ANTM 4

It's that time again! I'm blogging this live, so I hope we go to commercial soon because I totally have to pee.

Make overs and Terra's exit are recapped. Sarah and her bleached eyebrows are sent packing, in case you forgot. Which you very well could have since I barely remember her - save for the eyebrows. Commercials - thank god!

Lexie laments being in the bottom two but there is no way because she is such a shit-starter. Everyone else talks about how much they want this and how hard they want to work for it blahblahblah. Kacey has a BRILLIANT idea: they should have a BBQ with the male models from last week. All the girls think Kacey is shady and don't trust her. Duh.

Turns out the whole day was super awkward. Except for Kacey! She was all over her male model friend. Most of the guys start to bail and no one gives a shit. Seriously, that was so uncomfortable to watch ...

The girls go to Knott's Berry Farm and meet Nigel and Ms. J. Yeay! I like Knott's! The girls have to ride The Silver Bullet and the mounted photo will take a picture of them while Nigel and Ms. J call out emotions into an earpiece. Easy, right? Barf.

Liz looses her shit but pulls off a great photo. Kacey and Lexie not so much. Jane looks possessed. Kayla busts it out. Chelsey also looks insane. Ann is supposed to be intense and just looks lovely. Rhianna is such a mess. Chris doesn't like roller coasters and might not even be able to do the photo shoot! Please ... she does it anyway. She's supposed to looks like she "doesn't care" - instead she looks constipated.

Liz wins the challenge and gets a photo shoot with Tyra that will end up on her website. Chris and Kayla get to go with her. The girls are going to reenact the "cover" of Tyra's web-magazine. She looks great with long ass hair. Kayla busts it out and Chris looks pretty nice. Then there's tea. Yeah. They have tea. In her one-on-one Kayla looks so awesomely butch with her hair parted down the middle. And then Tyra ate all the carrot cake.

Lexie bitches about cleaning the house. Kacey is the slob and also the one that no one likes, so Lexie choses the moment to call her out in front of everyone. Lucky for Lexie, it's actually true that no one likes her. Whatever, Kacey is boring.

"True beauty lives just under the surface" - will they be skinned alive?!

It's a highly stylized photo shoot with ... live seafood? The get to shoot with Matthew Ralston - no fucking idea who this troll doll is. Anyway, they get to play under sea goddesses and will be photographed under some glass contraption.

Matthew is super insane and goes through every little thing that he doesn't like about the girls. I like this guy.

Hey! It's Kendal! Haven't heard from her in awhile. Unfortunatly, she forgot she was in the club. Kayla looked like The Little Mermaid! Chelsey freaked me out. Ethser  had a dreamy look - also a Stepford Wives look. Chris looked great. Lecxie pumps herself up but Jesus she looked weird. Kacey looked great and wowed Matthew. Jane looked like a mermaid. Anne was so gorgeous! Rhianna really is a poor man's Anne, though she can look lovely. Liz starts to complain about her make up and it's just so fucking annoying.

Chelsey wants to be number one but I really don't think that's going to happen.

Back Stage, Pre-Panel: Matthew is super grossed out about kissing Tyra. Haha.

First up is Kacey and gets called out on her nasty gold shoes. He photo is OK but I think she looks like she's choking herself. Kayla is gorgeous and I still think she looks like Ariel, so does Tyra. Esther looks great and ALT thinks she looks like Elizabeth Taylor. Anne is fantastic, as usual! Chris looks whack to me but Matthew thinks it's great. Jane is beautiful but harsh. Lexie just looks god damned silly to me - and she is in profile again, barf. Rhianna does look uncomfortable - I don't like it. Kendal looks great - it actually looks like she's moving! Chelsey looks like shiiiiiiit - she looks like an amateur drag queen. Liz looks pissed in her photo - it's pretty bad. AND she complains that she couldn't see ... Jesus.

