being in the bottom two. She calls herself a "creeper", which is probably why she has such low self esteem. Yo, girl. Turn that frown upside down. She also notes that she's a feminist and from a poor background. We get a shot of Monique giving someone that we are led to believe is Sarah, the side-eye. Sarah continues to lament that she doesn't think she's fem enough - all the while wearing an outfit straight ("straight") out of Sporty Spice's closet. Girl, please.
Everyone is gathered in a bedroom and chats about what's more important: modeling or college? Sarah claims that she's going to "hit the ground running" after this competition. She wants to go to school. This gets a bitchface from Alex, who couldn't possibly conceive of the idea of going to a learning institution that might make you a better person and a productive member of society. She hollers out that she's going to New York no matter what. This makes Sarah bristle and she points out that this competition was a hope and a dream - not a sure thing. Which is true. In a one-on-one, Sarah complains that Alex is questioning her passion for modeling. Yo, weren't you just doing the same fucking thing?
Whatever, these people are dumb. Though I don't blame Alex for not wanting to go back to Orange County. That place blows.

TYRA MAIL!
"If you don't watch your step, you career will go up in flames" - Love, Tyra
Jayla thinks they are going to a fire station. She and I would love to see the fire men. But, no. In some warehouse Ms. Jay tells them they will be doing runway - that's on fire. Monique thinks it's "so crazy." Shut up. Now, the fun part: the girls will be on fire! Oh, just the palms of their hands? Dumb.
In hair and make up, Molly is relieved that the fucked up weave is taken out. Hannah is a little worried that the hairspray in her hair will make her catch on fire. And Alex is scared. I'm rolling my eyes. Let's just get this over with.
First up is Alex. She says "yes, sir" to the safety guy. OK, we get it, you don't want to sound like an asshole. But now you sound like Rain Man. I hated her on the runway but Ms. Jay was fine with it all. Brittani, up next, looooves fire. And making some really dramatic Gloria Swanson poses on the runway. Stop it. Mikaela is up and barely interesting - same for Jaclyn. Molly, sans shitty weave, claims that she was a pyromaniac as a kid so she's not worried. OK ... Sarah has trouble getting her palms to light on fire - OF COURSE. Jesus Chris. Kasia has the worst walk that Ms. Jay thinks is too sexy. I say, too barfy. Hannah and Monique are so dull they get a split screen. Dalya, the runway veteran, is ... fine? I don't know. She seemed really slow and half asleep. Plus, I hate listening to her now - she always sounds like she's about to cry. Though you can't blame her in that house.
Dalya, predictably, wins. She's happy for someone who is sleep walking. And she gets two dresses from the line. Then Ms. Jay tells the bottom three girls to walk home. Which is HILARIOUS. I catch a sign that says Little Tokyo, which is a decent area - not great but not terrible. They think it's the worst. Anyway, they bust out their heels and and practice walking home.

TYRA MAIL!
"Tomorrow it's OK for you to cause a scene" - Love, Tyra.
Somewhere, Alex just made a Grinch smile. Monique doesn't get it. Yeah, big surprise. Molly, astutely suggests that they will be acting. Then the scripts appear at the door. It's for coffee and the challenge is to make the coffee sexy. Everyone tries their best sexy act and all of them are either gross or super awkward. Sarah is freaking out about being a feminist and portraying a dumb bitch that wants to hump her morning cup 'o joe. UGH.
The girls show up at a sound stage and a greeted by Mr. J. He explains that the look of the commercial is retro, which is very current in fashion today. Their director is a fashion photographer/director that is super cute but who's Italian name I can't bother to remember. Still: very cure.
They all get some 50's-60's styling and they all look great. Sarah is already freaking out which is so unnerving to watch. Jaclyn comes to the rescue by crowing over her fake booty that she is delighted with. Mr. J starts to coach them on the whole Mad Men mentality that's going to be the under current to the commercial. It's stupid but it's fun and the girls seems to get that. Except Sarah, who, again, needs to bitch about how totally not feminist this all is. Like, get out of town you Debbie Downer.

Let's get things started with Brittani and Alex. B is not excited about this. The delivery is stilted until it gets too sexy. Then B (I know, I know, I'm too lazy to even type out her whole name) starts to just suck majorly. She doesn't like acting or coffee or whatever and Mr. J calls her out on it. This makes B cry which makes Alex blow on her wet face to dry it. Which makes Alex jump in and take over the whole set. As a person who has worked on film sets, I can tell you this is a no-no. It's such an asshole move.
Now we have Kasia and Jaclyn. It's not bad! They seem to get the vibe and deliver a great performance.
Next is Dalya and Molly. I think Dalya is clinically dead at this point. But I almost have a heart attack when I spy Molly, who looks so much like Betty Draper in her costume!
Monique fucks up her line and says "French roast" instead of "Fierce Roast" (which is the dumb ass name they gave this shit) and when it's pointed out to her, she snips "I drink French roast." No on asked you what you drink. Just make a joke of it and move on. Don't be such a dick. Anyway, Hannah is cute.
Now it's up to Sarah and Mikaela to fuck everything up as much as possible. First, Mikaela's hand shakes like you wouldn't believe and the director yells at her. Then Sarah bumbles her way through the whole thing. It's a train wreck.

The Tyra Mail of Death reminds them that tomorrow, someone is going home.
Most of the girls whine about the day and how they are not actors but models. Even though Mr. J JUST SAID they need to be able to do commercials to sell products.
Behind the scenes everyone says hi and gets to business. Prizes! Judges!
Up first: Monique and Hannah. First of all, Monique makes me uncomfortable. It's a cute idea but it just really makes me feel like I need a shower. Of course, Nigel loves it. What a big perv. It was OK but not enough.
Next: Jaclyn and Kasia. This one is much better and it's because Kasia hams it up. Jaclyn brings up her fake booty which gets laughs.
Now it;s time for Alex and Brittani. Yuck. Not a fan. And neither was Nigel. And neither was ALT. And neither was our hot little Italian, who busts her for being a dick head. She tries to skirt the blame by saying she was just trying to keep the chemistry going but he stops that shit and talks about her nonsense on set.
Next: Sarah and Mikaela. Ugh. No thanks. Do not want. Everyone blames Sarah for sucking.
Finally, Dalya and Molly, who is back in a weave. Bummer. Dude, Dalya's eyes are just so fucking dead. But all the guys can talk about is how her movements are no good. None of it was! Barf.
Double-barf: Tyra's baby voice.

The judges have deliberated and decided who goes home. Tyra hands out screen grabs.
Best commercial? Kasia! Then it's Hannah, Jaclyn and her fake booty, Dalya, Monique, Molly, Mikaela and Brittani.
Down to Sarah and Alex? Whatever, we know who's going to stay. Though I do love that Tyra warns Alex about being a dick head and that this will be the last time she warns her about this. Of course, no one is happy about this besides the producers. Anyway, bye Sarah, I've already forgotten you.

Next week: A Cover Girl commercial. Already? Aaaaand Alex is an asshole. Again.

Ghost Hunters - Season 7 Episode 704

"French Quarter Phantoms" - New Orleans, LA
Old US Mint

Sorry for the lateness. This week was crazy but in a good way. I finally got a job to pay the bills. And then spent a whole bunch of time Spring Cleaning. It's not over yet, but I'm feeling good about it all. Anyway!

Welcome! Let's get to it ...

At TAPS head quarters, Amy tells the guys that the Old US Mint in New Orleans has called them in. In 1862, a man was killed on the front yard and they believe that his ghost is still haunting the place. There's all the usual shenanigans of things moving on their own and some shadows.
By the way, Amy's hair color is technicolor right now and I am so jealous.
A seriously freaky looking dude named Sam gives them a tour of the place and all the hot spots.
In the main lobby, the receptionist has seen an apparition. Security guard Jimmy Jackson has seen tons of stuff. He doesn't claim to be an expert but he knows he's seen a male entity several times. The ghost has been in the jail cells (there are jail cells in treasury mints?).
Some cracker confederate was hung on the front lawn and he might be haunting the place. Along with is mother, weeping over her son's death. What a mamma's boy.
Someone was crushed in a money press, which is just the worst.

Grant is excited to get in and investigate, pointing out that the place is pretty much sound-proof and the floors won't be making any noise, so this is an ideal place to investigate.
A guy named K.J. McCormick shows up to help them investigate. He's a friend and not just some wacky dude that sneaks in.

First in are Steve and Dave - what a nice change of pace. Steve suggests that they check out a balcony where the confederate dude was hung from. Wait. What? I thought it was on the lawn? Whatever. The guys and, like, everyone watching the show are totally speechless when a door behind them opens, we hear some craaaazy sound and then the door slams shut. What. The. Fuck.
COMMERCIALS!
We get a little replay of the door. I love that the camera guys runs up to it. Then Steve looks at the door and, hilariously, says "Now, what do we do about that?" Dave kinda laughs and then they work on figuring out how that happened. Doesn't seem to have been the wind ... especially since it was latched. But Steve continues to work through some ideas.

Jason and Grant venture forth and right away get some foot steps. They check out the area. I don't hear anything but the guys seem to - something like a conversation. Even the camera guy is looking around. Jason asks if the confederate ghost is with them and Grant notes that there are some high EMFs. When he asks if the guy's mom wants to talk about her idiot son, both guys think they see a shadow move. They get some knocks and a few more shadows. Jason's not sure what the heck is going on.

