Ghost Hunters International - Season 2, Episode 23

                                      


Amsterdamned 
(Huissen, Netherlands - Huissen House of Horrors and Ijmuiden, Netherlands - Ijmuiden Fortress)

First of all: "Amsterdamned"? Woof.

Case #1 Huissen House of Horrors - Huissen, Netherlands -
Welcome to Holland! Land of people on bicycles! The first location the GHI team is investigating today is affectionately dubbed the "Huissen House of Horrors." And if I am correct, this is the first time the team has investigated a private residence. Making history, folks. The Huissen House has a pretty morbid history, which we learn from Susan Slaughter on the car ride over.


(Susan Slaughter)

Over a period of time (what that period of time is, we are not told) four women killed themselves in the house. They all hanged themselves in the attic. That's kinda fucked up. The current owner of the house, Johan Vlemmix (how adorable is that name?!) called the team in because there have been a lot of strange goings on; he claims to have seen an apparition hanging from the rafters in the attic.
And let me say that I agree with Joe Chin: the house does stick out like a sore thumb.


(Huissen House of Horrors)

As the team arrives, Johan comes out of the house to greet them. I love the strange, almost formal way foreign people speak English. "Hi, nice you are here." Johan explains that the house was built in the 1700's and stood empty because no one wanted to buy it, because it is a "ghost house." At one point the entire area became flooded, except for this house, so many people in the community fled to the house for safety. Their luck ran out when the flooding caught up with them and they were all drowned. Bummer.
Now, here is when things get ... interesting. According to Johan, once he purchased the house his life went down the crapper. He lost "517,000 Euro in the business" (not sure what "the business was") - currently the exchange is about 1 Euro to $1.38. Oof! His girlfriend also dumped him, though I have to think that had more to do with him being wicked poor. Johan seems to think the house will "get rid of him."
Apparently, the previous owner had a pretty bad turn as well. His wife didn't want to live there because she believed the place to be haunted and even claimed that she could "feel the devil" there. She left him and took the kids. This is pretty rough stuff, you guys. And everyone seems to think it has something to do with this house.

During the tour of the house, Johan shows Barry, Kris and Paul some of the hot spots. In the main entrance a chandelier likes to move on it's own. Everyone agrees that this is not normal. The first floor bedroom sometimes has a "very big light in the corner" that lasts for about five minutes and then disappears. In the second floor bedroom "some strange things happen here." Johan hides in a closet and bursts out, illustrating how the doors to the closet burst open. Barry is subdued and Paul is amused by this. Kris is frightened and delighted by the display because it means she gets to hide behind Barry and touch him.


(Kris Williams or, as I call her, Tits McGee)

There is also the sound of people walking around in the attic and "if you listen real good" the sound of an "old piano song." If you can't tell by now, all the quotations mean these are direct quotes from Johan, whose speech pattern is the audio equivalent of a candy store. In the attic there is a random rope hanging from some of the rafters. Johan will take it down and put it in the basement but then it will, miraculously, appear back in the attic. Four or five times!
Some lady is interviewed, explaining that she and her boyfriend spent the night in the attic and she swears she heard a woman screaming. Bitch, what are you and your boyfriend doing sleeping in a fucking attic? But in all seriousness, Johan really seems stressed out by the whole thing. Barry promises to give him some answers after they investigate and I really hope they find something for this poor guy.


(Barry Fitzgerald - this was the only photo I could find where he didn't look smarmy)

After the team sets up all the equipment, Paul shows Barry where all the stationary cameras have been set up. This is such an odd segment that both shows insist on keeping a part of the formula. Like, who gives a shit? Anyway, Barry mentions that since this is a house and it's a smaller area, there will only be one team in the house at a time. This will, hopefully, prevent any contamination of evidence.


(Paul Bradford)

Lights out and first we have Team Kris and Barry. Who would have though (eye roll). Honestly, these two have to be fucking by now, yeah? Anyway, they go to the second floor bedroom where there were reports of the sound of a piano playing. Barry busts out what looks like an iPad (barf) and opens up a keyboard app. He fumbles his way through some of "Moonlight Sonata" and gets a bang as a response. So he just starts mashing the keys to (probably) see if it will further piss off any spirits. Then Kris claims to be seeing some "shadow play" at the end of the hall. It's pretty dark, so she's not sure if it's just a trick of the eye. Barry comes over to check it out with her.
Side note: "shadow play" sounds dirty, right? Like "water sports" or something like that.
On the stationary camera you see nothing but these two idiots continue to stare down the hall. Kris thinks she hears something upstairs and Barry darts off after it. They run up to the attic and then we go to commercial. Back from commercial we find Barry breathing heavily in the attic with Kris. They hear some creaking boards and rustling. I heard some thumps, so, there's that.
Next up, Team Joe and Britt. They go down to the basement, which has a wicked low ceiling. Joe explains that Johan gets an uneasy feeling and has become ill when coming down to the basement. Possible explanations include: mold, carbon monoxide and high EMF. Britt does an EMF sweep and finds nothing; Joe doesn't see any mold and notices that it's pretty drafty down there, so it's not very likely any carbon monoxide will be building up. Alrighty then!
They lay out some equipment and do an EVP session. Super awesome: both guys bust out that V-leg stance you see all metal guitarists pull, since the ceiling is so low. Until Joe stands up like a normal person and walks around. I love you guys so much.