Called first: Anne! AGAIN! She's going to be murdered in her sleep. Ooo! Kacey gets called second - I'm sure everyone loved that. Wow, Chelsey gets through with that shitty drag photo.

Rhianna gets called out for being a flower child? I think they mean stupid. Liz gets called out for being a whiny bitch. But, she gets to stay. Dur. Awwww ... poor Rhianna is crying! She wasn't versatile enough, so she's got to work on that. Whatever.

Next week is a moving runway and Lexie and Kacey get at each others throats. Yeay!

Hahahahahahahah!

I've finally accepted Anger and it feels good. Pushing away whatever I'm feeling doesn't make it better or make it go away. In fact, it just makes it suck harder. I let that shit get up in my head and it does things - ugly things - to me. Today I started planning out my day - "when i get home i'll do this, and then this next and then i can do this" - which made me totally freak out. I started obsessing over Ex and Some Chick and I wanted to baaaaarf.

It's the planning that does it; there's a difference between doing stuff and keeping busy and planning the shit out of my day. I used to do that all the time and it just set me up for failure. There's a general direction for this coming week (in an effort to stay busy and getting things done) but I have no intention of planning on things and I'm fine with that. But when I started getting down the the minutiae details, I just felt sick to my stomach.
I cannot control and plan what is going to happen in Ex's life (or what he does with Some Chick). And even though I don't want to be Ex's girlfriend or have sex with him - I'm just angry that he's being an asshole. It feels so good to say that! And it feels good to say that I think Some Chick is just a dumb bitch! I'm angry right now and I'm owning it and I'm going with it. It will pass in time.

What's so funny? Well ... I was pissed about all the cute-sy, familiar comments Some Chick has left on Ex's Facebook profile, so I decided to leave a few reminders that I also have familiar comments and stories to share and leave on Ex's profile. I get that in the "digital age" it's easy to expedite a relationship, what with constant emails, instant messaging, cell phones and text messages. You can get to know a person fairly well in a month, when it used to take ... oh, you know, months - years even - "back in the day."
So the familiarity, while annoying, is understandable. I still hate her. She doesn't care about me, so I don't care about her.

It's bitchy and I admit to it. This makes me Rizzo and Iron Maven!

  

Do I realize that both of these ladies were bad girls and each had some kind of downfall (pregnancy scare and  losing a big match)? Yes, but you can't have the day if you don't have the night. And the greatest thing about all that? The sun always rises. Rizzo wasn't pregnant and she got with Kenickie and Iron Maven gave Babe Ruthless her props. A happy ending all around. There's no such thing as a straight road, there will always be some twists and turns. But sometimes the ride is just as great as the destination.

I am thoroughly entertained by this but like I said, it will pass. And if Ex calls me out (though I honestly don't think that would happen) it then I can point out to him that Some Chick's flagrant posting is no better. It hurts my feelings because it's so soon - she may no know this (which might be bullshit since Ex claims to have told her the whole story) but I think it's more likely that she just doesn't give a shit. So why should I give a shit? Ex might side with her because he worships at the Temple of Anger and she's the new kid on the block. It's OK if she's mean, but it's not OK if I'm mean.

That's just stupid. So I'm kind of over that whole thing. I probably won't stop being angry for a little while but it feels good to admit it so freely. That might expedite the healing process. Either way, I feel alright.

ANTM 3

Ann is feeling great after being called first and Lexie is still annoying. Sara busts out some photos of her baby and whines about not being with him.Then she whines about not doing well in the photo challenge. Terra mulls over being in the bottom two.

Tyra shows up looking like a Newsies reject. She then asks about every-bodies farts. There's my girl!

She brings over portfolios - that are empty. But it's a roundabout way to announce MAKEOVERS!!!!!!!
I'm not even going to try to explain what the girls are getting because everything that comes out of her mouth is insane rambling. Wait, wait, WAIT. One of the girls has a little gap in her teeth and Tyra wants to EMPHASIS IT. Bitch.