On to Amy and this K.J. guy investigate the jails. He's got an awesome New Orleans accent. His shirt is terrible, though. Amy asks if the ghost's name is "Mumford." I love that band! Anyway. They hear some movement above them and check it out. Nothing seems to replicate the sound. Amy calls Mr. Mumford with a pissy tone and gets a noise. Then, even better, she thinks she just saw a full on person behind the camera guy. Fuuuuuuu...
COMMERCIAL!
We're back! And I think the camera guy is a little pissed about all this. I don't blame him. Amy can get a little annoying. She continues to yammer on about thinking there was someone behind the camera dude before K. J. suggests they just go check it out. Duh, there's no one there. It was a ghost you nerds.
K.J. gets a wicked high EMF reading and swears he heard someone fussing around with their bags.

Steve and Dave are back! Now they are looking for a woman, which, I'm assuming is the mom-lady. As Steve decides where they should check out and he hears some weird noises. Dave hears it too. They think it's from above them and figure it's in the vents - woopsie! There are no vents! Next they check the elevators. Which almost tries to bite Steve's arm off. What a dick! He still gets in and rides it a few times but, nada. He didn't even find the devil or M. Night's latest turd. Dave suggests they chalk it up to something mechanical. Oh, fine.

Jason and Grant are in the jails and start asking if someone is with them. Hilariously, Jason asks if they are there because of prohibition because "those laws don't exist any more." Damn straight they don't. Then more weird shit starts happening above them, just like with Amy and K.J. On the second floor of the jails, the guys hear some chatting that Jason is pretty sure is coming from in between them. Say, what?!
COMMERICAL!
Grant thinks it's from above him but Jason is pretty adamant. He doesn't push it and even check the floor above to verify Grant's claim. I finally hear the voices when the guys are back together on the second floor. It's muffled but it's there. Jason puts on his best sexy voice and says he has a feeling "you're here with me" to the ghost. The ghost makes some noise that Jason hears. Sounded like footsteps, I guess. He asks if it was Grant. "No, I'm standing still." I LOVE GRANT. LOLZ.

Hey! It's Adam! I was wondering where he went. They check out the reception area. On the thermal, Adam thinks he sees someone sitting in a chair but Amy confirms that it's just residual heat on the chair. Fine. Party pooper. Upstairs they hear something - "like chain metal?" Is that what Adam said? I hope so because it really doesn't make sense. They both hear a rustling sound. Adam busts a dick move and claims he has information about Mrs. Mumford's dumb ass kid that was hanged there. Amy, even more of a dick, says they want to re-try her son. You guys.

Back to Steve and Dave. This is a great episode because they keep going to these guys. They test out some gadget that measures vibrations, so if a ghost walks around, it will show on the thingy. They sit and call out to Mumford. Steve sees the thing that measures vibrations and then sees lights flashing above them. Steve calls out that they are coming up to them, slowly. I love Steve. And boy do they go slowly. Half way up Dave hears something and asks Steve if he heard it too. Yes, he did. Dave asks, "what did you hear?" And Steve says "to my left." Oh Steve. Is it coming right to them?!
COMMERCIALS!
They stand still and continue to listen but nothing happens. So they finally get to the third floor and discover that there are no windows and all the doors are shut. And if anyone was messing around up there, they would have heard their noise. They even try the light in the bathroom to see if that was the light they saw but it's too bright. This is bananas, yo!

Time to pack up and get to analyzing the evidence. K.J. had a great time and I had a great time listening to him. Everyone settles in to go through all the stuff. Steve starts off with Jason and Grant in the jail, on the first floor. You hear the knocking and shuffling pretty clearly. Next are some knocking sounds that Steve and Dave heard. And Amy and K.J., in the jail, get some weird little voice.
Back to the weird looking guy and evidence. Jason and Grant explain all their experiences in the jail and even show him the recordings. Jason brings up the ghost behind the camera guy, but it doesn't get much response from the weird looking guy. Then, the awesome footage of the door opening and shutting. The guy thinks it might have been the AC kicking on, which will sometimes make the doors open and close. Is that what happened? Who knows! There's a moan that Amy and K.J. get in response to a question and the weird little voice.

What's nice is that, even though they don't want to label the place haunted, a lot of the claims were verified by their findings. And that's always great because I feel bad when they interview people who are clearly distressed because they think they are nuts. A fun episode! Looking forward to next week's!

ANTMAKEOVERS!

This is the much anticipated Make Over Episode. And it is a disappointment. Sorry to say that upfront, but it's totally the truth. But there is much Assholery, so at least we've got that!

We are reminded that Alex has been established as the Asshole of the house. Ondrei leaves because she didn't realize having two recent deaths in the family was too much to handle before joining the show. Aaaand ... that's it (?). Jesus, this show is really grasping at straws.

When the girls get home from panel, everyone takes a look at Hannah's digital art. She's so excited she puts her hair in her mouth. But before she can really enjoy this pointless moment, everyone notices a large ... thing on the window. A rope hangs from it with a tag attached that instructs them to "Pull Me." They run forward and squeal but hesitate to pull. Someone (Monique, I think?) finally works up the courage. The rope falls and a large sheet unravels - on it are a bunch of descriptions of hair. It's their make overs! Everyone screams their approval.
Alex hollers "short Dutch Boy" a few times. That should be your new ring tone. Sarah, in a sad sack one-on-one, states that she's pretty sure she's getting the "manly short brown spikes." She understands that she looks androgynous but she'd really like the option of looking feminine - give her a weave, or some extensions! Bitch, you're the one that showed up with a butch cut and a Rat Tail.
Dom worries about her confidence and hopes that a new look will help bolster it. Monique doesn't want a hair cut - she likes her hair the way it is; btw, this idiot is in second place for House Asshole. Jaclyn is revolted by the idea of blond hair - and who can blame her, it would look terrible. Brittani really, really, really wants the red hair.
Dalya and Molly talk about being in the bottom three. Wasn't Molly the first one called the first week?! I refuse to check on that. But she's competitive, so she's gonna bring it! Dalya just kinda sits there - way to go.

The next day everyone goes to a salon and are greeted by the J's. As usual, the girls will be treated to their make overs by someone that is light years beyond this show and they should be so lucky. And afterwards will be a photo shoot - it's for the screen shot of everyone at the end of the episode, when the loser fades away. As great as all this is, the girls are visibly nervous.
Brittani gets the Dutch Boy hair cut, with black coloring. First of all: FIERCE. Second of all, she takes it in stride. The girl has long brown hair, so this is quite a change for her; but she points out that everyone here is a professional and does this for a living, so she's fine in their hands. GOOD GIRL.
Jaclyn hardly gets a make over: big, girly and curly. Lame. But then Miss J comes up and is like "you know, there's a razor waiting for you back there" (where ever back there is) and Jaclyn is freaked out. But she takes it in stride and is all "OK" but then Miss J yells "PSYCH" and all is well. Oh, you!
Monique get more hair (add a few gentle waves). Oof. This fucking girl. "Yeay, I get my way! I always get my way." Does your way ever include me smacking you in the god damned mouth? She's so gross - the more of her I see, the more she looks like Megan Fox to me. And she's kinda sounding like a stoned version of her too.
Sarah watches, dead eyed, as they snip off her Rat Tail. Thank you, Baby Jesus. She asks if "you want to lick it." If there was ever something I didn't want to lick, that would be it. Predictably, she's getting the manly short brown spikes. Though she was holding out hope for the weave. But she keeps a stiff upper lip and explains that she gets it and will work it.
Ah, Alexandria ... she gets her roots touched up, which is good. And some hair is added. Now, I agree with her when she points out that it's looking a little shitty. There are some flat pieces and there are some squished pieces. But the way she went about bringing this to the weavologists (is that a word?) attention was downright nasty. She had that "I just smelled dookie" look on her face the entire time she was explaining the problem. There wasn't much wrong with what she was saying - it was the way she said it. Huh, where have we heard that before? Anyway, it's great that she stood up and said something but it's sucky that she started crying. Because there's no crying in modeling, OK? Everyone rolls their eyes at her and does their best to ignore how bullshitty the whole thing is.
Dom is getting kinky red hair with matching eyebrows. To her credit, she's game when she sits down, even when she sees the nasty color and extensions sitting next to her. But once that color goes in, she loses it. Can't blame a girl. Mr. Jay chastises her for trying to control everything, which, really? Isn't that their go-to argument for everything? Either way, she deals with it.
Molly is getting a blond curly weave and within seconds we can tell something is really wrong. First off, Molly's hair is really fine and lays flat on her head, so it's harder to do this kind of thing with (great idea, Tyra!). Second of all, the stuff their sewing to her head looks like shit. Is that yarn? And third of all, they can't even get the net to hold on her head, so they create a basket weave on her head - which they sew the net to - which is what the actual weave is sewn to. (......) It just keeps getting worse and the owner of the salon comes over to look at. He is pretty pissed and notes that it's really shitty and he doesn't want his name on it.
Mikela gets another non-make over with long black extentions. They spend almost zero time on her, which doesn't bode well.
Kasia gets wild crazy crimped hair. She loves this since she's also wild and crazy! Is she also crimped? They spend a little more time on her, but that's probably because she's the fatty.
Dalya is also getting a weave, but this one actually looks good. "Long, black and straight" is her look. Basically, the Naomi. Another nano interview.
Hannah got some highlights and lightened eyebrows (officially "dirty blonde and big waves"), it looks good on her but it's hardly a change.
Back to Molly! The owner really gives it a try and makes the best of it. Mr. J tries to sell her on what has clearly been a disaster, reminding her that Tyra wanted her to have this look. Well, Tyra is the King of the Assholes, so big whoop.

On the way home Molly is simmering. She is really pissed off. To her credit, she doesn't really take it out on anyone but just bitches about it. Alex, belatedly, tells her that she should have followed suit and stood up when she realized something was wrong. Thanks for the advice! Eventually everyone, even Molly, kinda laughs about it. As long as she sticks around, it'll get fixed, which is why no one really seems to care.
TYRA MAIL! "Tomorrow, you will learn all about photosynthesis."
Yes, these bitches could stand to go back to the 5th grade. Sarah thinks they will be dressed as flowers, which is cute. But then she mopes about the hair cut. Her reasoning is fairly sound: she's surrounded by beautiful femmy-looking gals. It's intimidating. Deal with it.