(James Hetfield is doing it)

Britt thinks he hears something up the stairs and runs after it. Joe claims it sounded like people having a conversation. They didn't find anyone upstairs, so Britt gets on the walkie and talks to Paul. No one was up there and no one was talking. Spooky! For the record: I heard nothing.
Now we follow Team Paul and Susan into the attic. They begin an EVP session asking if any of the women who killed themselves are with them. "Good Cop, Bad Cop" begins as Susan asks to speak to the very first woman that killed herself. Paul tries to persuade any of the ladies to speak up by pointing out that there are few records of their deaths and wonders if they would like to say anything, so they are not forgotten. Susan, however, talks shit - she thinks the original woman was responsible for all the other suicides, influencing the other women. Paul urges her to come forward and prove Susan wrong. Susan starts pushing further but Paul "shushes" her, claiming he heard a noise downstairs. Susan gasps as he moves down the stairs. Predictably, there is nothing and no one. I didn't hear anything.
Then he claims to have heard his named called by a male voice. Thankfully, Barry calls quits on the investigation. I can't take anymore of this. There's nothing there, that's obvious, so these guys are just wasting their time. During evidence review Susan finds some audible clicks while she and Paul were fucking around in the attic; to me it sounds like a pilot light trying to start but that's kinda jacked up since I highly doubt there's any gas hooked up in the house.
Britt gets the cigar, though, for his find. In the main entrance he finds footage of a candle and one of the electrical cords moving!

Barry, Kris (of course) and Johan sit down for the reveal. They mention the noise in the attic and Johan looks a little freaked out. Next is the footage of the candle and the cord moving - I think he peed a little. HOWEVER, as Barry explains, the reason for the movement is actually pretty simple: a draft. If the front door is open, even the tiniest bit, a draft will come through from the attic. That's what moved the objects. A "giant wind tunnel" as Kris puts it.
The clicks excite Johan! He's never heard them before, or, rather, "I never saw this all." Marry me?
So! Is this building haunted? No. There's too great a lack of evidence. But poor Johan just wants answers! Why is it that everyday, since the first day he bought the house (!), "everything is going wrong"? Is it all in his head? Barry bullshits about how the house hasn't had much love in it's life ("life", really, dude?), which can make it sit on a knifes edge (wat?) and can go either way. "Sometimes a house just needs some tender loving care." OH! I get it now. As Kris points out, everyone gets streaks of bad luck but you always bounce back. Johan needs to get his shit together, stop blaming the house and move on from all the bad luck he's been having.
Something that you start to notice while watching the episode is that the house looks like a fucking dump. There's nothing in it, some of the rooms are crumbling and it really does look like it's been neglected.


(Yo, I think we figured out why your girlfriend dumped you - no one wants to do it in that room)

Johan interviews that, thanks to GHI, he has a much more positive outlook on things. I think what happened here is that they explained that, while there is some weird shit in the house, it's probably not haunted - just a dump. If Johan would just fix it up, he might find that his luck will turn around.
In the car ride back to their joint hotel room, Barry calls Kris, Krissy and I throw up a little.


Case #2 Ijmuden Fortress - Ijumiden, Netherlands
The team takes a ferry ride to their next location. Britt is missing from the group because he had to "go back home to finish some things off." HE'S FIRED.


(Britt Griffith)

Filling in for him is Scott Tepperman. He's stoked to be there. Susan fills us in on the fortress: it was built in 1876 to protect Amsterdam from foreign invaders but was captured by the Germans in WWII. They used it as a regional command post. They also kidnapped prostitutes and brought them back to the fortress so they could rape them. Nazis. Barry nods as Kris looks uncomfortable. Apparently you can also hold up a black light to some of the walls and see the words "help me" written in blood. Groovy. Joe either mumbles "blood" or "wow" and I laugh - especially when he and Paul exchange looks of surprise. Kris wonders what the fortress has been used for since WWII; it's currently a museum. A lot of visitors have claimed to have had experiences there, so GHI needs to make sure that it's a safe environment for any guests.


(It looks like a fucking Viking castle!!)

