ANTM 1/2

I didn't get around to recapping the first episode of this cycle (for obvious reasons) but I wanted to put in my two cents: Boring. There was nothing much that stood out from it; a lot of the girls are pretty even-keel and some are even well-spoken and (dare I say!) intelligent. Annamaria is the only front-runner for Bitch, so far. Though Kelsy (?? - it's Lexi) is coming right up behind her with all the shit talking she does.

Anyway, I'm watching the second episode right now and had a powerful lust to recap as I watch.

Basically, the girls are in LA again and are living in an ugly ass house on Venice Beach. Everyone is getting along pretty well; Kayla comes out as a lesbian and Ann is still a goofy-ass weirdo. The first challenge was a Diane Von Furstenberg fashion show; the runway was suspended in mid-air above the audience but the girls were strapped in with a harness. Damnit.

The photo shoot is "all about bullying" which is "very important to Tyra." All the girls get into bikinis and have words that bullies have said to them painted on their bodies. It's very Laugh-In. When Tyra does a one-on-one with Kayla about her bully word ("queer") she starts to cry - and rightfully so. Tyra smiles like an idiot. You know, the more I look at her, the lovelier Kayla gets. I kinda want her to win.

Anyone watch True Blood? Jane looks like Crystal, right? Liz choosing "Biracial Beauty" is nice but it reminds me of Dr. Gonzo's note to Ellen Burstyn in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas: "Back door beauty?" Ann looks a bit like Paulina in make up. And Annamaria reminds me of Alicia Silverstone in make up - CHRIST she is thin. And she is clearly mental.

Demi Lavato shows up to talk about being bullied. Jesus, she looks old. Isn't she supposed to be, like, 14 or something? And then she's gone.

OK. So the "pre-panel camera" is just the living end. Just when I thought this show couldn't out-asshole itself.

I'm glad that Andre is still on board and I have to think that it's his doing that got them the Italian Vogue spread.

Lexi's photo looks great. Even if she hates being called "elf ears" she needs to accept that she has some serious Galadriel going on and it's working for me.
Kasey seems to have lost her face in the photo. She sorta looks like Ponyo when she's transforming or whatever.
Jane does nothing for me.
Kayla is next and Tyra takes the opportunity to drag some tears out of Kayla over the "queer" thing. I really like Kayla's crying voice - it reminds me of Peppermint Patty. And you know, her photo is awesome.
Liz has a really great look but I think she might struggle with her harsh angles.
Esther is the one with some big ass titties. That's all you need to know right now.
Kendal's photo is crap. Her eyes are heavily lidded.
Sarah photo is crappy too - not memorable at all.
Terra's photo is really awkward and there doesn't seem to be a real thought process to how she's posing.
Chris has the broke-down doll thing which looks bad.
Chelsea is next with her bully word "Casper" - she's not even that pale. Maybe it's the TV but she seriously doesn't look that pale. What's even worse is that she chose some meaningless word ("fearless") to make herself feel better. The photo is great though.
Rhianna's bully word is "stupid" and that is exactly what her photo is.
Annamaria gets called slim right away by both Nigel and Tyra. Annamaria starts to sass Tyra, claiming that she doesn't see that she's too thin.
Ann looks AMAZING. Done.

I get the feeling that Terra and Annamaria are going to be in the bottom two. And I'm right.

Ann gets called first and I am delighted. Kayla is the runner up which just makes me even happier.

So ... Terra is beautiful but lacks focus. Annamaria is also beautiful but the judges don't like how fucking skinny she is. Which is why she gets to fuck off back home. I guess Lexi is going to be the Bitch!

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA - the little bit of next week's episode that I caught has the girls freaking out over make overs because ... a list of the make overs was found in the house! Wait, what?