ANTM #11 - Dance Like There's Ass In Your Pants

I apologize for how late this is but last weekend was super hectic. Hopefully I have a few moments in the next few days to tell you what's going on, but now: on to the show!

First of all I need to address the fact that Teyona looks awkward and ridiculous in a dress. That must be why she never wears them. But then, she looks silly in jeans and t-shirts (Mall Uniform), so maybe the girl is just screwed.

I'm kinda bummed that Celia was sort of passive-aggressive about Teyona being the clear front-runner. My hope was that last week's ass-kicking would full some "bitch fire" and lead to a little smack-talking. But Celia is more mature and better suited to quiet hatred.

Now, the fact that Aminat thinks Celia is a "bit much" is laughable since Aminat is "too fucking much." I want to punch her in the face.

It's a little lame that the four girls have split off into racially divided pairs. I'm not under the delusional impression that ANTM should aspire to be a color blind podium but it gets old when the mousy white girls crawl together and the, stereotypically, bitchy/trashy/ghetto black girls lord over the roost. Why is it that this seems to happen every cycle?

And I kind of hate looking at Aminat's face.

Time to learn the Samba!!!

We are given a sparse tutorial on a lovely Brazilian dance in favor of an explanation as to why the girls are doing this. You mean there's a reason other than embarrassing them? According to Paulina (who I am disliking more and more as the cycle draws to a close), dancing and modeling are similar because you must learn how to move your body and make it look easy. Basically: Fake it till you make it. Some of these ladies ("ladies") shouldn't have a problem w/ that.

Paulina reminds them to keep their faces looking good and to not look down while they are dancing, which is good advice. The only time she will have offered something like that all cycle.

• Celia does OK but kinda looks "hard", as if she were concentrating too hard. Paulina says she looks desperate which is fucking harsh and a super bitchy thing to say.
• Aminat is whatever for me, as usual. Paulina, however, wants to lick her vagina.
• Allison knew she was screwed going into this and must have decided to just fuck it and go with whatever popped into her head. Lucky us!!!
• Teyona did shit and simply refused to look up. I fucking hate her.

Challenge: Samba

The girls changed into some lovely dresses and meet Paulina on a roof top. What's with all the roof tops this cycle?

Paulina will be judging the girls' performance and has declared that anytime someone looks down she is going to subtract "a million points." What is she, five years old? A MILLION-BILLION-GAZILLION POINTS! What's even worse is that she singles out Allison after saying this even though it was Teyona who refused to peel her eyes from the floor. Oh well, I guess the show is color blind when it comes to stupidity.

• Allison was a total goof-ball but we already knew that. She did not perform well, but we already knew that.
• Celia is much better this time around. She seems lighter and less tense.
• Aminat did whatever, again. Some how her bare minimum seems to register as top quality performance with the modeling set, while us "proles" see utter shit. This must be like when a dog can hear some freaky high-pitched noise that the rest of us can't and then totally flips it's shit while we just look at it and wonder: what the hell?
• Teyona is fucking retarded and kept looking down. She will probably win this challenge.

Winner: Celia!!!!!! It's about fucking time people!The most satisfying part of this is that I started to write Aminat and was genuinely surprised when Paulina called Celia.

Then it all got flushed down the toilet when Celia, obviously, picked Allison to share her prize and Paulina openly disapproved. For some reason Paulina wanted Celia to pick Aminat because she was her (Paulina's) second choice. Well, bitch, if you wanted Aminat to win so badly why did you pick her? Fuck that. Aminat would have chosen Teyona, so it doesn't matter.

The girls astutely guess that the photo shoot will have something to do with birds and Aminat says "push me out!" in reference to momma birds nudging baby birds from the nest. If only Aminat, if only...

On a side note: I do appreciate that no one has started the arguing again. I was kinda sick of it anyway.

Photo Shoot: Bird Brained

• Allison (according to Tyra, is supposed to channel an owl/pterodactyl protecting it's baby birds. Tyra does crack. Also, she doesn't tell any of the other girls stupid shit like that after realizing that it is stupid shit) - thankfully, even though Allison looked utterly insane she cranked out some amazing shots.
• Aminat - looked good and had some great poses but could not change her fucking face. And it was a cop-out that her poses were decent, since the constraints of where the shoot was being done MADE her try something new.
• Celia - had a lot of good poses and seemed much more relaxed. Now I am totally tense: is she going home because she has a great day? Is this a "here's your bone" moment?!?!
• Teyona - was boring all over the place, even though Tyra couldn't get enough of her (but, as we established above she does crack). But with all the feathers and the tree trunk/pole the bitch just ended up looking like a damned stripper.

Panel

• Allison - LOVED IT! Her photo was lovely; she managed to keep her face from looking retarded and even achieved some level of sensuality. The judges liked it too.
• Teyona - it was just OK for me. Her body looked odd but her face was pretty nice. Here's the kicker: Tyra didn't like it all that much!!!
• Celia - LOVED IT PART DUEX! She looked fierce and confidant. Also: Tyra loved shooting her - so fuck you Teyona/Aminat.
• Aminat - not bad really. Her body language was nice but her face fucking fell flat - again.

Positive

Allison

Aminat (has drive but doesn't give good face)

Negative

Teyona (too complacent)

Celia (doesn't use her face - BULLSHIT excuse to throw her off the bus)

Thunderdome Battle! Deathmatch!

Celia vs. Aminat

Ceila - has strength in body but not the face. She may be mature but she's also strong and edgy, so why is she in the Bottom Two for what sounds like Aminat's problem?

Aminat - also has strength in her body but not her face - mostly because it doesn't catch the light right. Well, that doesn't sound like something you can just smile w/ your eyes at...

Going Home: Celia. Go fuck yourself ANTM.

Tyra goes on about how she really enjoyed working with Celia but thinks that her position in the world of fashion will be as a stylist or designer. This may be an American Idol situation in which the promising contestant is voted off early because they are not the fan favorite but then go on to a great career. Either way, Celia said she had a lot of fun and was excited to have been a part of the show and will for sure pursue a career in fashion.

NEXT WEEK - The Final 3!!!