It's the planning that does it; there's a difference between doing stuff and keeping busy and planning the shit out of my day. I used to do that all the time and it just set me up for failure. There's a general direction for this coming week (in an effort to stay busy and getting things done) but I have no intention of planning on things and I'm fine with that. But when I started getting down the the minutiae details, I just felt sick to my stomach.
I cannot control and plan what is going to happen in Ex's life (or what he does with Some Chick). And even though I don't want to be Ex's girlfriend or have sex with him - I'm just angry that he's being an asshole. It feels so good to say that! And it feels good to say that I think Some Chick is just a dumb bitch! I'm angry right now and I'm owning it and I'm going with it. It will pass in time.
What's so funny? Well ... I was pissed about all the cute-sy, familiar comments Some Chick has left on Ex's Facebook profile, so I decided to leave a few reminders that I also have familiar comments and stories to share and leave on Ex's profile. I get that in the "digital age" it's easy to expedite a relationship, what with constant emails, instant messaging, cell phones and text messages. You can get to know a person fairly well in a month, when it used to take ... oh, you know, months - years even - "back in the day."
So the familiarity, while annoying, is understandable. I still hate her. She doesn't care about me, so I don't care about her.
It's bitchy and I admit to it. This makes me Rizzo and Iron Maven!
Do I realize that both of these ladies were bad girls and each had some kind of downfall (pregnancy scare and losing a big match)? Yes, but you can't have the day if you don't have the night. And the greatest thing about all that? The sun always rises. Rizzo wasn't pregnant and she got with Kenickie and Iron Maven gave Babe Ruthless her props. A happy ending all around. There's no such thing as a straight road, there will always be some twists and turns. But sometimes the ride is just as great as the destination.
I am thoroughly entertained by this but like I said, it will pass. And if Ex calls me out (though I honestly don't think that would happen) it then I can point out to him that Some Chick's flagrant posting is no better. It hurts my feelings because it's so soon - she may no know this (which might be bullshit since Ex claims to have told her the whole story) but I think it's more likely that she just doesn't give a shit. So why should I give a shit? Ex might side with her because he worships at the Temple of Anger and she's the new kid on the block. It's OK if she's mean, but it's not OK if I'm mean.
That's just stupid. So I'm kind of over that whole thing. I probably won't stop being angry for a little while but it feels good to admit it so freely. That might expedite the healing process. Either way, I feel alright.
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