The curator, Jan De Leur welcomes the team to the island. Oh, yeah, the fortress is on an island. Jan rehashes some of Susan's history lesson and then we hear from a dour looking man by the name of Rob Vander Putten. He explains that many people died while the dunes were being dug and were buried on the island, so it's not unreasonable to think that there would be spirits here.
First stop: the Pink Room. The door is pink, which is why they call it that. Oh, and that's where all the prostitutes were raped by Nazis. Or, as Jan puts it: "give comfort to the Germans." Dude, there's no reason to soften the blow - they were Nazis, it's cool. No one likes them. He brings up the "help" written on the wall and that mostly women feel very uneasy in this room.
In the hallway you can hear a dog howling. There is no dog there. Also, some of the doors slam shut on their own accord. Barry points out that all the doors are on magnetic catches which have to be turned off from one power source (?) (I mean, is that a thing?). Jan agrees with him.
The Memorial Room is a place to remember all the people that died while building the island. A woman that looks like a Muppet explains that she saw a soldier standing alone in the corner of a room. He looked directly at her, took a step back and then disappeared into thin air. She saw him in a room filled with mannequins dressed in uniforms ... (me tilting my head to one side).
In the Dinning Hall Jan explains that people spontaneously feel a presence following them. Dude, whatever. The room looks like Valhalla. If I don't see the fucking ghost of a Valkyrie offering me some mead in a horn, I am going to be wicked pissed.
Kris reminds everyone that they have a lot of time tonight to investigate, so they shouldn't feel like they need to rush things. And they are encouraged to move about the museum, off of the path shown to them.

We begin with Team Barry and Kris. Barry starts speaking Dutch because he's a fucking gangster. He also sees something down a hallway and freaks Kris out trying to find it. Then there's a bunch of banging and what sounds like something being dragged across the floor. Kris freaks out and runs after Barry looking for the source. It's pretty creepy. Down the hall that Barry originally saw something in, they see another shadow. Barry claims it was something like a hand reaching out of one of the rooms and then going back inside. They follow it and ask for it's name. Instead they get a slight banging noise - I heard it too.
Team Paul and Susan head into the Pink Room. That's such a shitty name. As they begin their EVP session, a loud bang happens. They "give chase" (oh, Paul! You're so British!) and discover that one of the doors is closed. Another door shuts while they are in the area. Sure enough, there's a closed door and when they open and close it themselves, it makes the same sound. Spooky!
Back in the Pink Room, Barry and Kris do some EVP work. They fuck around with the supposed writing on the wall by flashing a small ass black light at a portion of the wall. Well, fuck me gently with a chainsaw! There's something on the wall! It's a creepy ass hand print. That's actually pretty messed up. Barry points out that a person with some chemical on their hands could have touched the wall and left a print.
Team Joe and Scott head into Valhalla. Immediately they claim to hear footsteps and the scuffling of feet. I'm too distracted by how big Scott's ass is. But, seriously, I don't hear much. Some rustling but nothing more. UNTIL I HEAR SOMEONE BREATHING REALLY LOUD INTO THE MICROPHONE.
Fuck that noise.

Barry calls it quits and everyone wraps things up. This was a muuuch better investigation! Scott finds a voice during Barry and Kris' investigation and everyone agrees that it's male and not in English. I love when they find shit like that - makes sense, right?! Susan can't find an explanation for the door shutting! Joe finds a creepy voice on another of Barry and Kris' investigations. Go, Joe!


(Joe Chin - he's pretty awesome)

Barry, Kris and Jan sit down for the reveal. Kris is looking in good spirits, which means Barry gave her some Lucky Charms last night. They show off the hand print but point out that it's probably not paranormal. HOWEVER. In the hospital, they had a camera set up in the "ultraviolet ranges" (sometimes it really does all sound like bullshit, no?). There are three lights that appear and then disappear in different places during filming. Pretty strange!
They play the first voice for Jan and he thinks the voice is saying "go to the right" in Dutch. Barry remembers that he was, in fact, moving to the right at the time. Earlier, during the investigation, Barry mentioned that the noises they were hearing were coming from the right side of the museum. Spooky! Kris gets all wet at the thought of it.
They play the creepy voice Joe caught and figure that it says "help" in English. Kris shows off her favorite piece of evidence: Paul and Susan are in a tunnel and they capture a very cute female voice saying "Hi!" Jan is pretty stoked that they found all the information, mostly because it means he's not crazy.
The place is haunted, duh. And Barry believes they will be back again, later on. Hopefully!

This was a pretty fun episode. Just enough spooky stuff, absurd behavior and fact finding to keep it real.

