Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Hooray for Hollywood!

It's the 83rd Academy Awards! Yawn. That's a little harsh; there were some really solid films in the running this year and some were neck-and-neck. Plus, Anne Hathaway and James Franco hosted the event and both of those beautiful people are adorable to watch. For your convenience (?) I will be doing a stream of consciousness recap of the festivities - including the red carpet pre-show and whatever junk they play after the ceremony is over. Let's get started!!

Oscar Red Carpet Live with Robin Roberts

I have no idea who Robin Roberts is, but she's lovely and has a great TV voice. It's hilarious how much red carpet there is to walk; it starts at the Kodak Theater and runs all the way down to Highland Ave. Insane! Tim Gunn is also there and seems to be kinda nervous. Maria Menunos (?) is at the "front gate" in a weird-looking dress.
This is the first year that cameras are allowed backstage, in the green room. They will be interviewed by someone from Vanity Fair - she's pretty awkward. Plus, the hosts will be interviewed which never happens.
Mila Kunis is up first! She looks lovely but I'm not totally feeling the dress. Maybe it's the color? The draping?  Anyway, she's a doll and I love her to death.

Hailee Steinfeld (Best Supporting Actress nom) is next and J'DORE!!! Her dress is so age-appropriate, her hair and make up is flawless and she is so darling. I want to put her in my pocket. Maria, who is interviewing her, freaks the poor girl out by pointing out the 500 screaming photographers. Dude, chill.

Jesse Eisenberg gets interviewed by Robin and he is, predictably uncomfortable. I kinda want him to put his babies in me. Kinda. His suit is pretty pedestrian and his tie is askew. At least his trousers are tailored. At the end of the interview, he wanders off. Perfect.

A time waster they are trying out is showing the top three favorite acceptance speeches. Number three is Cuba Gooding Jr. screaming about how he loves everyone. Yawn.

Amy Adams! She's just the cutest. Something about her dress kinda bugs me. I love the color and the sparkle but the high neck is a little lame. And it's topped off by a weird-ass necklace. Plus, it makes her arms look kinda chunky. Hmm ... she doesn't mention Christian Bale.

Back to Maria with Jennifer Lawrence (Best Actress nom). I still haven't seen "Winter's Bone" yet but it's supposed to be pretty awesome. And so is Ms. Lawrence. She comes off as kind of a dumb ass - not in a mean way, just in a "I'm still young and this is pretty overwhelming" sort of way. She's gorgeous.

Kevin Spacey ... He looks great - maybe a little too much make up - but he's just such an odd ball.

Now we get a moment with Russel Brand. I have mixed feelings about this guy; I thought he was hilarious in "Saving Sarah Marshal" but then he just got more and more annoying until he married Katy Perry. But now he's edging more over to my good side. He brought his mom since "Katy is on tour" - code for, "our marriage is over."

Tim gets some face time with Melissa Leo. Her dress is bonkers but I love it so much - kinda reminds me of something I had for my Barbie's back in the day. She looks lovely though and she doesn't seem like an asshole. I know there was a lot of talk about her blowing her chances at winning with the "for your consideration" ads. Whateves!

Maria reports on tracking Justin Timberlake. What I especially love about this is she's talking about it after the camera pans over Steven Spielberg. DUDE. TALK TO HIM.

Robin introduces a group of the most adorable inner-city children that are going to be singing at the ceremony tonight and I want to cry.

Cate Blanchett! She's one of the few Australian's I can stand. What is she wearing? The color is great and shape is great but there's something weird happening at the neck and shoulders. Don't get it - don't want to get it. But she's gorgeous in every way possible and I adore her!

There's a particularly heart-warming segment about nominees and their moms. Adorable!!

Mark Ruffalo!! I want him to put babies in me. And he looks great tonight - there's a very simple notched lapel on his jacket and the hem on his pants is just right. Plus, his wife - Sunrise! - looks great. I want her earrings so bad.

Tim interviews Marissa Tomei and it's like getting an injection of pure sunshine. They talk about Lady GaGa wanting her to play her in the inevitable biopic. Now, the dress Marissa is wearing is lovely, no doubt. But there's something about it that puts me off a bit. The color? The bust? Dunno!

Robin interviews a nebbish looking fellow who talks about the odds on certain actors winning. Yawn.

Jeff Bridges shows off his awesome-looking family.

Maria interviews Scarlett Johansson and she looks awesome. Love the color, the cut, the lace! Her hair isn't quite working for me and I don't care for the brown-ish eye make up. Oh well, can't win 'em all. She's a doll though, so she gets a free pass.

