Friday, March 20, 2009

ANMT #4 - Charm School

I'd like to know when they take the photo/video of the girls in the crazy outfits for the opening credits. They all look really good and actually seem like models at this point. Could it be b/c we can barely see their faces and they all have (basically) the same wig? Either way, this is something that is burning a hole in my brain.

Alright! Way to go Teyona! 
When the girls come back to their apartment, Teyon "high-fives" her photo and shows just how practial she is: in a one-on-one she says that it would be sad to see one of her friends go...but, oh well! I like that attitude, it's bitchy but not crazy. Since she didn't say it in front of the other girls it makes me think that she's a lot smarter than say, Sandra or Natalie (we'll get to that in a few!). 

There are a few girls in the house that are worried they might not be sticking around - and w/ good reason. Nijah is dissapointed that the judges don't see her personality; which is silly since she doesn't have one. And Thalia is still freaking out/being annoying. Her voice is annoying too, no? But her greatest revelation is that she has no model training - GASP! Could have fooled me. And now she's really leaving herself open to getting shit on by the judges or torn to shreds by the girls.
Guess who else is annoying? Natalie! Yeah, remember her? Me neither, but I will now. Turns out she has had previous modeling experiance (even having had an agency at one point) and thinks she's the shiz-nit. In fact ,she's so awesome that she takes time to "teach" some of the other girls how to walk. I loved that while she was prancing around on the house's runway NO ONE was paying attention.
Well, except for Allison. So if she goes home b/c Natalie taught her a shitty walk I will have no sympathy for her. When she admited to over-thinking her walk I was really disappointed. Allison is supposed to be the crazy one! There should be no thinking involved in anything she does! I want her to be this free-floating energy that haunts the other girls in the house. Not some broke-down bitch w/ walking issues.

Challenge 1: Walking
The girls roll up to the Haunted Mansion for their next challenge. Inside they are greeted by Ms.J, channeling Elizabeth Taylor, who tells them that they are going to work on their walks today and learn some runway ettiqute. He sends them off to get changed, for whatever reason. At least they didn't give them 3 minutes to change. Turns out the outfits set out for them have been provided by Martha Stewart Inc. Sweet.
Ms. J shows the girls a proper elegant walk. Let me just say: fuck, Ms. J can walk.

  • Celia - decient walk but kinda wiggles. Also, she was pretty slow.
  • Aminat - OK but was a little sharp. Felt like getting a papercut to watch her.
  • Fo - "wind-up toy!" was Ms. J's assesment. I couldn't agree more.
  • Nijah - an angry face? I didn't see an angry face. In fact I didn't see a damn thing on her face. And she's sloppy.
  • Kortnie - kinda walks like a truck driver, y/y?
  • Sandra - I still kind of hate her, even though we haven't heard much from her. The walk was bad too: all should-wiggle, angry face and hands in her pockets. Ms. J made fun of her which is always great.
  • Thalia - good lord that girl has a timid walk!
  • London - whatever...
  • Teyona - whatever...
  • Allison - AHHHH!!! Good face though. And Ms. J thinks she has potential; I think he likes her.
  • Natalie - I love that the producers show her last, like she's what we've all been waiting for. Ms. J liked her, but I've already decided that she sucks. Her walk was pretty solid but her face looked like shit and she was so fucking slow.
To help school the girls on runway ettiqute, Ms. J brings out Bianca and Chantal from cycle 10. I love that the producers thought that Bianca was a good mentor for anything requiering ettiqute or proper behaviour or anything resembling correct social interaction w/ other people. Seriously, she's a sociopath. BUT she can walk. And so could Chantal. It's nice to know that. It's also nice to know that they still look good. But I often wonder if it feels weird for previous contestants to come back to the show? Do they feel like Matthew Mc Connehay in "Dazed and Confused"?

Truth or Dare?
Seriously?
And no one made out?
Fuck that's lame.
But it was pretty awesome to watch Nijah do the "Carlton Dance." And it was also awesome to see the producers give us whiplash. Now Natalie is the House Bitch? I'm confused. Was Aminat's verbal smack-down enough to flatten Sandra? I thought it would take a lot more than that... Actually, this is really annoying. I thought we were getting a "slider" w/ Natalie. Like Mc Key - you know, doesn't say much and just slides on into the final 4 where you're like: "wait, how did she get here?" But she doesn't win b/c she's totally fucking lame.