Ghost Hunters International

ANTM isn't the only "reality" TV show I watch. Since the beginning of time I have been obsessed with Ghost Hunters and it's spin-off, Ghost Hunters International. The original series "stars" average men and women that investigate supposedly haunted residences, historical buildings and commercial buildings. They use high-tech equipment to, hopefully, record any instances of paranormal activity.
Normally, the show tries to focus on the facts of whatever situation they crew is in but on occasion, personal drama peeks through. But that comes with any reality show, no matter the content. For the most part, Ghost Hunters has found a happy medium and I look forward to covering it when the new season begins (which is slated for February 23). Ghost Hunters International, on the other hand, is growing into it's own odd blend of fact and drama.
For the most part, I viewed GHI as a rather "trigger happy" show. The two lead investigators seemed way too happy to "officially" label a residence or establishment as haunted, or, at the very least, a source of paranormal activity. And one investigator in particular, Barry Fitzgerald, was a bit excitable. That made it so very entertaining. I often found myself laughing out loud at many segments of the show and this brings me so much joy.
The show is currently in it's second season, airing on the Syfy Channel. This season has been interesting because it's seen many changes - most notably, cast. According to Wikipedia the second season started in July of 2009 and has run over time to the present day. That's kinda weird. Anyway, the "winter season" began in early January and I've been watching it religiously. This week's episode was so spectacular, I just couldn't help but want to cover it. And it made me want to cover the rest of the season.
I'll do another post with my comments on the episode but here I'd like to do a little ... primer on the show. Here we go!

Ghost Hunters International (GHI) began after some of Ghost Hunters cast members traveled to Ireland to investigate some local "haunts" (har har). The team members met up with Barry Fitzgerald and went about their investigations. The spin-off premiered January 9, 2009 and did pretty well for itself. The first season saw a mixed bag of locations: United Kingdom (England, Scotland, Ireland), Italy, Romania, German, New Zealand, South Africa, Slovenia, Peru, Brazil, Denmark, Sweden, Philippines, Spain, France and Latvia.
The original crew consisted of Robb Demarest and Andy Andrews as Lead Investigators, Barry Fitzgerald as the Tech Manager, Brandy Green as Case Manager; with Dustin Pari, Brian Harnois and Shannon Sylvia as Investigators throughout the first season. Donna LaCroix began as the Case Manager before going back to America and returning to the original Ghost Hunters.
Andy left the show during the first season without so much as a word and was replaced by Dustin, as a Lead Investigator. Andy was a fairly polarizing cast member; fans have always been divided on him and the fact that he left the show so abruptly has led to some to believe that he was taken off the show. Dustin later left the show in April of 2010 to be with his family and was replaced as a Lead Investigator by Barry Fitzgerald. He has remained on the show to this day.
Robb's departure from the show was the most interesting development. It should be noted that GHI is not a show produced by any member of the original Ghost Hunters team but, instead, is a production of Pilgrim Films and the Syfy Channel. That means that the original team has no control over who works on the show. Or who leaves the show. Or why. Robb left during the third season, like Andy, without a word. Some point to GHI's ratings becoming low and the lack of sensational evidence that may have caused it. As the leader of the team, it was Robb's responsibility to keep the team on course with their set of principles. And those principles were a tad ... boring.
Brandy left the show amidst a flurry of rumors. But, like the other members that left, there's no concrete information. It was obvious that Brandy and some of the other team members did not get along very well, which might have led to her leaving the show. Or being asked to leave. She was replaced by Susan Slaughter, a team member cast from the reality competition "Ghost Hunters Academy."

The current team is as stands: Barry Fitzgerald and Kris Williams as Lead Investigators, Susan Slaughter as Case Manager and Investigator-in-Training, Paul Bradford as Tech Manager and Joe Chin as an Investigator. For now, Investigator Britt Griffith is still on the show but will be leaving soon. He was removed after making some inappropriate comments on a radio program, recently.
This mix is pretty good. Barry, an Irish man, has calmed down quite a bit and has made himself a very solid leader to the team. Kris, a team member from Ghost Hunters transplanted to GHI, is a very level-headed woman. I have noticed something that seems like a flirtation between Barry and Kris. Susan is a fairly low-key woman and seems to get along with all the team members. Paul (a British man) and Joe are very amicable  and do well at their jobs. Britt seems like a decent enough guy on the show but his recent behavior has really been sad. He made several comments about the public being "stupid" and used the term "faggot" all during one radio interview. So ... bye-bye, bub.
The remaining episodes will take the team to Serbia, Scotland and Puerto Rico. And I will be following them. So lets get on with this week's episode!

ANTM 6

Last Week: There was the conveyor belt run way challenge that Kacey won and the fight between Kacey and Lexie, which even Tyra was bored of. Lexie went home ... yawn.

Coming home from panel, everyone is mad at Anne for continuing to do really well. Kayla reminds us that she used to be really poor, which is a nice change of pace from reminding us she's a lesbian. Chelsey is about do for a mental breakdown, no? I mean, we haven't heard much from her.