More talk of Sir Justin. Whateves.
The little fat kid from Modern Family to the Governor's Ball rehearsal dinner - it's funny but, yeah ...

Time for some McConaughey. Love this dumb ass. He's so slimey but charming at the same time. Dude could sell me the Brooklyn Bridge. Plus, he looks great in a tux!

Annette Benning and Warren Betty. She looks fantastic and he looks fucking old. Probably because he is fucking old. Dude is like grandpa status at this point.

And now for another awkward interview. This time Tim stumbles through an interview with the designer Valentino, who designed the gorgeous dress Ann Hathaway is wearing. She looks awesome. But Valentino is bumming me out - especially since his trousers are too baggy at the ankle. Seriously? You're Valentino!
Anne is adorable and I want to snuggle with her so bad.

YEAY! Marky Mark! I love this dude so hard. He chats with Robin about "The Fighter", which is my favorite  movie this year. He mentions Christian, which makes me happy. And I love that Mark talks about being a producer. He looks great, too.

Maria has Colin Firth and Geoffrey Rush. They are so adorable together. It's Colin's to lose, so he seems pretty damed relaxed knowing that. And Geoffrey is just totally bonkers. They look great by the way.

Inside the Green Room, the broad from Vanity Fair talks to Reese Witherspoon. She looks AWESOME. And she's super mellow, probably because she's just presenting and there's not too much pressure. It's the worst interview ever - plus, there's a bunch of random people in the background full on staring at the two of them. I thought this was the Green Room where all the beautiful people hung out and got drunk before the show and during commercial break?!

And now Robert Downey Jr.!!! I love him to death. His suit it terrible, though. But his wife, Susan, looks fantastic - as always. He's charming as always and can't keep his hands off his wife - love!

Tim has Jennifer Hudson and she looks pretty awesome. Girl has lost a ton of weight and he body is bangin'. Plus, her dress is to die for. Her hair is a bit much but I guess it works with the whole look. Tim brings up her Grammy and Oscar. I think she should go for the EGOT!

NATALIE PORTMAN! I think she looks great. Beautiful purple dress with some great dangley earrings - love! She's very relaxed and just looks so fresh.

Back in the Green Room we have James Franco. This ought to be good. He's stoned out of his mind. But probably not - that's really just him. I mean, he's a weird dude, so whatever. Is he single? I might let him put a baby in me.

FINALLY. Justin Timberlake. He's also a jolt of sunshine, no matter how smarmy he may come across. He's got a nice, basic tuxedo on and the hem is nice on the trousers. I give him a gold star. But he doesn't get to put a baby in me.

Ah, Sandra Bullock. She looks amazing and is just the greatest thing ever. When do I get to sit down and have a beer with her?! Though, I don't know how I feel about her eye make up - but everything else is awesome.

More from the nerd talking about odds - I DON'T CARE.

Robin has Nicole Kidman and her wee husband Keith Urban. She does look fantastic just because she's Nicole Kidman. But her dress is a little bridal and I'm not feeling her hair. Plus, that's a lot of Australian accent. Ugh. But you know, she just seems to be so much happier now that she's not with Tom anymore! Oh yeah, the red shoes are the worst.

It's GOOP. She looks like a young Mrs. Roper. In a good way (is there any other way?!). She does look lovely, though. I don't care how much of an asshole she is - I love her to death.

Christian Bale - who gets to put as many babies as he wants in me - interviews with Robin. The beard has been tamed and the hair has been cut. Plus, I think he's the best dressed man tonight. All black but he's rocking an sharp waistcoat, a shawl collar and a shiny tie - plus, the hem on his trousers is perfection.

Tim recaps his favorite ladies. Robin trots down the corridor to the main room. Commercials!
Inside the theater, Robin is joined by Hugh Jackman. STOP WITH THE OZZIES. He's adorable and all but, seriously, I can't take much more of this.
Remember the favorite acceptance speeches? Me neither. But apparantly Tom Hanks' speech for "Philadelphia" and the bonkers Italian dude from "Life is Beautiful" are the top two.
In the Green Room, Halle Berry begins her "I swear I'm not fucking crazy" tour in a fairly bland dress with a more than fairly bland personality. Over it!
Maria is backstage, probably annoying people trying to do some actual work. She interviews a producer for the Oscars who is attended to by Steven Spielberg - which was pretty funny.
Back with Robin - on stage! - she's interviewing Tom Hanks. The nicest man on the face of the earth.

That's it folks! Not too bad. Pretty mellow but we got to see all the big stars.
Next up is the actual awards ceremony. But that's going to have to wait till tomorrow. I'm so freaking tired! The house warming went pretty late and I've spent most of the day hung over (oopsie!).

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