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But whatever, fuck that chick. She's on her last leg anyway. That's the ultimate power of Asshole: if you remember, Bianca's story was one of trail and sadness. Her boyfriend beat her and verbally abused her; she finally managed to leave and made the decision to be on ANTM to prove to herself that she could be a model (possibly to prove that she is, indeed, beautiful). But now she's just a Bitch.
Rachel reveals that she worked at Wal-Mart before auditioning. Which is a surprise! I just assumed this was Rachel's life before ANTM
And Courtney decides to take her walking cast off...whoooooo cares!
Challenge 1: Interviews/Making an impression
The girls are taken to the Wilimena Modeling Agency to meet with the president of the company. They will have to interview with him and make a lasting impression. Nigel will be there to officiate.
LuLu claims to love the "fashion world" but admits that she doesn't pay attention to designers or photographers. Right. In. Front. Of. Nigel.
Rachel talks about having done musical theater (REALLY!?!) but blanks when asked to perform a song.
Nobody else made much of a lasting impression on me, so I'm just going to skip to the best part of this: SOMEONE IS GOING HOME RIGHT NOW!
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Aaaaaaaaaand - it's Rachel. Awwwww....
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Now here comes my favorite part: talking shit!
Right when they get home the girls start shitting all over Rachel. The best? Jennifer stating that she "like her and all" but she didn't really connect with Rachel. I love you too Jennifer...I love you too...
(picture from fourfour.typepad.com)
Later, the girls are whisked away to a random photo shoot with a random douche. He starts screaming and freaking out right away, distracting the girls from Tyra as she sneaks into the room dressed like this:
And then this happens:
(gif from fourfour.typepad.com)
Turns out we can count Multiple Personality Disorder as one of Tyra's many talents. The lass in the gif is SMIZE! The Super Model Super Hero! The word is basically Smile with Your Eyes but in Bizzaro Speak. And according to the reliable source of urbandicitonary.com it also means: The condition of having ejaculate in one's eye, which stings like the dickens.
Tyra works with the girls teaching them how to Smize (shudder) and it becomes clear that Jennifer just might be screwed.
Challenge 2: Smizing in the Fortress of Fierceness!
(wtf? I have no idea what is going on here)
Tyra greets the girls claiming that Smize had an emergency blah, blah, blah so she is here instead. Then (just for the fuck of it I assume) she has the girls dress up in this shit:
(picture from fourfour.typepad.com)
Well, at least Laura seems to be having fun.
The girls cover up their mouths to complete the Gay Ninja look and compete against each other to see who could smile with their eyes the best. Example:
(picture from fourfour.typepad.com)
I reeaaallly wish I had a shot of it but there was a great moment when Jennifer and Bianca were up on the platform together and Jennifer raised both of her hands. Why did she do this? Boyfriend guessed that it was an effort to psyche out Bianca. I really like that idea.
The winners of this challenge get some nice dresses and a nice dinner with the president of Wilimena. The losers get to put on uniforms and wash dishes in the restaurant the winners are currently dining in.
Best moment: Erin says "I'm not here to do dishes, I'm here to be a model."
You know who else is not here to do dishes? Bianca:
(picture from fourfour.typepad.com)
In a feat of Asshole so impressive you head might explode, Bianca gets uber defensive when Jennifer points out that she is putting dirty dishes into a freshly cleaned dishwasher. According to everyone on the face of the earth, the dishwasher was clearly clean - even though Bianca points out that some of the dishes are still kinda nasty looking. Either way: she over reacts and everyone thinks she is retarded and disgusting.
Photo Shoot: A Day at the Races
In an effort to remind everyone, yet again, that this cycle is for short people, the girls are sent to a race track to pose as Jockies with horses. Sort of. They will be naked and real live Jockies will be with them. It's wonderful because while the girls are shirt to average in height, Jockies are (it's widely accepted) freakishly small.
Anyway, here's the run down:
Ashley
Looks OK, but it's hardly a convincing photo. Turns out to be a test shot - ooooo....
Bianca
By now they are just fucking with her, right? Tranny Prostitute is NOT a high fashion look. Nor is it desirable unless all you have is $20 bucks and it's Last Call.
Brittany
Beautiful but bland. And a tad skinny. But kudos to her for modeling from her head to her tippy toes.
Courtney
She looks sad. Maybe it's because Mr. J wouldn't let her take off the walking cast when she was taking pictures standing in front of the horse.
Favorite moment: Courtney, bitching to the camera, says "Leave my boot on? Do you see what I am wearing?" Boyfriend, responding to her query: "Nothing?"
Erin
Oh, come on...
Jennifer
She looks cute but a tad crazy. But that's my favorite kind of girl! Of course, she did psyche herself out a bit with the concern for her goofy eye. Turns out it's some medical thing (that's actually real) and Mr. J, in his usual cavalier way, gives her useless hints on how to work with it.
Kara
It's a beautiful photo, no doubt, but a boring one as well. Also, she looks a tad clueless. I'm not warming up to her just yet.
Laura
Looks gorgeous! But I must admit that after looking at the photo a couple of times, I'm a little put off by it. It's hard to put my finger on exactly what it is, but something doesn't sit right with me...
LuLu
This is an OK picture. She just looks like she's hanging out on a horse, nothing new...
Nicole
Here's another picture which time has changed for me. I have written down "looks crazy" but I don't see that any more.
Rae
I think she looks cute. The judges seemed to like the photo too. But there's nothing special about this picture. And after looking at her first photo (the ballerina) I'm starting to wonder if I like her as much as I thought I did. There is certainly and effortless quality she has, but is it mostly that she is attractive? Or is there some natural raw talent in there?
Sundai
It's sad to say but I think that Sundai is stumbling her way through these shoots. There's a lot of energy in that girl and she is a delight to watch but once she gets in front of the camera...nothing. Of course she looks lovely but is this a good picture? Not really.
Later on, back at the house, Courtney starts bitching about the whole boot thing. Erin is sick of it and she decides to tell C to cool it. Not having her thunder stolen, Courtney gets defensive. Unfortunatly the other girls back her up and Erin is left feeling a bit awkward.
Honestly I think the support of everyone else stems from the fact that this was not the best shoot. Most of the girls did only OK and even those that fared better have such crappy self-esteem they second guess everything.
Panel (w/ Guest Judge Lauren Conrad, because, why not!)
There were a few good moments:
Ashley's photo was revealed to be a test shot (BURN).
Brittany's photo was called out as Nigel's favorite.
Bianca starts in with the Stank right away by passive-agressivly bitching about her wig (with good reason though!) and Ms. J does his awesome Drag Queen voice.
Courtney does some feeble bitching about Das Boot.
Winners:
Erin (called first)
Brittany
Laura
Nicole
Kara
Death Match: Bianca vs. Courtney
Bianca needs to work on her attitude. She was bitchy and complained last week and she was bitchy and complained this week. Hopefully she will be bitchy and complain next week so Tyra can send her fucking ridiculous ass home.
Courtney's transgression was similar but smaller (imo). She gave up once she realized that the boot was staying on and it showed in her photo. She even went so far as to try to throw Mr. J under the bus, claiming that since it was his idea to keep it on, it was, basically his fault. Now that the boot is off, will things get better?
Going Home: Courtney
I guess we're never going to find out. Tyra explains AGAIN to Bianca that she needs to get her act together and then hugs it out with C.
Next Week: Fashion Show!
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