The girls are split into groups for a Cover Girl challenge. Team 1: Anne, Kendal, Jane; Team 2: Kacey, Esther, Kayla (Kacey tells us that she hates being in a group and she prefers to "ride solo", probably because everyone hates her); Team 3: Liz, Chris and Chelsey (Chelsey is a bit of a micro manager).
So everyone is at Walmart the next day at the ass crack of dawn. Nigel explains to them what they will be doing for the challenge - the girls have to talk to "customers" about some new crap Cover Girl is selling. They get to buy some other crap at Walmart if they win.
Team 1 goes first and seem to do OK. Jane is a little stiff and I have trouble understanding Kendal and, of course, Anne is just super fucking creepy. Team 2 is up next! They all stand like they are giving a book report. Kacey is kinda pagenty but Kayla is adorable. Team 3? They stand too but are totally freaking awkward. Chris bowls over everyone and really comes across as a car sales man.
Some fashion journalist was there taking notes and judging them. But the crowd the girls spoke to are also judges and Nigel reveals their opinions! Wheeeeee (me rubbing my hands together)! Anne was basically "not present", Kayla does well because a gay guy in the group liked how she referred to herself as sporty - he has a sporty sister! Mmhmm... Kacey got a solid review. Chris was over powering and talked over everyone. Chelsey got sympathy points because Chris kept running over her. And that's it? Dang man, I wanted to hear more shit talking.
Awww ... Anne gets the lowest score but I guess I saw that coming since she's been doing so well, they need to cut her down a peg. The winning team is #2, with Kacey in the top. Her reaction to wining is much more subdued this time - thank god.

Everyone is bussed to Rodeo Drive and they are greeted by Mr. J. They will be working with a stylist on a photo shoot. More male models! They are just trying to make Kacey cheat, right? Anyway.
Chris gets to be with a male model all by herself (you just know Kacey hated that).
Liz and Kendal are paired together, with a male model.
Kayla and Esther are together, with a male model.
Jane and Kacey together, with male model.
Chelsey and Anne together, with male model - Chelsey is not pleased.
The whole thing was madness - they shot on Rodeo Drive and there are tourists and fucking Tyra showed up. Just way too much was going on.

Panel Time!
Kendal and Liz look fantastic but Kendal is clearly more relaxed. Her single-walking shot was great. Liz's was awful. Seriously, it sucks balls.
Esther and Kayla have an odd photo. The body language is awkward and Kayla bitches out because her shoes are too small. Esther has a good solo photo but Kayla's is awkward.
Jane and Kacey is also odd. Jane looks fantastic but Kacey looks like a bitch. Jane's solo looks fantastic but Kacey us turned away from the camera because she's a moron.
Anne and Chelsey look good, kinda like "glamazons"! Tyra is flabbergasted over how Anne is a freak but her photos are awesome. The solo is great because she's in action and looks fierce. Chelsey's is cute, just not high fashion.
Chris' turn and it's adorable. But it's more Teen Vogue than Italian Vogue. Her solo is cute, too.

I'm going to call that Chelsey might make it all the way to the final two. She's looking better every day but she's still too invested in the competition.
Anyway, called first? Anne! Again! Runner up is Jane. Good for her! Then Kendal, Esther, Chris, Chelsey, Liz.

Thunderdome Battle!
Kayla vs. Kacey! Both are beautiful but Kacey is dull and totally disconnected. Kayla just complained too much. So she gets to stay, because she's a lesbian. Bye Kacey!

Next Week: The girls dress each other for the Grammy's and then embody fashion designers for the photo shoot. But what about the drama?!

ANTM 5

More liveblogging. Sorta. I got a little behind this week, so just bear with me. 

Last Week: Reminder that Kacey is not well liked in the house, Matthew Ralston's weird-ass photo shoot and ... a dig at Rhianna? Seriously, what did that mean? "And like another Rhianna, our Rhianna proved to be one-note." HUH?

Anne is getting hated on because she keeps getting called first. But so is Kacey and she tries to ... do something about that ... by calling everyone's attention and running her mouth. Greatest moment of my life? When Chris (you can't see her, but it's her) boos her and yells: "Get off the stage, bitch!" Though, I have to admit, Kacey's plan (write down a question and I'll answer it) isn't too shabby.
In other news, Liz is still super fucking annoying.
Haha, yeah, it sounds like Jane said her dad is a "lawn doctor" (she means lung doctor, and really, is that a thing?), just like Rich over at fourfour said. Lulz. I like Jane enough, she's quiet, takes decent photos and doesn't make my eyes hurt when I look at her. But I knew very little of her before this episode. Turns out, she comes from a well-to-do family and Liz decides to get passive-aggressive about it. Barf.

Lexie reminds us that she is "really strange." Which means she's actually just really annoying.

At the 2nd Street tunnel in Downtown LA the girls are introduced to their next runway challenge by Ms. J. I have no fucking idea what's going on with her eyebrows. There are male models again and Kacey brings up how difficult it is for her to not flirt with that same model as last time. What an asshole. I always managed to not flirt with cute guys when I had a boyfriend. Jesus.
Oh yeah, the runway is actually a conveyor belt. LOL
OK, OK. Fine. The male models are cute...