Everyone starts speculating about the makeovers and Lexie decides to play a prank by making a fake list explaining what the makeovers are actually going to be. Everyone, predictably, starts to freak out. It's the weirdest thing I have ever seen. Everyone takes it so seriously and Lexie (proving to me that she is completely crazy) goes way over the top because she "gave herself" a bad makeover. I'm excited to see what happens when none of those makeovers actually happen. Lexie is going to get her ass kicked.

Terra and Chris call their mom - that lady is amazing: she could tell who was who on the phone!

Anyway - onto makeovers!!
(BTW - Lexie promises that she will never tell anyone about the fake list. We will see about that ...)

Anne looks really great - much softer and more lady-ish. Liz gets a crazy-short cut that she doesn't really like; it looks OK but she might rock it. Chelsey gets her gap whitened and icy blond hair. Sara gets bleached eyebrows and dark hair - it looks weird. Kendal is getting a long weave which looks fantastic on her. Terra (crying again) is getting a really buzzed cut; it's ... weird. Kayla is going red - like actual red and it's insane. Chris gets a long curly weave that is pretty pedestrian. Esther goes jet black that compliments her. Jane looks pedestrian as well. Rhianna gets a long blond-ish weave that looks nice. Kacey gets her hair straightened and contacts. And now it's Lexie's turn! Her hair is darker and longer. The Jays don't think much of her.

YES. Someone is going home tonight.
Liz, Sarah, Lexie, Terra are all singled out for being brats.
And holy shit - Terra gets sent home. Though, I can't say that I blame them: all she did was suck and cry. Nothing else. Chris is pretty bummed but I could care less. Mr. Jay brings up a good point: don't let the makeovers go. These girls tend to let their hair go to shit after a little while. Why would you do that?

Chris is openly sad about her sister getting sent home and everyone is keeping an eye on her to see if she starts to fuck up. Nice.

The photo shoots theme is "Fallen Angels", so they get dolled up with black feathers and get hooked up in a harness so that it looks like they are falling from heaven. They are paired up with boys. Kayla is grossed out by this.

Esther wants to be a fearless angel but is having some trouble with it.
Liz is a "powerful/victory" angel but is lacking grace. She also complains a lot.
Kayla is an evil angel and it's awesome.
Sarah is a seductive angel and she is so flat is weird.
Kacey is a rebellious angel (who happens to find a connection with her male model - much to the dislike of her house mates.)
Rhianna is a "hopeless/sultry" angel. Really, they need to pick this shit for the girls - especially if it's coming from the one that was called "stupid" back in school.
Chelsy is a mysterious angel and rocks it.
Chris is a heartbroken angel and does a great job.
Jane is a scorned angel
Kendal is a "desire angel" - which makes no fucking sense.
Anne is a longing angel and does well even though she's nervous about working with a guy.
Lexie is a preditorial (also, that's not a real word and my spell check refuses to acknowledge it) angel and she let's down Mr. Jay.

In the pre-panel footage everyone orgasms over Tyra's late-70's-ish outfit. Patricia Fields is there.

OH SNAP - Lexie, Rhianna and Anne are called out over the list by Tyra. Hilarious.

Liz has an OK picture. Chelsy also has an OK photo. But Esther's photo is clueless. Jane is also clueless! Come on ladies! Kacey does not deliver a powerful picture. Lexie looks terrible - dude, seriously, this is BAD! Sarah - JESUS! What is going on? Chris has a good photo! But it's still not even that good. Rhianna also has a great photo. Kendal is pretty whatever. Kayla's photo is great - I love it! Anne has the best photo of all!

Patricia Fields puts on sunglasses to look at photos.

Called first? Anne! Again! Yeay!

Now it's down to ...Lexie and Sarah (I thought it would be Esther!)
Sarah goes home, which doesn't surprise me that much. Hell, the girl made a fake makeover list!!
She feels guilty over having left her son for awhile and I just don't care. She's too boring.