Anyway, here's what went down: during a rousing game of Truth or Dare, Natalie is asked "who had the worst picture last week, besides Jessica?" She decides that she is going to answer honestly - as opposed to lying? Her "brutaly honest" answer is Thalia. Which, according to my notes from last week isn't as true as it could be. There were a total of 7 girls that the judges were totally underwhelmed by and Thalia was hardly the worst.
So why chose her? Sure, she's annoying but she's hardly been an issue in the house, like, say... Sandra! I would have said Sandra, just to see what happens. But Natalie thought the best idea was to pick on the girl w/ a physical flaw that everybody seems to genuinely like. That's pretty disgusting, Natalie - and calculated. But since I'm not sure where, exactly, she's going w/ this I'm still going to say that Sandra is CRAZY but Natalie is an ASSHOLE.

Thalia, of course, couldn't keep her shit together and cried (me rolling my eyes). Now Thalia doesn't have any respect for Natalie and has decided that she won't play her games "anymore." Were there games before this? Oh, maybe she means Truth or Dare. Yeah, don't play that game anymore Thalia.
Meanwhile, Allison is no longer fun and just needs to chill the fuck out.

Challenge 2: Runway w/ bags
The girls are introduced to identifiable fashion designer Jill Stuart. They will be doing some runway w/ her clothes and (for whatever reason) shopping bags in their hands. But they also have to be nice to the other girls. This is going to be a lot of fun.
Natalie starts talking shit in a one-on-one, saying the girls are going to do badly b/c they are practicing. This is true: you should never practice anything that you want to be good at. On the flip-side we have Allison and Thalia freaking themselves out, so that's cool.
Oh yeah, when Jill tells the girls they all look lovely, London mouths "Thank you" in the creepiest way possible. I think I'm in love!

  • Celia - opens the show looking like a fucking angel!
  • Natalie - looks as though she is sleep walking until she decides to channel the Aswirl Twins mid catwalk. Again, don't practice anything that you want to be good at. Also, Karma will butt-fuck you when you act like an asshole.
  • Thalia - is doing a little better but still looks pretty nervous and weak.
  • London - was so into the music as she was walking that...uh, it looked like she was walking.
  • Kortnie - whatever...
  • Nijah - also whatever...she's still sloppy though. And why did she hold all the bags in one hand?
  • Aminat - didn't get much camera time on the catwalk, so I'm just going to say: OK
  • Sandra - whatever...and why did she hike the bags up to her waist when she posed?
  • Teyona - looked a little stiff but did OK
  • Fo - she's got a fun, sexy little walk! I really liked it and could tell that she worked on it.
  • Allison - thought she was going to have a panic attack. Unfortunatly this did not happen. Instead she came bursting onto the catwalk in "Princess Jasmine goes to a funeral" and quickly made her way through the walk. But she was a little better and gave good face.
Jill narrows it down to Celia and Natalie.
Winner: Natalie. Which is bullshit and has only led to inflating her ego. Also, I think she's a Terminator. I never see much emotion on her face, so I have to assume that she's a sentient killing machine sent here from the future. If that's the case, then I kinda like her a little more. 

Later on we find out, again, that Thalia is really annoying as she sits on the phone crying to her sister about how she wants to go home. "You wanna go home? OK, then go home." But she ends up feeling a lot better after her magical sister gives her the greatest pep-talk that we will never hear, so that's cool.

Commercial Break
Mc Key is very boring and has little to no personality.

Phot Shoot: Characters on a bus by NY landmarks
So what's up w/ Mr. Jay's hat? Kinda makes him look like a Lego man.

We have another group photo situation. I wonder why they have been so gung-ho over these? It's not that I don't like them (they are visually interesting) but it seems like a good way to cripple the girls. Oh, I guess I just answered my own question. Anyway, the idea is to portray stereotypical people in famous NY areas. I'll by that.