The girls arrive at some ranch and are surrounded by beautiful flowers and plants .... so, photosynthesis? Some famous fashion photographer and stylist are there and the girls kinda stand around not knowing who they are, though Monique claims to be excited in a one-on-one. Anyway, turns out everyone will be in coture but they will also be paired up for the shoot. (Sad Trombone)
First up is Molly and Kashia. I like Molly's outfit, though Kasia's is kinda too fluffy for me. It starts out a little weird but they warm up.
Back in hair and make up, Alex is being tended to. The hair dude is trying to be gentle with her because she claims her hair/scalp is sensitive. So sensitive she does the limp noodle when he tries to brush out her hair. I'm getting Melrose flashbacks. Anyone else getting Melrose flashbacks? Bitch was a DIVA right off the bat and-oh shit. Ohshitohshitohshit. Is Alex just another Melrose?! Come on ANTM!
Anyway. She gets soooo "stressed out" that a pimple pops up on her lip. Outside, Alex and Monique sit awkwardly, waiting for the photographer. I love that they stick these two dipsits together. And, I must wonder: what's it like to go through life being such an asshole? The photographer notices this and takes note. Poor Monique has no way to handle this and it ends up effecting her performance - Alex is just fine, of course. Mr. J notes that when Monique doesn't get her way she pouts "pooh-pooh!", which is true; normally I'd try to stick up for her and remind that it's kind of Alex's fault but, whatever, Monique sucks.
Next up is Sarah and Mikaela and they are in some uuuugly looking clothes. The girls are best buds for life, which should make this easier. Except both are morons and Mikaela can't keep her eyes open.
Brittani and Hannah are having trouble making it believable, which frustrates Brittani.
The last group is Jaclyn, Dalya and Dom. And I agree that Dom is not in it to win it. When Mr. J asks what she's thinking, she says that she has no thoughts. Oh, come on. Have you ever watched this show before?! Never say that. She needs inspiration! Dom interviews (in a ridiculous outfit) that she's inspired by a lot of stuff! Like ... (shrug). Methinks we have another Anne on our hands. Fuuuuuu ...

Tyra Mail of Death reminds the girls that tomorrow is panel. Sarah is nervous. Monique is frustrated that they didn't get any positive feedback - you are? Alex doesn't care either way because she knows she did a great job and was the one psyching out Monique, not the other way around. Molly, comically, bitches some more about her hair, which sends Alex into fits of laughter. Which scares the other girls. You can't blame them because bitch is scarrrrrrry.
(Amazing moment in life: Alex reads a book called "God Calling" with the most "the fuck is this shit?" look on her face)

Pre-panel footage is boring. There are judges and prizes.
Let's start with Monique and Alex. Tyra asks how it went and they awkwardly say it went well. The photo is pretty good. Monique is odd but good looking. Alex looks better though but the photographer calls her out for being a shit head.
Next is Brittani and Hannah. Tyra love Brittani's make over. The photo is awesome. And Tyra likes that they were working together; though that's not really the challenge, right? One girl was supposed to stand out, yeah?
Then it's the threesome of Dalya, Jaclyn and Dom. They all like Dalya and Jaclyn but everyone thinks that Dom is kind of a sore thumb. The panel tries to pump her up, which is nice.
Mikaela and Sarah are next and it's shitty. Mikaela's eyes are closed and Sarah looks blank. Barf.
Finally we have Kasia and Molly. She shows off her horrible weave and Tyra agrees that it needs tending. Luckily, she looks great in the photo, so she will be getting the work. Kasia looks good, though Nigel thinks her mouth is too dark inside (?).

Best photo goes to ... Alexandria! Alright! Way to reward the Assholes!
Then we have Molly, Brittani, Kasia, Jaclyn, Hannah, Monique, Dalya, Mikaela.
It's Sarah vs. Dom!
So ... both are beautiful girls. But they are also both "quirky." Sarah has potential but lacks confidence. Dom is interesting but can't seem to make it.
Sarah stays.
Bye, Dom. I really liked you! She promises that she's going to hit up every modeling agency but Tyra warns that she needs to practice a little more first.

Next Week: FIRE. And a coffee commercial.

Ghost Hunter - Season 7, Episode 703

"Century of Hauntings" - Oxford, MA and Philadelphia, PA
Voas House and USS Olympia

Finally! A return to their roots of investigating residential homes. It's short-lived, though, as the team's second investigation is aboard a Navy vessel. Those are always good for a few hauntings, so this should be good!

Voas House
Getting straight to the point, the boys drive into Oxford, MA. Jason explains that investigating homes is his favorite because they get to help people. Grant nods in agreement, adding that it's what they have been doing for years ... not that much, lately though. Personally, I love the cases that take place in homes - it is more personal and it's really interesting to see the team in smaller quarters. Anyway, Amy fills everyone in. The house was built in the 18th century and the current family, the Voas family, is actually just one portion of three generations that have resided there.
Everyone living there has experienced paranormal stuff, as far back as they can remember. There are some apparitions (one described as a woman with long, flowing hair and another as a little boy), dragging sounds, voices in the middle of the night - even though they check and no one is there.
Jenn Hubble meets the guys inside the house - she's the daughter of the homeowner. She didn't want her parents to buy the house because it creeped the shit out of her as a kid. They bought it anyway - cue Sad Trombone. DeAnne (aka Mom) interviews that she was in the living room at one point and could see into the kitchen; there was a woman with long hair standing in there, but she had no color to her, just white and grays. She walked across the porch and DeAnne followed her - but there was no one there!!
The first floor bedroom, a spare, has had a little shadow boy walking through it. Younger sisters were disturbed by the sound of dancing on the floor above them; and Dad was grabbed by the foot in his sleep.
In the basement we discover that the family has been doing renovating. They have heard voices, calling out for a little boy named Robbie. The ghost lady in the dining room has been spotted down there, as well. While renovating the fireplace, down there, Dad found some really old shoes and, in another location, found some really old hair. He also saw a door handle move when he was working on the room.
Upstairs, in a younger daughter's room, there's the sound of women crying. Inside one of the closets there's more voices, this time in a full out conversation.
There's a lot going on and Jenn seems a little anxious to see what they find.

Time to investigate!
Jason and Grant head in first and check out the first floor spare bedroom. Grant asks for the ghosts to dance for them but all they get are some lame voices. Then he asks that they stomp - and they get some stomps.
COMMERCIALS!
After the stomps (which sound like a kid stomping away when you punish them), there's more activity in the kitchen/living room area. There's more walking sounds. It's kind of discombobulating - no wonder everyone there is freaked out.

Amy and Adam check out the basement and the fireplace. Amy thinks that "Robbie" might be the little shadow boy that's been seen. They start calling out to him and hear some movement off to the side. The camera doesn't see anything, and neither do the kids. But they keep chatting up the ghosts. Amy switches gears and tries to make contact with the female. She notes that it sounds like someone is pacing. Adam points out that every time they say something the ghost likes, they get some noises. But that's about it, so they decide to pack it up and send in the next group. Amy thanks them for being so responsive.

Steve and Dave hit the basement and try to figure out what could have caused the apparition of the woman. They notice that there's a glass door in the room that could cause a reflection or cast a shadow from light outside. Dave dicks around upstairs trying to cause the reflection/shadow but to no avail. Steve switches tactics and checks EMFs. As he's sweeping, Dave asks if Steve just said something. Luckily, he catches it on the recorder!
COMMERCIALS!
Steve gives a listen and hears it, too. Dave explains that he didn't actually hear a whisper, instead, it sounded like a voice in the distance.

Back to Jason and Grant, in the second floor bedroom. Grant observes that if he were a little kid, he'd be pretty creeped out too. And, yeah, the room is just not awesome - there's a weirdly shaped door, some dolls, an old painting of a girl. No thanks. Grant points out that the room needs to be insulated and you can hear people outside. Grant heads outside to talk and see if Jason can hear him. Grant hollers "I'm a scary ghost! Can you hear me?" and Jason can totally hear him. Problem solved.

Amy and Adam hit the first floor bedroom. This is the room where Dad was grabbed in his sleep. Amy assures that any ghosts which grab them won't get in trouble. Instead, they get a really weird noise. Like a "breathy sigh."

It's time to wrap things up! Amy explains that everyone is really excited to get back and look at the evidence. She's anxious to do research. Turns out the shoe Dad found was from the 18th century (!) and the hair turns out to be rope - more Sad Trombone. The name Robbie doesn't come up anywhere, but she reminds us that back in the day children weren't really accounted for.
Amy shows off the footsteps she and Adam found in the basement. Dave shows off some wireless recording of a whisper. It's pretty creepy.
The guys sit down in Jenn's living room to show her the evidence. They play all the stomping video/recordings and Jenn confirms that those are familiar noises. Grant moves onto the second floor bedroom, which is the little girl's room. He points out that the painting and the dolls are kinda creepy and Jenn gets this look on her face and says "My mom's antiquing habit." I don't think she likes that stuff either. Grant laughs it off and says "Well, that's fine!" but should have followed it up with "maybe you could move that stuff out of there." Anyway, he plays the voice that Dave found and she physically reacts to it! Poor thing! It sounds like the voice is saying "yeah", in response to Jason and Grant calling the dolls creepy. Grant jokes that even the ghosts think they suck. Jenn gets animated, claiming that she hates the dolls! I think this is great evidence to take to Mom so she can ask her to get those things out of her house.
Jason explains that the hair is actually rope, so she shouldn't worry about that. Grant talks about the shoe and tells her that a local museum wants to talk to her about it - which Jenn is really delighted with. Jason agrees that there's a lot of weird stuff in the house and quite a few neat things happened. It's an old house and has a lot of history! The fact that the team had the same experiences helps prove she (and her family) are not nuts; they don't really say the house is haunted but Grant reminds her that they are just down the road and to call if she ever needs them again.
Jenn is totally happy with everything. I just hope she takes some of their stuff to heart. Since the shoe will be leaving the house and the hair wasn't hair, maybe they won't feel the attachments anymore. And since they were able to clear up some stuff, the family might be a little more at ease in the home. Nothing seems malevolent, it's just part of the house now. But please get those fucking dolls outta there!