That's it kids! Next week there are beauty shots involving seafood ... I don't know.

ANTM 1/2

I didn't get around to recapping the first episode of this cycle (for obvious reasons) but I wanted to put in my two cents: Boring. There was nothing much that stood out from it; a lot of the girls are pretty even-keel and some are even well-spoken and (dare I say!) intelligent. Annamaria is the only front-runner for Bitch, so far. Though Kelsy (?? - it's Lexi) is coming right up behind her with all the shit talking she does.

Anyway, I'm watching the second episode right now and had a powerful lust to recap as I watch.

Basically, the girls are in LA again and are living in an ugly ass house on Venice Beach. Everyone is getting along pretty well; Kayla comes out as a lesbian and Ann is still a goofy-ass weirdo. The first challenge was a Diane Von Furstenberg fashion show; the runway was suspended in mid-air above the audience but the girls were strapped in with a harness. Damnit.

The photo shoot is "all about bullying" which is "very important to Tyra." All the girls get into bikinis and have words that bullies have said to them painted on their bodies. It's very Laugh-In. When Tyra does a one-on-one with Kayla about her bully word ("queer") she starts to cry - and rightfully so. Tyra smiles like an idiot. You know, the more I look at her, the lovelier Kayla gets. I kinda want her to win.

Anyone watch True Blood? Jane looks like Crystal, right? Liz choosing "Biracial Beauty" is nice but it reminds me of Dr. Gonzo's note to Ellen Burstyn in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas: "Back door beauty?" Ann looks a bit like Paulina in make up. And Annamaria reminds me of Alicia Silverstone in make up - CHRIST she is thin. And she is clearly mental.

Demi Lavato shows up to talk about being bullied. Jesus, she looks old. Isn't she supposed to be, like, 14 or something? And then she's gone.

OK. So the "pre-panel camera" is just the living end. Just when I thought this show couldn't out-asshole itself.

I'm glad that Andre is still on board and I have to think that it's his doing that got them the Italian Vogue spread.

Lexi's photo looks great. Even if she hates being called "elf ears" she needs to accept that she has some serious Galadriel going on and it's working for me.
Kasey seems to have lost her face in the photo. She sorta looks like Ponyo when she's transforming or whatever.
Jane does nothing for me.
Kayla is next and Tyra takes the opportunity to drag some tears out of Kayla over the "queer" thing. I really like Kayla's crying voice - it reminds me of Peppermint Patty. And you know, her photo is awesome.
Liz has a really great look but I think she might struggle with her harsh angles.
Esther is the one with some big ass titties. That's all you need to know right now.
Kendal's photo is crap. Her eyes are heavily lidded.
Sarah photo is crappy too - not memorable at all.
Terra's photo is really awkward and there doesn't seem to be a real thought process to how she's posing.
Chris has the broke-down doll thing which looks bad.
Chelsea is next with her bully word "Casper" - she's not even that pale. Maybe it's the TV but she seriously doesn't look that pale. What's even worse is that she chose some meaningless word ("fearless") to make herself feel better. The photo is great though.
Rhianna's bully word is "stupid" and that is exactly what her photo is.
Annamaria gets called slim right away by both Nigel and Tyra. Annamaria starts to sass Tyra, claiming that she doesn't see that she's too thin.
Ann looks AMAZING. Done.

I get the feeling that Terra and Annamaria are going to be in the bottom two. And I'm right.

Ann gets called first and I am delighted. Kayla is the runner up which just makes me even happier.

So ... Terra is beautiful but lacks focus. Annamaria is also beautiful but the judges don't like how fucking skinny she is. Which is why she gets to fuck off back home. I guess Lexi is going to be the Bitch!

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA - the little bit of next week's episode that I caught has the girls freaking out over make overs because ... a list of the make overs was found in the house! Wait, what?