  • Wall Street/Power Bitch: Fo and Aminat
I loved that Fo comes up w/ the "power bitch" term and then Aminat quickly vetos that by saying "there are not going to be any bitches here." It's a slightly more positive spin, yes? And the best part? They were both really awesome and hilarious.
  • SoHo/Artist and Muse: Kortnie and Nijah
I didn't really get this idea. I've been to SoHo and while there are a few art galleries still around, I ended up seeing a lot more boutiques and stores than anything else. Also, the idea of an artist and her muse was kind of silly. Plus, both girls just sort of stood there.
  • Upper East Side/Nannies: Celia and Sandra
This is a cute idea since that one book about the girl who was a nanny in NY was made into a movie...that nobody saw. But it's relevant since there are people that actually do have nannies instead of caring for their own children. But if we wanted to be even closer to the truth, the girls in this shoot should have been Hispanic in some way. Anyway, I though both girls looked lovely. I am sad to see that Sandra has basically been nutered at this point, though.
  • 5th Ave./Socialites: London and Allison
Perfect way to incorperate another CW show into the marketing. I'll bet you $5 that Tyra references "Gossip Girl" during pannel - oops! Mr. Jay just did!. Of course, you could hardly tell where they were since they parked the bus in front of a random store as opposed to, say, Tiffany's. The girls looked pretty good. Allison fell sort of flat but London was giving the crazy like nobodies business.
  • Times Square/Tourists: Thalia, Teyona, Natalie
I love that they decided to give Times Square a shout out. That's really a terrible place to be; there are about 1,000 people there at any given time and you can barely walk through the crowds. The girls had on wardrobe rejects from "The Warriors" and were told to flounce around like tourists. Thalia, instead, decided to model and really brought good energy. Teyona prefered to eat a pretzle while they were taking pictures; when Mr. Jay told her to get rid of it, she spit it over the side onto the street! Loved it. And Natalie prefered to continue acting like an asshole. She basically just stood there and made the most catalouge-like faces ever and PRETENDED to hold a camera, when there was one right in front of her.

Later, back at the house, London reminded us that she's annoying by going on and on about who is going home this time. "Who's going home? It's interesting!" Well, yeah, of course it is. If it wasn't no one would watch the show. But you don't have to mince about like a fucking Bond villian when you talk about it. On top of that, everyone keeps saying that it's going to be a huge surprise to see who goes home. Jesus! Who's going home? Is it Tyra?

*during the commercial we were told that Bianca is still working. Sweet.

Pannel
Hey! What's up Tyra? Good hair!
So the guest judge is Jill Stuart, which is sad b/c I thought we would get some more Nole. And I think I kind of hate Jill Stuart. Oh well. The girls are brought forward in their group/pair and evaluated.
  • SoHo: according to the judges it doesn't look like SoHo.
Neither of the girls did very well in this photo. Kortnie actually looks a little retarded and Nijah looks like she's really tired. Tyra thinks it's b/c Nijah looks like she's exhaling and Kortnie looks like she's inhaling. I think it's b/c they both suck.
  • Wall Street: looks awesome though.
Everyone was in agreement that both girls looked great and that the photo was awesome. Fo in particular was looking FIERCE, so it's a good thing that they kept her around! Aminat decided to actually do some modeling this time around and ended up doing a great job. Best photo of her's indeed!
  • Upper East Side: also looks good but I thought it was pretty dark.
The judges thought this was the best shot out of them all. It's pretty editorial, so I guess I could see that. They were all over Sandra, saying it was the best photo out of the bunch. Celia got props but was told that she wasn't as believable as Sandra was. All I could do was look at Sandra's ashy knees and wonder why she lied to Ms. J and said that she had just oiled them up? Oh, and yeah: I hate Jill Stuart b/c she clearly hates Celia.
  • Times Square: a pretty good picture.
Another well recived photo. Thalia was the break-out star of the bunch. Teyona didn't get much feed-back even though she had a pretty hagard photo. Natalie however got a thourough reaming from Nigel about how NOT believable she looked and just how fake it was. Thank you.
  • 5th Ave.: was just OK, nothing to write home about.
The judges were just whatever about the photo. But Tyra did me proud and namecalled "Gossip Girl" as an example for the photo shoot. What was really disappointing was that Allison really did fall flat in the photo. I think everyone was a little surprised by that. But, luckily, London brought something. She brought Crazy! The girl honestly looked like Norma Desmond before the pannel. But her photo was slammin'.

Negative Positive
Nijah - all she's got is her pretty Kortnie - she has potential
Natalie - boring across the board Aminat - finally starting to model
Teyona - just a bad picture but she can do better  Fo - from weak to strong
Allison - another bad picture  Sandra - the best picture
Celia - not their favorite picture but she rocks
Thalia - best shot she has ever done
London - also best shot she's ever done

Deathmatch! Thunderdome!
Nijah vs. Allison
I thought this was a silly pairing. They aren't going to send Allison home! If they had thrown Natalie in there or Teyona, that would have been more interesting. But it wouldn't have made sense since neither of those girls is going home anytime soon. So sorry Nijah; she must have known right away. Anywah, Tyra tells Allison that she's got a special look but the picture didn't and Nijah was just pretty. Looks like pretty is the new Kiss of Death this season!

Going Home: Nijah

Next Week: Drag Queens? Celia takes charge?

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