USS Olympia
On their way to the ship, Amy fills everyone in. This is the oldest (something intelligible) ship in the world. Seriously guys, I rewound like 6 times and I couldn't understand her. According to Wikipedia, it's a "protected cruiser." There are at least 19 documented deaths on board - but most of them were not during war time. Instead, they were accidents. The paranormal activity reported includes shadows and apparitions. And the claims come from staff and visitors, alike.
John Gazzola, the president of the Independent Seaport Museum, introduces John Laurino who is the ship's assistant manager. What kind of Victorian nonsense was that? Did John #1 really need to introduce  John #2? He literally just introduced the guy and left. Barf. Anyway, John #2 seems like a nice enough guy and he shows them around.
Below decks, by the Portside  #2 Gun, we are told that John Johnson (shut the fuck up) was killed here. The first time the discharged the gun, it jumped off it's mount and crushed him. No thanks. Grant says "Ugh! Horrible." Jason and Steve remain stoic. John #2 explains that from then on, everyone believed that the ship had a dark cloud over it. Silly! That's just rain!
There's more activity in the area, including knocking.
In the Starboard Engine Room there are shadows and an apparition that moves from one end to the other. There are voices, too. John #2 claims to have heard the voices himself, which caused him to "jump a foot in the air." Grant responds, in deadpan, "Not much room to do that in here." HE'S ON FIRE TONIGHT!
Now in the Boiler Room #5, we are told there are footsteps. But they come from above. However, above them is also a 2" thick steel deck. Whoopsie! Grant asks if the footsteps are from "way up there" (meaning, through all the steel) or right here on the landing. It's way up there. Of course. There's more shadow figures in there.
And that's it. The place is tight and will be difficult to navigate. Grant explains that they have a new technique they want to try out - hey, keep the bedroom talk to yourselves. Jason shows off cameras that they will wear, so the production crew doesn't have to try to follow them throughout the ship. I'm interested, just for the novelty factor. For the most part, I prefer when they camera guys are with them; every now and then they become part of the show and, at the very least, pick up on shit the team didn't notice.

Jason and Grant start the investigation. There are some glass surfaces that cause reflections, so there's that. Ugh, guys, the body-mounted cameras are just too much. It's all shaky and the cameras are too close to one-another. Jason looks over at Grant when they hear something (pretty audible footsteps) and there is just too much Grant in the shot. I feel like I'm watching a really awkward porn.
COMMERCIALS!
The banging/footsteps continue. They guys give chase and discover that the noises are coming from the same area as the gun that killed the dude. Grant checks for EMFs since it feels wicked creepy up there but the meter reads nothing. He asks if John Johnson is there with them but they get no response.

Dave and Steve, also camera mounted, head to the passage in the boiler room. It's really fucking tight in there. Plus, it's pitch black, which makes for good TV. Steve calls out "Hello! We're here in the boiler room! We're here to help put some coal in the furnace! We gotta shovel that coal in there!" LOLZ. He manages to take a seat and they hear something behind Dave. He thinks it sounded like something dropping - like rocks or coal (!). Gave him the chills - no duh. They get out of the terrible passage and check out the rest of the room and don't find anything.

Adam and Amy are next. Adam says "Hold onto something, please. One hand for the ship and one hand for you." How. Fucking. Adorable. They go to the second gun and Amy notes that it's wicked creepy in there. Adam checks for EMFs and, like Grant, finds nothing. Both of them feel like something/someone is watching them. Adam decides to ask if John is with them - when Amy asks for a signal, they hear a bang. He checks a particular closet where knocks and bangs have come from. The pad lock keeping it closed was undone (but he didn't seem to mind that) but it was swinging. Creepy!
They keep up with John, hoping to get some reaction. Nothing.

Jason and Grant hit the engine room and immediately hear a male voice. It might have said "Pete." More noises, this time knocking. It's off in the distance but you can hear it. Jason asks if the ghost would knock three times in a row for them. They only get one but as they notice, it's consistent. Turns out, they are hearing the flag on the upper decks knocking against the pole. Solved that!

Time to wrap it up. Grant was pretty excited about their time there.
Time to check the evidence. Amy finds a wicked scary gasping sound on a recording. Turns out to be Adam - he was reacting to her story about John Johnson dying slowly and painfully after being crushed by the gun. Everyone laughs and ribs Adam for it. Dave has some real evidence: footsteps and a door slamming.
The guys sit down with John #2 to show him the evidence. They bring up the flag noise first and he nods. Next is the knock and the swinging lock; John just takes it in. Then they show the footage of Grant and Jason and the real footsteps. John actually seems kind of stoked to hear all this stuff. Grant explains that even though they are all pretty knowledgeable about the history of the ship, they sent Amy out to do some research. And interesting fact popped up though: almost immediately after John Johnson died, paranormal activity started happening on the ship. That's 124 years worth of the same stuff. There's a lot of neat stuff, though they can't state the place is actually haunted. John #2 was happy with the findings, even though he remains skeptical. I wonder whatever happened to John #1?

ANTM - Episode BEES!

I had to tear myself away from watching the news footage of Japan right now. Those guys got ROCKED by an 8.8 level earthquake and even though there's shit on fire and shit under water, those cats are just doing their thing. Not only are people just going about their day, they are doing it during after shocks and all the other shenanigans that are going on. And you have to remember that these folks are in a "ring of fire" of earthquakes, so they know what's up; a lot of the buildings are reinforced and they all have wicked emergency plans in case of terrible everything. So, yeah, go ahead with your tentacle rape and used panty vending machines - you people earned 'em. LIKE A BOSS.

Last week we were introduced to all the girls. There wasn't much of a photo shoot but there was a wicked awesome walking challenge! Angelia was sent home because Tyra just knew that girl bothered me. Later! Now, let's see what's in store for us this week ...

The girls come home to Molly's digital art. She's the adopted one. Wait, there was an adopted one? Alexandria tries to give Nicole a pep talk about not looking like a Debbie Downer during panel. Well, you can't blame the girl: this is the same bitch that Tyra said looked like an old hag in her photos. Who wants to hear that? And in typical Alexandria fashion, she's an asshole about it. Anyway, Nicole is a perfectionist so she's going to work on looking more youthful this week. OK, whatever.
Dominique and Ondrei chillax on the couch with some pizza and beverages. It's what Dom has been waiting for all day. She strikes up a conversation with Ondrei asking if she has any brothers and sisters. Why, yes! She does-ish! Two brothers! And they're dead! The look on Dom's face says it all ("the fuck you taking about?"). One was in a car accident and the other was murdered. That's ... terrible. And both died just before her prom. Which was only a few months ago. WHAT.
Everyone listening is kinda surprised that she's even in the competition. Bitches are just jealous! Ondrei is fierce looking and they know it. That's terrible. I'll shut up now. Dayla wonders what dealing with that would even be like; she's really close with her family and she still lives at home with them. Being away from them is hard but has made her a more independent person. No, duh. That's kind of what happens when you move away from your folks and do shit by yourself.

The next day everyone is lounging around the house as Dom shows them her "model diet": Cup o' Noodles, chips, other garbage that I can't believe she eats and is that skinny anyway. What a perfect opportunity for Tyra and some tiny white lady to show up dressed like assholes, in chef's hats. Tyra is the Swedish Chef.

Except, this time, she's using a terrible French accent. She stumble through her super easy teach about how she's brought a nutritionist with her to show the girls how to eat healthy. There's a less than enthused "oh!" from the group. So, there's all sorts of foods that everyone just totally knows are bad for you (everything that tastes awesome) but there are some things that may seem bad but, in moderation, can be a great meal for you. Ugh. OK. It's common sense. Just don't eat a lot of garbage. The nutritionist calls these things "cheaties." I call them "dumb."
Let's see how obvious this is going to be, shall we? What's better: spaghetti and meatballs or Eggplant Parmesan? It's the spaghetti. You know why? BECAUSE EGGPLANT PARMESAN IS FRIED. Also, eggplant is kinda porous, so it will soak up the oil AND, OH, YEAH - IT'S FRIED. With spaghetti and meatballs, you get some red sauce and a little protein - which gives you a shiny coat!
How about: wheat bagel with cream cheese or wheat waffle with peanut butter? I guess it's kind of a tough one except that we know bagels are never a good choice. Dude, it's NEVER bagels. Besides, the waffle is wheat and peanut butter also has protein and it's got the good fat. Plus, it's a lot more filling, so you won't be scrounging for something in an hour or so.
Apparently there were a million other dishes the tiny white lady showed the girls but we were not privileged to. Whatever. Like I wanted to actually learn something about healthy and delicious eating.
In the kitchen, later that day, Monique and Jaclyn decide to make a "celebration feast." But the fiesta is cut short when they stumble upon some raw chicken marinating in BBQ sauce. Oh, yeah, it's in a plastic bowl with foil loosely covering it. NASTY. Seriously, how stupid are you that you do that? Alexandria wanders in and eyeballs the chicken. It's hers. She doesn't say it, but it's hers. Come on! She eyeballs it and says "this was supposed to be in the fridge" but it's kind of hard to hear a question mark at the end of that statement. I think she meant to put one there but, clearly, is too dumb to remember to do that. Either way: he who smelt it, dealt it. And she looks like a nasty bitch, so you know she wouldn't have considered the health problems associated with raw chicken just chilling out in the open.
Dalya, who is, like, 25 (or whatever) and thinks she needs to be the mom here, says to everyone in general that "if you're not going to eat it, right away, it needs to be put in a freezer bag and p-" then she gets cut off by Alexandria who has a problem with other people talking, in general. "Um, please don't talk to me like that. I don't need a lesson about chicken! I know about chicken!" Then do it right, you dumb bitch. You know, my ex did that: start a pissy little sentence with "um" whenever he wanted to throw a tantrum. And really, Dalya was talking to everyone - not just Alexandria. Which is another reason why I think (know) it was her chicken. They keep bickering with each other while all the other girls just stand around, looking wicked uncomfortable. I think Alexandria thought some of the girls were going to join in and start screaming with her (obviously she's watched the show), so it just kind of fizzles out when they don't.
In a one-on-one, Dalya explains that she doesn't like confrontations. She says this in a shaky voice. I'm sorry Dalya, but you are not going to last on this show for very long. Anyway, Alexandria keeps harping on the subject and Monique points out that all Dalya did was just show her the chicken. According to Alexandria, it's the way she did it that annoyed her. Alexandria? It's the way you do everything that annoys me. Whatever, I'm over it now. NEXT!
Also, this is Alexandria:

(hey, at least she gets to be the Charlize Theron version!)

TYRA MAIL!!!
"Tomorrow you will face your worst critic" Love, Tyra.
The girls are greeted by Nigel at some theater - there are theaters in LA? Acting is really super important in modeling because you have to act to sell a product to the consumer. OK ... A creepy looking acting coach appears and tells them they will be facing their Inner Critic today. In an acting challenge? The girls get to draw their inner critic so they can cry and yell at it. WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING. Other than getting me to laugh at these girls. Nigel thinks that by making the girls cry and talk about some really uncomfortable things, they will let down their walls and expose themselves so they will have more intimate photo shoots. Nigel is a fucking perv.
First up is Molly. Her Inner Critic gets her crying right away. The Inner Critic tells her that her mother gave her away (adopted, remember? Me neither ...) because she wanted to (well, duh). And that's it. Then there's Nicole, who's Inner Critic tells her she's not good enough for anything but Nicole thinks she is! You go girl! Oh, christ. It's Jaclyn. I'm sorry. I can't take her seriously. Moving on. Then it's Ondrei's turn and she just looses it. I think she's starting to realize that having both brothers killed so recently is pretty freaking heavy and she might need to take a little more time to process it.
For crying and telling secrets, the girls get JEWELRY! It makes everything better.
Back at the house, Ondrei gets serious and starts to think about whether or not if she should be there. She calls her boyfriend and he tells her that, no matter what, her family is 100% behind her. Sounds like a good guy, Ondrei!

The next day the girls get ready for their photo shoot. Alex (I don't like her enough to give her a nickname but I am so done with typing out Alexandria) manages to stab herself in the eye while putting on make up. I wonder what it's like to go through life with Karma spitting in your face every single moment of the day? They get bussed to Smashbox where Mr. Jay waits for them.
The photo shoot is ... dumb. WHAT. IS. THIS. The girls will wear jewelry that has pheromones to attract the bees. None of this makes sense. The make up is weird, too. Jaclyn is allergic to bees - awesome! Did she tell someone? I hope not. So, everyone gets cotton stuffed into their ears and nose so none of the bugs crawl in there. The mouth? You're on your own sisters!
For the most part, it's kind of a 50/50 situation. Most of the girls seemed to realize they had to suck it up because the bees weren't going anywhere. In an annoying bid for airtime, Monique bitches about Hanna crying. Honey, she's crying because Jay asked her to talk about all the shit she cried about yesterday - so, no duh. And it didn't effect her performance because she still modeled and busted it out. So, no, she's not "pathetic." You are. NEXT.
Back at home, Ondrei decides that she does, in fact, want to go home. Monique gets one my nerves, further: in a one-on-one, she claims that Ondrei should have known better than to join the show. Bitch. Shut. Up. Let's run over of your brothers over with a car crash and murder the other one. How logical and straight thinking do you think you'll be? You are the worst.

Back Stage Tyra flits around getting ready for panel. Something about getting dressed because she's been on a plane or will be on a plane. I'm done. Stick a fork in her. Prizes, judges, Alek Wek is the guest judge today. She's looooovely!
And now it's time for my heart to break. Ondrei, looking like a million bucks, tells the judges that she can't be here right now. I don't think Tyra is happy with it but she seems to know that you can't scream at a girl who just had two siblings killed. Ondrei leaves but her picture stays in the competition; her photo will be judged and if it's the worst, then no one will go home. But that's not going to happen because that never happens. God damnit.
Kasia has a lovely photo. Mikaela looks good in person and has a solid photo - her eyes are a little dead. Dom has a lovely photo but it's only one of the few good ones. Brittni has an odd looking but awesome photo. Jaclyn has an awesome profile but her hands looks fucking weird. Dalya's photo is interesting but only because her eyes are closed; turns out she's got crazy eyes. Alex cribs a Jim Morrison arms out pose and it's pretty good. Sarah is bland in her photo but cute in person. Molly's photo is great though Nigel thinks it's bland. Nicole's turn! Buhhhh ... she looks old. You know, she's not that great and she looks old in person. NEXT. Hannah's got the best photo and I love it and I want to marry it. Finally, Monique: it's a great photo and it gives ATL a stroke. He jabbers on about Shanghi and being in Shanghi and ohmygodjuststop. Even Tyra was looking at him like "Whuuuuut?" Apparently Monique looks like Shalome Harlow? All I see is a fat Megan Fox.

Trya's teasing us! How many photos does she have! We shall find out ... but first, the photos.
Hannah is called first. So stuff it, Monique.
It's down to Nicole and Dalya. They are both beautiful but Nicole photographs old. Dalya is inconsistent. What about Ondrei's photo? It's not the worst. Oof. So, Nicole goes home. Bye bye, grandma!

Next Week: MAKEOVERS

Ghost Hunters - Season 7, Episode 702

"Pennsylvania Asylum" - Chester County, Pa.
Pennhurst Asylum

As fans of the show know, we always have luck with asylums! Let's hope this show/asylum delivers ...

Starting off in the boys' home town of Warwick, Rhode Island, we see the guys hard at work. Good to know that Roto-Rooter is still employing them! But I have to question if they even still need to work there. When the show began, it was kind of a fun novelty: regular, working class "Joe's" that (as a hobby) sought out the paranormal. But the show has grown since then and Grant and Jason are small time celebrities now. I'm left feeling as though someone is trying to sell me an image that doesn't look quite right.
Anyway, Amy calls the guys while they are at work and tells them she's got the Pennhurst Asylum set up for the team. Grant seems mildly enthused and reports the info to Jason - also mildly enthused. That's about as much as you're ever going to get out of these guys; in fact, it takes a full on apparition staring them in the face to get their engine's started. Back at home base, Amy fills them in.
The asylum is huge and was in business until the late 80's. It was closed due to reports of abused patients and all sorts of other nasty goings-on. Since then, other investigators claim to hear a woman screaming and crying for help - along with all sorts of other scary shit. Sounds great!

Steve gives us a tour of the group's newest toy: a big ass van. It's pretty huge, guys - I mean, you can stand up in the friggin' thing! It will act as home base during investigations; you can plug all the equipment into it instead of relying on generators or the power supply from whatever establishment you're investigating. Dave thinks it's pretty sweet.
On the road! Amy reports more of the claims, which include: a glowing apparition of a young girl, people being pushed, doors opening and closing on their own, violent banging and heavy footsteps. Throughout the entire complex, people report apparitions that peek around doorways or out of windows and loud dragging-type sounds. Guys, this place is bananas.

At the asylum we get a few quick shots of the grounds. It's SPOOKY. There's even an old, jacked looking play ground. NO THANKS. Richard Chakejian, the owner (why would you own this place?!), gives them a tour. The place was only supposed to house 600-700 "feeble-minded" patients but by the time it was closed, the number had risen to about 3,000! No bueno! There are tons of stories of abuse, you can imagine.
The first building they check out is the Mayflower Building. A security guard talks about hearing a solid "Get out!" and, then, a pressure on his back guiding him out of the building. Another guard, with him at the time, also witnessed the phenomenon. Screaming, doors banging, piano playing have all been reported in the area. On the third floor (where the dorms were) there is a woman in a white dress, loud noises, doors slamming and (worst of all) dragging noises.
In the Tunnels (which run beneath almost all the buildings and are super creepy) we get more reports of the "gal in the white dress" (thanks, Richard), a younger girl with blond hair, half torsos of men (gross) and the usual doors banging/voices tomfoolery. Lots of visuals!!
Quaker Hall was also a residence hall and looks pretty damned run down. This is where the violent patients were housed. No kidding; reports include people being pushed and a crowbar being thrown. This is also where people see apparitions in the windows.
Over at Devon Hall we find out that this is where the children were housed. There's mostly the usual doors banging and voices here but one story sticks out: a guard heard someone say "There's no teeth" while on duty. According to Richard, there were a lot of gruesome dental experiments here. Ugh.
By the way, during the entire tour, Steve was taking tons of notes. Have I mentioned just how much I adore Steve? Because I do.
That's it! Time to set up.