The challenge is a total disaster, of course. Liz is such a complete fucking spaz! Jane's knees are incredibly red. Oh Kendal ... Lexie seems to be the only one who can handle the runway with out looking like a total nut. Kacey wins the challenge and screams like a mother fucker.

ALT shows up with a model that I have heard of but am not familiar with. She makes them a fruit smoothie because they all eat a bunch of shit - especially Anne. EW. Lexie leaves bobbi pins on the kitchen counter. And Kacey has old ass food on the counter. EW! They argue and scream and it's annoying and Liz agrees so she yells in Kacey's face. Anyone else get the feeling that Kacey is going to get called first this episode?

The girls show up at a Lucha Libre ... thing. Plus, a father-son photography team is going to shoot the girls. They look a lot alike and it's freaking me out. They are also annoying - constantly yelling and making monkey noises.
Liz has some trouble with taking direction and listening to Mr. Jay. Jane looks great but basically can't commit to a pose. Esther went a little nuts - and I like it. Chelsey reminds me of Blonde Ambition-ers Madonna. Kayla talks about being a lesbian - again; I love it too, but let's not make a "thing" out of it. Chris gets physical! Anne isn't doing too well and it freaks her out - this makes me sad. Lexie looks so god damned trashy.

Back at the house the girls enjoy some food and I notice that there is a shelf almost totally filled with Pepridge Farm cookies. Didn't they just have a conversation about this?

Lots of fake laughter in the backstage, pre-panel camera-thingy.

Kendal looks great in person. Her photo is only OK because her face looks good but her body is "meh."
Lexie has a terrible photo. Just ... terrible.
Esther has some fun body language but a bland face.
Chelsey looks like Marilyn Manson in her photo.
Anne admits that she didn't do well but it turns out that she did a great job. And it's true!
Jane has a cute looking picture but it's very unimaginative and a little porn-y.
Chris is FIERCE! Except in the face.
Kayla's outfit is crazy. Her photo is dynamic though.
Liz is also dressed to unimpress. Her photo is nuts.
Kacey looks a little messy. But she's kinda vacant and "safe."

Called first? Anne. Again. She's going to be murdered in her sleep. Tyra goads Chris into getting pissy at Anne, but for the moment she's too excited about being called second.

Thunderdome Battle!
It's Lexie vs. Jane! Both a beautiful (maybe) but Lexie can't take a picture to save her life. Jane is a little lacking in the personality department but it's cool because she's staying. Bye Lexie! Thanks for the good times, you were just a little too boring.

Next Week: Anne doesn't do well at a Cover Girl shoot and the girls have a photo shoot on Rodeo Drive. Then my DVR cuts off the episode.

ANTM 4

It's that time again! I'm blogging this live, so I hope we go to commercial soon because I totally have to pee.

Make overs and Terra's exit are recapped. Sarah and her bleached eyebrows are sent packing, in case you forgot. Which you very well could have since I barely remember her - save for the eyebrows. Commercials - thank god!

Lexie laments being in the bottom two but there is no way because she is such a shit-starter. Everyone else talks about how much they want this and how hard they want to work for it blahblahblah. Kacey has a BRILLIANT idea: they should have a BBQ with the male models from last week. All the girls think Kacey is shady and don't trust her. Duh.

Turns out the whole day was super awkward. Except for Kacey! She was all over her male model friend. Most of the guys start to bail and no one gives a shit. Seriously, that was so uncomfortable to watch ...

The girls go to Knott's Berry Farm and meet Nigel and Ms. J. Yeay! I like Knott's! The girls have to ride The Silver Bullet and the mounted photo will take a picture of them while Nigel and Ms. J call out emotions into an earpiece. Easy, right? Barf.

Liz looses her shit but pulls off a great photo. Kacey and Lexie not so much. Jane looks possessed. Kayla busts it out. Chelsey also looks insane. Ann is supposed to be intense and just looks lovely. Rhianna is such a mess. Chris doesn't like roller coasters and might not even be able to do the photo shoot! Please ... she does it anyway. She's supposed to looks like she "doesn't care" - instead she looks constipated.

Liz wins the challenge and gets a photo shoot with Tyra that will end up on her website. Chris and Kayla get to go with her. The girls are going to reenact the "cover" of Tyra's web-magazine. She looks great with long ass hair. Kayla busts it out and Chris looks pretty nice. Then there's tea. Yeah. They have tea. In her one-on-one Kayla looks so awesomely butch with her hair parted down the middle. And then Tyra ate all the carrot cake.

Lexie bitches about cleaning the house. Kacey is the slob and also the one that no one likes, so Lexie choses the moment to call her out in front of everyone. Lucky for Lexie, it's actually true that no one likes her. Whatever, Kacey is boring.