Jason and Grant head into the Tunnels and immediately hear a bang. The EMF meter is blowing up and the guys are hearing noises right away. I hear them too! WHAT IS THAT?! Seriously sounds like people are chatting with each other. Grant interviews that the acoustics are really wacky down there, so they were careful to speak deliberately so they would know when it was them or the ghost. As Grant tries to chat up the ghosts, Jason notes that it sounds as if whatever is out there is getting closer.
COMMERCIALS!
Back in the Tunnels Grant wants the ghosts to speak a little louder. Jason asks where everyone will go if the asylum gets knocked down and they both hear "Spring City." SPOOKY!  They decide to let things settle for a little bit and move onto another spot.

In the Quaker Hall basement, Steve and Dave do some investigating. They discuss that the entity hanging out there has thrown a crowbar, which, they decide, is "not nice." True dat. Dave suggests they just settle and absorb the atmosphere, try to get something to happen and make contact. Steve is totally down with that. Once Steve suggests they they become friends, we hear some footsteps. Like, full-on footsteps. Steve invites it to come closer. It disappeared after that though.

Onto the second floor of Mayflower Building, Amy and Adam begin their investigation. Adam, also, suggests they chill and just listen. They start asking questions and Amy claims she hears dragging noises, so she radios Steve and Dave. But they are over at the Quaker Building. Right as he says that, I swear I hear something being dragged across the floor. Amy reacts to it and they give chase. However, they think it was a door closing - whatever, man, just find it! Adam's flashlight starts going bonkers. Upstairs they don't see anything but hear tons of shit.
COMMERCIALS!
Now on the third floor, shit gets real. They hear footsteps and noises. Adam notes that "this is craaaazy!", which is very true. His flashlight keeps going on and off. The Amy loses her shit in one of those freaked out giggle seizures. Something ran across the floor and she's sure it wasn't an animal. In another room, a bug totally attacks Adam. But Amy is sure that something else is in the room with them, in one of the closets. When they check it out, there's nothing there. That was craaaazy, yo!

Jason and Grant hit the Devon Building. The place is already awesome. There are all sorts of noises: voices, banging, footsteps - just like Richard said. Jason claims to have seen someone from around the corner. Everyone (including the camera guy) hears something behind them. Dude, it's so freaking quite in there! Jason hears a knock and they look for the source. Everywhere they go, they see things out of the corner of their eyes - things moving around corners. Grant finally sees it too and gives chase.
COMMERCIALS!
Jason interviews about the dark shadow they both saw and how there was nothing there when they chased after it. He's pretty animated about it. They way the building is situated, if there was another person in there with them, they would have had to pass the guys to escape being noticed. Obviously, that didn't happen. Grant thought there was "a punk in here." Since it was probably paranormal, Grant thanks it for showing itself and suggests that it doesn't run away next time.

Amy and Adam are in the Tunnels and she mentions that she hates having "earth above" her. Adam is disinterested in this. They set up the laser, Matrix-looking thing and sit. Adam suggests that the ghosts can probably hear him even if he uses his inside voice. Amy backs that up by hollering "HELLO?!" Thanks. Amy hears voices but Adam sees something blurring out some of the lasers. I don't see it but I have no idea what to look for, so what do I know. Amy finally catches on and they give chase. Around the bend, there's a door. Damnit! They are worried that someone might have been in there with them - not a ghost. They stand next to the door (which looks bolted shut, but, who knows) and ask if there's anybody with them. Then you hear what sounds like SOMEONE BREATHING INTO THE CAMERA. Amy hears it too, and her head snaps around so fucking fast I get whip-lash looking at it. Adam is curious. They replay the recorder and they hear it.

Over at the Quaker Building, Steve and Dave check things out. Steve is stoked by how jacked the place looks. Dave notes that "everything has to be messed up" and points out that even a ladder, leaning against the wall, is crooked. Steve checks the EMF base reading. With that done, they wander the building trying to make contact. Steve goes flashlight off and focuses his eyes on a hallway. Then they hear something metallic coming from the first floor. They follow the noise and look around. AND THEN A DOOR SLAMS.
COMMERCIALS!
Steve gets really serious when the door slams. Dave asks if whoever is with them could make the same noise again. Steve replays the noise and gets stoked by it. They look around for what made the noise and discover that it was one of the windows. Both guys are pissed that there wasn't a camera in the room and Dave decides to leave one, just in case. He also observes that the entity could be intelligent, since it waited till they were gone to make the noise. Steve seems to agree and suggests they make the same noise and compare it to the recorded noise. It's spot on, guys. Dave interviews that the window is very heavy and would need a lot of force to be shut.

Jason and Grant head over to the creepy Quaker basement. One of them taunts, asking if someone has something they want to throw at them. Grant busts out the K2 Meter and notes that it goes off the hook from time to time, as if they catch something and then it moves away. The discover it by a mattress and ask that it light up the K2. They do get some sporadic pulses but then they become fairly regular, so Jason brushes it off as not paranormal.

Amy and Adam head back into the Tunnels. They bang on a door, crying out for help. Then they hear a cow. Not even joking - it's a cow! Above ground, there are cows at a neighboring dairy farm and you can hear them mooing. Hilarious! Everyone wraps it up and Jason states that it's been a great investigation.

The grunts sift through the evidence. Dave has something to show: a recording of footsteps in the Quaker basement and the breath into the camera. Amy has a giggle recorded and it is wicked creepy.
COMMERCIALS!
Back at Pennhurst, Jason and Grant sit with Richard to show him the evidence. They talk about the black mass they saw dicking around with them. Richard thinks that's freaking stuff. Well, hold on buddy. When Grant talks about the "Spring City" voice, Richard informs them that when the asylum shut down and patients were let go, a lot of people moved to the neighboring community of ... yup, Spring City. Then there's Amy and Adam's bonkers encounter, as well as the super fucked up breath. Richard thinks it said something like "Go home" but I just hear breathing. Steve and Dave's phantom footsteps are next and it's even louder on the recording. And finally, the bang! Richard notes that the windows open from the INSIDE. Spooky!
Oh, there's one more. It's the giggle. There's even kind of an echo on it. SPOOOOKY!!
They guys are confidant that the place is pretty haunted. But it's a small comfort - I mean, Richard (and by extension, the staff) now know that they are not crazy, but, is it really that much better? The place is jacked up and they have to go in there. For the most part, the activity was harmless but there was some weird shit in there. The window slamming was a little much for me. Hopefully they go back!

ANTM - It begins!

Just in case you thought Tyra didn't have any new tricks up her sleeves, she's here to prove you wrong! Well, it's the same tired shit, just in a different way. And would we have it any other way? I don't know. As I mentioned before, there may come a time when I grow weary of ANTM and Tyra and covering the show. You've seen me lose interest and quit mid-season before; so, who's to say I won't just stop all together? The problem with reality shows is that they have become our new form of entertainment. It's gone so far now, that some of these shows are even becoming scripted.
In my opinion, ANTM peaked with Cycle 6. Where do you go once you've introduced Jade to the world? Down. That's where you go. And, as nature insists, you should be able to work your way back up once you've hit rock bottom. But I don't think ANTM has made it that far - yet. It's going to happen but I just have no idea when. The small changes Tyra and her team of minions have made to the shows format indicate they know the show is getting stale - especially when they refuse to be in on the joke (none of these poor girls ever make it and to insist that you finally have "high fashion" cred now is a little embarrassing).
Whatever the future holds for ANTM (and by extension: fame-hungry, skinny, unwed mothers) has yet to be seen, so in the meantime let's try to make the best of a shaky situation and laugh directly at everything we see (because we sure as shit ain't laughing with any of these idiots)!

TYRA TYRA TYRA
Is how this Cycle begins. Tyra is sort of like that snake eating it's own tail, right? A never-ending circle of hopelessness. Or Cthulhu. I'm still not sure. Anyway. She bids us to sit a spell and listen as she explains the changes she's made to the show. You all have come to expect meeting a slew of mentally-deficient (and malnourished) (and disillusioned) young girls screaming for a chance at fame. They tearfully tell their stories to the camera and a panel of Tyra, Ms. J and Mr. Jay.
We laugh.
NOT THIS CYCLE.
Tyra illustrates the idiots that we usually see: a bubbly blond dressed sort of like a cartoon version of Paris Hilton (which: same thing?), screaming about wanting to be America's Next Top Model! A a loud-mouthed black chick, which, if I may pause for a second? Tyra, you see this too - right? I mean, you chose these girls and let them stand in front of the cameras or even put them on the show. So you know what's happening. Are you making fun of them? I'm going to say: that's racist. Tyra was racist with Danni (in Cycle 6!), with all that talk about Danni's accent. And now she's picking on a stereotype that, yes, exists - but shouldn't be glorified BY PUTTING THEM ON HER SHOW AND GIVING THEM AIR TIME. Ugh. And finally ... what the fuck is this? A ... goth chick? Maybe? What's happening? Am I being Punk'd? I think I forgot to mention that Tyra (of course) is dressed as all these girls and is the one acting out their personalities. So we get to see Tyra dressed in something that would be 75% off at Hot Topic screaming and mugging for the camera. I guess she's talking about all the artsy-fartsy types that have come and gone on ANTM - but there have never been any girls like this. What show is she watching? Then she wags her tongue at the camera and my vagina turns to sand.
All of this is to say: Tyra is "throwing casting week out the window!" BULLSHIT. The final 14 will move into their new digs within the first 10 minutes of the show, which only means we get to watch more of their garbage and, hopefully (not hopefully) get to know them a little better/quicker. Fine. FINE TYRA.
Now, here's the Same Old Shit part. Instead of just announcing this to the girls and acting like a normal human being. Tyra decides to Punk the girls (oh, well, at least someone is getting Punk'd - is that show even still on?) by concocting this whole elaborate ... thing. She's going to tell the 14 finalists that they are out of the competition? Even though they are in the competition? Cue footage of mildly attractive girls crying!
Why all this Tom-foolery?! Tyra claims they felt it was time to get real. I've been screaming that phrase at my TV for several years now, Ty-Ty. She kind of has a point though: in modeling, you're more likely to get rejected than signed or highered right off the bat. Hell, even Tyra was turned down by 6 different agency's before she was signed. So: OK.
Cue more footage of girls crying: one chick starts to have a panic attack! Another has the squeakiest voice on earth - seriously, Minnie Mouse is like "Bitch stole my voice!"! We also get to meet the House Asshole.

Cut to LAX, where all the girls are getting dropped off. On the airport runway, The J's evaluate the girls' walk. Tyra only points out the girls that are going through to the show. I need to take a moment here - one of the girls is a plus-size model and she's pretty enough, but her walk is SHIT. We all know that plus-size girls on this show are, like, a size 8? Right? And this chick is no different. But she walks like a fat girl. I know that sounds really harsh - but I'm a big girl and I've been bigger, so I know a Fat Girl Walk when I see one. Tsk, tsk. Then they start taking photos. We meet a goofy-looking girl with a RAT TAIL.
Everyone is ushered to a roof top after meeting and screaming with Tyra. Behind the scenes, Tyra and Co. chose their Final 14, which are:
Freckle-faced Dominique (who I said was gross. Sorry, Dom but the photo the CW put up was not flattering.)
Fiercely Real Kasia (the plus-size girl. Around the time I got to discussing her photo, I was so sick of it all.)
Petite Ondrei (I actually liked her! And I still do!)
Feisty Blond Alexandria (there wasn't much observation made about her except my hope that she would be a bitch - looks like dreams can come true!)
Sexy Mama Monique (I noted that one of her favorite hobbies is bubble baths - and I stand by that.)
Elegant Nicole (I had noted that she looked a little like Molly Sims but that was probably just the make up.)
Quirky Sarah (what I like about this chick is that she lives up to her expectations: I thought she looked a bit retarded and I think that may just be the case.)
Hippie Hannah (there is no love for hippies in my house, so if this holds true I hope she gets kicked off right away.)
Golden-haired Molly ("golden-haired"? That's all you've got? "She's blond, folks!" Tyra has a way with words.)
Baby-face Jaclyn (in my original post, I noted that she looked a little like Rachel Bilson - which is great. But now I know that it's all make up and hair. This bitch is ANNOYING.)
Brittani from the Block (oh yeah?)
Regal Dalya (basically, Tyra is running out of things to say and she had to describe the level-headed and attractive black girl. Regal it is!)
Edgy Mikaela (not sure about edgy. I mean, I was getting fed up by the time I got her photo anyway.)
Sassy Angelia (but she looks so freaking bland! OK, maybe not totally vanilla. But at least Tahitian Vanilla?)

The J's come out, screaming. OK, well, it was only Ms. J but, still. Now the girls scream. EVERYBODY! They hand all the girls envelopes and Mr. Jay drops the bomb on them. WITH A TWIST. Of lime? No. I have all the lime because I'm going to need it for all the gin I have that I need to put in me so I can get through this. He tells them that Tyra has already decided who will stay and who will go - and they will know by opening those envelopes. If your picture is in there, you stay. If it's blank, you go. Cue the girls tearing into the envelopes and the screaming. (I LOVE the stock footage of some one's hand opening an envelope and looking at a photo - did we need that? No. And by no, I mean: yes.)
Brittani says to the camera that she has nothing now. Well, you know? You are on a roof top and you are standing right by a ledge. Want to make TV history? I kid, I kid! Alexandria takes it well. Nicole is bummed, as is Monique. Jaclyn squeaks to a few girls.

The girls are taken to a room to collect their luggage. Tyra comes in and talks to the girls about rejection. And then reveals that she's a mean person by telling them (screaming at them) they are home! A curtain drops and reveals their swanky new digs! As usual - it's awesome. CUE THE SCREAMING. Dalya falls down and Tyra struggles to help her up. Sarah cries till she's red in the face. And Tyra mugs for the camera. Even when she's not in the room, she mugs for the camera: since this is Cycle 16, there are photos of her all over the house when she was 16 ... yuck.
Anyway. Everyone starts unpacking and dancing and acting the fool(s). Brittani, taking more screen time than I'd prefer, tells us she lives in trailer park. Dominique calls a house meeting. She explains that if you have a little ceramic elephant in your hand, you have the floor. OK, granted, she's a little sassy when she says it (which is so wrong because Angelia is the sassy one - Dom, you are simply freckle-faced) but there's no reason for Alexandria to jump in and out-asshole her from the get-go. Not sure if there was anything else they discussed during this meeting, but all we hear about is the lack of sufficient beds. Two people don't have beds! Two!

That same night the girls get Tyra Mail. "Let's get the ball rolling! Love, Tyra!" Will they be modeling bowling shoes? Or just going to a bowling alley? Oh! Maybe they are going to a ball! But those are the only things that could happen - nothing else. Nope. That's it!

The next day everyone gets bussed to a gorgeous house in Malibu. They are greeted by Mr. Jay and Erin Wasson. She's a model, stylist and jewelry designer. Mr. Jay announces they will be doing a runway show. Erin explains they will be wearing A. Wang (LOL) and her jewelry. Everyone is very excited. Until Mr. Jay tells them the catch: they will be walking on a 12"-wide walk way over a pool ... in a plastic ball. Jaclyn is worried that she won't be able to open the ball and, therefor, will be stuck in there for the rest of her life. On top of all this they will be photographed, behind the scenes, by Russell James. He's got a great, rugged look to him and then he opens his mouth. An Australian accent? No thanks.
The girls are done up while Russell snaps photos of them. Mr. Jay wanders around and talks to the girls about, whatever. Alexandria explains to us that she has "natural swag." I notice that Kasia has some teeny boobs, which is a bummer. All-in-all, the photo shoot is a little bland. I'm just waiting for the runway.
After being called "busted up" by Ms. J, the girls are sent out in their bubbles. The bubbles are filled with confetti. It's really hard to see the clothing, which is actually OK because it's all pretty boring-looking. Ondrei is the first to fall!

Back from commercial, we get a replay of Ondrei's fall. I love her yelp during mid-fall. She fumbles her way back out of the water, totally embarrassed. Poor thing. Sarah almost spills but saves it. Dalya struts with her hands on her hips for balance and Mr. Jay makes fun of her. What a dick. Brittani werks it - you better earn that ticket out of the trailer park, girlfriend! Angelia jokes that if she wasn't on a 12" runway stuffed in a bubble, she could show you her stuff! Sorry to get all Tyra, but, that's the point. Right? Dumb ass. I dislike her more and more. Dominique is pretty sure she had a defective bubble (but I'm pretty sure everyone had the same bubble, which - gross). I'm sure she's sure of this because she falls on her ass half-way back to land. Whoopsie. After fumbling around for about an hour and mugging as much as possible, she makes it out of the water.
With everyone out of the bubbles and on dry land, The J's tear into them. Mr. Jay can't wait to bitch about Dalya putting her hands on her hips - claiming that it's never been in fashion. First of all: nope. People do that, asshole. Tyra did it. Hell, she made Danni do it when Danni was the lead during the Cycle 7 finale. WATCH THE SHOW YOU'RE ON. Brittani gets congratulated on her good walk. Erin gifts them with jewelry, which is really nice. I expected this to be a challenge where someone would win some awesome stuff (Erin Wasson jewelry) and then there would be a loser.

Back at the loft, the girls get Tyra Mail of Death. They are reminded by this that someone will be going home. DO YOU REALLY NEED TO BE REMINDED OF THIS? Whatever.
Alexandria mumbles her way through a shitty pep talk for Jaclyn. They practice runway. In Uggs. Then Alexandria (in a one-on-one) makes an excellent point: "How can you not know this is stuff you're supposed to ... know!" As stupid as she sounds, she right. "Do your homework, girl!" is also correct. All of these broads should know how to walk and pose by the time they get to panel. Jaclyn complains that she feels like Alexandria is her mother. Gross.

Behind the scenes, pre-panel, Tray comes out in the worst t-shirt ever. It's got Andre's face on it, drawn, in what looks like, marker. By a 7-year old. Andre squeals and thanks Tyra and hugs her. With the girls in the room, Tyra reminds everyone that they are high fashion now! Nigel and Andre are there to judge, of course. And Erin has joined them as the guest judge. The prizes are: $100,000 contract with Cover Girl, a contract with IMG, a spread in Italian Vogue, and the cover of Beauty in Vogue. You also get featured on Vogue Italia's website!
Time to go look at the photos! Alexandria is up first - she looks great in the photo. Even though it's a profile shot, the picture looks very fierce. Next, Dalya - it's nice. She looks lovely, of course, but it's not dynamic. Nicole walks up and Tyra screams about finding her on Tyra's website. Ugh. Anyway, the photo - it's whatever. In fact, I can barely see her in it. According to Tyra, she photographs much older than she looks, which is not a good thing. Sarah is up next - it's alright. Tyra points out Sarah's androgyny and how awesome it is - Sarah doesn't seem as sure. Ondrei comes up - the photo is fine. Angelia looks messy in front of panel - and her photo is way too Khloe Kardashian. Hannah shyly walk up - her photo is a group shot and she really pops. Kasia bounds up and Tyra explains that she is the plus-size girl - the photo is blah. Monique shoves her way to the panel - the photo is nice and she looks lovely. Mikaela comes up - her photo is great. Even though she's not it the foreground, she pops. Dominique comes up and everyone talks about her hilarious fall at the runway - her photo is whatever, but she does look great. Jaclyn hams up her Southern fried accent - the photo is great but it was the only good shot. Whoops! Molly comes up in a midriff-baring top that Andre and Tyra are not please with. In fact, it sends Andre into a fit so deep that he speaks a dialect of Gay I have never heard before - and I am fluent in most! The photo is nice, though. Finally, we have Brittani. She lumbers up with her tongue out and Nigel is a little freaked out. They all make her take a cute little feather thing in her hair out. Her photo is thebomb.com, though.