"True beauty lives just under the surface" - will they be skinned alive?!

It's a highly stylized photo shoot with ... live seafood? The get to shoot with Matthew Ralston - no fucking idea who this troll doll is. Anyway, they get to play under sea goddesses and will be photographed under some glass contraption.

Matthew is super insane and goes through every little thing that he doesn't like about the girls. I like this guy.

Hey! It's Kendal! Haven't heard from her in awhile. Unfortunatly, she forgot she was in the club. Kayla looked like The Little Mermaid! Chelsey freaked me out. Ethser  had a dreamy look - also a Stepford Wives look. Chris looked great. Lecxie pumps herself up but Jesus she looked weird. Kacey looked great and wowed Matthew. Jane looked like a mermaid. Anne was so gorgeous! Rhianna really is a poor man's Anne, though she can look lovely. Liz starts to complain about her make up and it's just so fucking annoying.

Chelsey wants to be number one but I really don't think that's going to happen.

Back Stage, Pre-Panel: Matthew is super grossed out about kissing Tyra. Haha.

First up is Kacey and gets called out on her nasty gold shoes. He photo is OK but I think she looks like she's choking herself. Kayla is gorgeous and I still think she looks like Ariel, so does Tyra. Esther looks great and ALT thinks she looks like Elizabeth Taylor. Anne is fantastic, as usual! Chris looks whack to me but Matthew thinks it's great. Jane is beautiful but harsh. Lexie just looks god damned silly to me - and she is in profile again, barf. Rhianna does look uncomfortable - I don't like it. Kendal looks great - it actually looks like she's moving! Chelsey looks like shiiiiiiit - she looks like an amateur drag queen. Liz looks pissed in her photo - it's pretty bad. AND she complains that she couldn't see ... Jesus.

Called first: Anne! AGAIN! She's going to be murdered in her sleep. Ooo! Kacey gets called second - I'm sure everyone loved that. Wow, Chelsey gets through with that shitty drag photo.

Rhianna gets called out for being a flower child? I think they mean stupid. Liz gets called out for being a whiny bitch. But, she gets to stay. Dur. Awwww ... poor Rhianna is crying! She wasn't versatile enough, so she's got to work on that. Whatever.

Next week is a moving runway and Lexie and Kacey get at each others throats. Yeay!

Hahahahahahahah!

I've finally accepted Anger and it feels good. Pushing away whatever I'm feeling doesn't make it better or make it go away. In fact, it just makes it suck harder. I let that shit get up in my head and it does things - ugly things - to me. Today I started planning out my day - "when i get home i'll do this, and then this next and then i can do this" - which made me totally freak out. I started obsessing over Ex and Some Chick and I wanted to baaaaarf.

It's the planning that does it; there's a difference between doing stuff and keeping busy and planning the shit out of my day. I used to do that all the time and it just set me up for failure. There's a general direction for this coming week (in an effort to stay busy and getting things done) but I have no intention of planning on things and I'm fine with that. But when I started getting down the the minutiae details, I just felt sick to my stomach.
I cannot control and plan what is going to happen in Ex's life (or what he does with Some Chick). And even though I don't want to be Ex's girlfriend or have sex with him - I'm just angry that he's being an asshole. It feels so good to say that! And it feels good to say that I think Some Chick is just a dumb bitch! I'm angry right now and I'm owning it and I'm going with it. It will pass in time.

What's so funny? Well ... I was pissed about all the cute-sy, familiar comments Some Chick has left on Ex's Facebook profile, so I decided to leave a few reminders that I also have familiar comments and stories to share and leave on Ex's profile. I get that in the "digital age" it's easy to expedite a relationship, what with constant emails, instant messaging, cell phones and text messages. You can get to know a person fairly well in a month, when it used to take ... oh, you know, months - years even - "back in the day."
So the familiarity, while annoying, is understandable. I still hate her. She doesn't care about me, so I don't care about her.

It's bitchy and I admit to it. This makes me Rizzo and Iron Maven!

  

Do I realize that both of these ladies were bad girls and each had some kind of downfall (pregnancy scare and  losing a big match)? Yes, but you can't have the day if you don't have the night. And the greatest thing about all that? The sun always rises. Rizzo wasn't pregnant and she got with Kenickie and Iron Maven gave Babe Ruthless her props. A happy ending all around. There's no such thing as a straight road, there will always be some twists and turns. But sometimes the ride is just as great as the destination.

I am thoroughly entertained by this but like I said, it will pass. And if Ex calls me out (though I honestly don't think that would happen) it then I can point out to him that Some Chick's flagrant posting is no better. It hurts my feelings because it's so soon - she may no know this (which might be bullshit since Ex claims to have told her the whole story) but I think it's more likely that she just doesn't give a shit. So why should I give a shit? Ex might side with her because he worships at the Temple of Anger and she's the new kid on the block. It's OK if she's mean, but it's not OK if I'm mean.