The judges deliberate, blahblahblah. I'm already sick of Tyra's voice and it's only the first episode.
Tyra calls Molly first - despite her shitty top, that photo was awesome. Everyone else takes their picture and steps to the side. Finally, we are left with Dominique and Khloe Kardashian Angelia. Tyra reminds them they are both beautiful. But Angelia wasn't giving any emotional connection. Dominique is unique but is also not giving an emotional connection. It was her hilarious performance during her runway spill that gets her the photo. Rightly so. And I'm delighted by Angelia's departure - she rubbed me the wrong way. She makes excuses during her exit interview.

So, there we go! What did you think? And how excited are you for the next episode? THERE WILL BE BEES!!

Ghost Hunters - Season 7, Episode 701

"Haunted Town" - Alexandria, LA
The Hotel Bentley, Finnigan's Wake Tavern, The Diamond Grill

The current team is: Jason Hawes, Grant Wilson, Steve Gonsalves, Dave Tango, Amy Bruni and Adam Berry (who was brought over from Ghost Hunters Academy). 


The new opening credits play: it's shorter and only feature Jason and Grant. The graphics are much better and look a lot spookier than before.

At TAPS headquarters, Amy and the guys (Jason and Grant) sit in the ... what is this room? It only has a table and chairs, with a small TV mounted on the wall that has "TAPS" playing on it all the time. The walls are covered in magazine covers from the (really expensive) TAPS magazine. I've only ever seen them use this room for introductions to cases. Seems like a waste ...
ANYWAY.
Amy explains that the entire town of Alexandria, LA has called TAPS in to check out their downtown area. The Bentley Hotel was closed in 2004 but many people claim to have seen a male apparition on the third floor and think it might be the man that built the hotel back in the day. Finnigan's Wake Tavern was actually two buildings that were combined into one and, apparently, the owner of this tavern is so freaked out by the place that he won't go in there by himself. The Diamond Grill was a jewelry store before being turned into a restaurant; they have shadows that move around, serving trays and glasses that move/are thrown on their own.
Grant is pretty excited about the prospect. Even more so when Amy explains that the citizens would like them to reveal their findings at a town hall meeting!

Bill Hess, the city's official liaison (is that a thing?) meets with they guys outside the hotel. He explains that the town is worried all the paranormal activity will ruin their tourism (also, is that a real concern?), so they would love to see what TAPS can do for them. Bill takes them inside the building and introduces them to Richard, who is a "city spokesperson." WHAT? Do people get paid for these jobs?!
Richard talks about all the spooky crap that goes on here. There's a little girl that fell down the shaft of the elevator and now roams the mezzanine level. Shortly after the re-opening of the hotel a man fell over the railing and fell head-first to the floor - GRUESOME! There's children's voices and what appear to be the shadow-y shapes of children peering over the railing, which people have witnessed.
In one suit on the third floor, the guys are shown the room where Mr. Bentley lived - and died. People hear full on conversations in the room.

Across the street is Finnigan's Wake Tavern. Shannon is the (male) owner of the bar. At various points in history, the building housed a clothing store and an optometrist's office. The bar itself was brought in from an old brothel and glasses will move on their own accord. There's footsteps in the hall and stairway. Upstairs, in the store room there are "tremendous" bangs.

Down the street they go, to The Diamond Grill. Dana, the bartender, explains that a woman that worked in the old jewelry store (which became the restaurant) supposedly haunts the place. In the bar, there's a lot of activity with glass wear. Dana also notices shadows or even what she thinks are people out of the corner of her eyes.

The team will be in town for two days/nights, so they should be able to cover a lot. Steve shows the guys where all the equipment was set up. I adore Steve - he's very level-headed and calm. Normally, he pairs with Dave, who is just the most adorable little guy you will ever meet. He's got some great dead-pan humor. Everyone grabs some hand-held equipment and they're off!

Jason and Grant get started in The Diamond Grill. They head to the kitchen and right away, the EMF meter goes bonkers. They can actually feel the EMF's and note that this is right beneath the bar, where a lot of reported activity happens. OK, that's pretty good -maybe we can debunk some stuff? Then Jason sees something and -
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Something moved and he goes after it. I don't think Grant saw it because he kinda looks over at the camera man. Jason gives up and is set to move on but then they BOTH hear a kitchen door. It's one of those swinging doors and it's moving. There's some weird ass noise and they both see something - Jason is pretty freaked out by it. He says it looked like a dark, black mass looking right at them. Grant hasn't seen any of this.

Over at the Tavern, Dave and Steve look into the situation with the bar. Steve experiment with the glasses; he wets a glass to see if that would make it move on it's own accord -nope. They tap the shelves and even try shaking the bar itself - nothing. Steve goes upstairs to stomps around and possibly get things moving - NOTHING. They decide to try and make contact since they can't debunk anything.
They set out a bottle and ask that who ever is with them to please move it. Nothing happens, though. Dave's a little annoyed and even asks: "What's your problem?"

Back at The Diamond Grill, Amy and the new guy Adam go back to the third floor. They want to catch the same thing that Jason saw and try to keep an ear out for any sounds. Checking the EMFs, Adam notices that they're high everywhere. Amy cuts him off and asks if he heard a voice. She heard a soft "huh." Amy is a little whatever for me but I'm kind of digging Adam. They both hear noises and follow them. It was a door. A very creaky door. That leads into some wicked creepy looking hallway. There's no breeze going on, so that's not what made it move.

On the second night, Jason and Grant and in the hotel. The lobby is very cold and the atmosphere is pretty heavy - Jason feels like his ears need to pop. They hear the sound of someone wheeling a cart - pretty specific, dude. When Grant asks if someone is with them, they hear a "yeah." I don't hear it but, that's cool. As they walk around, Jason sees a shadow move on the staircase. It's not anything to do with a trick of the light because the streets are closed down, so no one is driving! Ooooh! That's pretty good!
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The guys go up the stairs to find out what they saw. As they investigate some rooms, they hear a "hello." Jason stops to give an interview and in mid-sentence both guys hear a forceful "No you don't." They stop and look around some more. It's getting hard for them to pin-point where all of this is coming from!

Steve and Dave go to the third floor, to look for Mr. Bentley. They call out to Mr. Bentley and hear a loud thump. This prompts Steve to ask if they are with Mr. Bentley and they get another thump but the activity is inconsistent. Steve proposes that it may not be Mr. Bentley.

Adam and Amy park it outside Mr. Bentley's room and set up some weird ass laser thing. It makes the room look like the matrix. Amy notes that it is wicked quiet then the laser pointer thing MOVES BY ITSELF.
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They fuss around with it, trying to find a way that it might move on it's own. Adam is pretty sure that when they sat down and set down the recorder, it caused some vibrations that made it move. Fair enough.

Back to Dave and Steve. They ponder the mystery of the shadows in the lobby. Steve notes that the columns on the balcony are pretty reflective and if light is shined on them, it creates the illusion of a shadow-y head and shoulders. They move onto the staircase, checking to see if Dave will get tripped while walking up. He has no luck on the first go but when he challenges the ghost to trip him, he trips himself. Haha. Oh, you guys! Steve finds this to be hilarious and makes a good point: if someone is embarrassed by tripping themselves, they may blame it on a ghost, since it's a known story. Not bad!

Jason and Grant go back to the balcony, over-looking the lobby. Grant sees a light flash, below them. It happens a second time. It sort of looks like someone snapped a picture with the flash on!
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They run down after it but there's nothing there. They figure out where it would have come from but there's no light source. As they look around, they hear some footsteps down a hall. Chasing after it, they find nothing and decide to pack it up.

The team (sans Jason and Grant, as per usual) sit in some sad looking hotel room and go through all the evidence. Amy finds a voice on a recording that's pretty loud. Dave finds a whisper, also from The Diamond Grill - sounds like "I'm sorry." Adam has found footage of Jason and Grant's light flash! Good job!

Everyone files in for the town meeting! The citizens give a cheerful round of applause and the guys are chuffed. It's adorable. On to the evidence! Starting at Finnigan's Wake Tavern, they explain that there were no personal experiences BUT they caught some great stuff. There's a recording of what sounds like a drinking song and another recording of a female voice. It's hard to tell what she says. Grant encourages the owner to feel safe in his establishment.
At The Diamond Grill, now! They show the footage of Amy talking where the voice speaks over her and Adam. The second voice recording is played and it sounds kind of like "Hey, Adam." Adam explains that he didn't hear it and didn't have the chance to respond. In the bar, they caught the "I'm sorry" voice. Grant points out that there's no emotional attachment to the voice because they have no context. But they explain that the restaurant has an intelligent haunting, since it's trying to interact with everyone.
Finally, The Bentley Hotel. Jason talks about seeing movement in the lobby and on the stairs. Then they show the footage of the light in the lobby - the citizens are impressed. Next is the recording of the footsteps - which is pretty loud. The citizens are even more impressed. Finally, they play the interview where the voice hollers "No you don't!" Grant thinks that there is something going on there. Jason wants to come back for a week! They guys confirm that the town has a lot of activity but it doesn't seem to be connected. The tavern owner is a lot more comfortable with going into his establishment now. The bartender at the restaurant is excited about talking back to anything that wants to interact with her.

All-in-all a very fun-filled and solid start to a new season!