That's just stupid. So I'm kind of over that whole thing. I probably won't stop being angry for a little while but it feels good to admit it so freely. That might expedite the healing process. Either way, I feel alright.

ANTM 3

Ann is feeling great after being called first and Lexie is still annoying. Sara busts out some photos of her baby and whines about not being with him.Then she whines about not doing well in the photo challenge. Terra mulls over being in the bottom two.

Tyra shows up looking like a Newsies reject. She then asks about every-bodies farts. There's my girl!

She brings over portfolios - that are empty. But it's a roundabout way to announce MAKEOVERS!!!!!!!
I'm not even going to try to explain what the girls are getting because everything that comes out of her mouth is insane rambling. Wait, wait, WAIT. One of the girls has a little gap in her teeth and Tyra wants to EMPHASIS IT. Bitch.

Everyone starts speculating about the makeovers and Lexie decides to play a prank by making a fake list explaining what the makeovers are actually going to be. Everyone, predictably, starts to freak out. It's the weirdest thing I have ever seen. Everyone takes it so seriously and Lexie (proving to me that she is completely crazy) goes way over the top because she "gave herself" a bad makeover. I'm excited to see what happens when none of those makeovers actually happen. Lexie is going to get her ass kicked.

Terra and Chris call their mom - that lady is amazing: she could tell who was who on the phone!

Anyway - onto makeovers!!
(BTW - Lexie promises that she will never tell anyone about the fake list. We will see about that ...)

Anne looks really great - much softer and more lady-ish. Liz gets a crazy-short cut that she doesn't really like; it looks OK but she might rock it. Chelsey gets her gap whitened and icy blond hair. Sara gets bleached eyebrows and dark hair - it looks weird. Kendal is getting a long weave which looks fantastic on her. Terra (crying again) is getting a really buzzed cut; it's ... weird. Kayla is going red - like actual red and it's insane. Chris gets a long curly weave that is pretty pedestrian. Esther goes jet black that compliments her. Jane looks pedestrian as well. Rhianna gets a long blond-ish weave that looks nice. Kacey gets her hair straightened and contacts. And now it's Lexie's turn! Her hair is darker and longer. The Jays don't think much of her.

YES. Someone is going home tonight.
Liz, Sarah, Lexie, Terra are all singled out for being brats.
And holy shit - Terra gets sent home. Though, I can't say that I blame them: all she did was suck and cry. Nothing else. Chris is pretty bummed but I could care less. Mr. Jay brings up a good point: don't let the makeovers go. These girls tend to let their hair go to shit after a little while. Why would you do that?

Chris is openly sad about her sister getting sent home and everyone is keeping an eye on her to see if she starts to fuck up. Nice.

The photo shoots theme is "Fallen Angels", so they get dolled up with black feathers and get hooked up in a harness so that it looks like they are falling from heaven. They are paired up with boys. Kayla is grossed out by this.

Esther wants to be a fearless angel but is having some trouble with it.
Liz is a "powerful/victory" angel but is lacking grace. She also complains a lot.
Kayla is an evil angel and it's awesome.
Sarah is a seductive angel and she is so flat is weird.
Kacey is a rebellious angel (who happens to find a connection with her male model - much to the dislike of her house mates.)
Rhianna is a "hopeless/sultry" angel. Really, they need to pick this shit for the girls - especially if it's coming from the one that was called "stupid" back in school.
Chelsy is a mysterious angel and rocks it.
Chris is a heartbroken angel and does a great job.
Jane is a scorned angel
Kendal is a "desire angel" - which makes no fucking sense.
Anne is a longing angel and does well even though she's nervous about working with a guy.
Lexie is a preditorial (also, that's not a real word and my spell check refuses to acknowledge it) angel and she let's down Mr. Jay.

In the pre-panel footage everyone orgasms over Tyra's late-70's-ish outfit. Patricia Fields is there.

OH SNAP - Lexie, Rhianna and Anne are called out over the list by Tyra. Hilarious.

Liz has an OK picture. Chelsy also has an OK photo. But Esther's photo is clueless. Jane is also clueless! Come on ladies! Kacey does not deliver a powerful picture. Lexie looks terrible - dude, seriously, this is BAD! Sarah - JESUS! What is going on? Chris has a good photo! But it's still not even that good. Rhianna also has a great photo. Kendal is pretty whatever. Kayla's photo is great - I love it! Anne has the best photo of all!

Patricia Fields puts on sunglasses to look at photos.

Called first? Anne! Again! Yeay!

Now it's down to ...Lexie and Sarah (I thought it would be Esther!)
Sarah goes home, which doesn't surprise me that much. Hell, the girl made a fake makeover list!!
She feels guilty over having left her son for awhile and I just don't care. She's too boring.

That's it kids! Next week there are beauty shots involving seafood ... I don't know.